Hanging with his kids at his ex-wife's house
My husband has decided now that his kids are 13 and 11 to go help them with school, sports etc after school. Sounds wonderful doesn't it?? Well, the kicker is the fact that they live 2 hours away from us and he is going there every other day. He plays with them outside and then goes inside his ex-wife's house to help out with homework etc. Keep in mind the ex is single. I expressed my opposition to this and of course it turned into me being irrational. I mean, how could I ever think doing all these wonderful things with your kids as a bad thing!!??? Well, I don't......I think it is great! I just don't like the message it is sending the kids by hanging with their mom on now a very regular basis. I feel it is giving them the sense of the "family" they don't have anymore. I feel as though it is sending them a message that there is hope for them to get back together and the only thing stopping it is ME! They don't have any respect for me as it is........... Not to mention now that he is going help out his ex gets all excited because she gets to go to all her yoga classes etc. Well, guess who is at home being a single mom............yes.....ME!!!!!!! I have no help and do it solo........yet I am the one who is married. 
My husband doesn't get home till after I am in bed on those nights that he goes to help his kids and now EVERY WEEKEND is consumed with sports 2 hours away from us. He already has his kids every weekend but now it will be spent 2 hours away. I don't particularly want to spend all my weekends in another town with his ex and with people who could really care less if I am there. Is it wrong for me to let him do the weekend things without me???
-Hating the blended life!!!!! :?
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Oh my lanta! this is totally
Oh my lanta! this is totally unacceptable. My question is why the "sudden" interest?? He didn't do this last year right? Not to be a jerk but I would be hiring myself a P.I. Something is just not right at all with this picture. So sorry!!!
Maux is that YOU?
Maux is that YOU?
I am not sure why the sudden
I am not sure why the sudden interest either! I mean, 13 years later you want to start being involved. I get it........late is better than never. But like you......something is just not right.
PLUS, my husband had me send his ex and email letting her know that she needs to stop allowing the kids to play every sport known to man and stop planning things on our weekends. She was doing all this without even asking us if we were okay with it and I needed to let her know we have a family life too and it is not fair that we spend all this time in her town so she can to as she pleases. Literally three days after I sent that email..........he decided to go up there every other day. Making me look like an a$$.
He doesn't get the pleasing
He doesn't get the pleasing me thing at all! He thinks that is so dumb. I know that I am fighting a losing battle!
I agree with all of these
I agree with all of these posts so far! I would be very hurt and upset. I think it is valuable for DH to spend time with the kids, however, they are divorced, and creating a "family" environment is not at all helpful for anyone...including your marriage. There are things that I miss out on in my Bio kids lives since the divorce, there are things my SO misses out on in the lives of his girls...but that is part of divorce. I think that the kids will see you as standing in the way of the four of them having a "happy family."
I feel like there are others who will not agree with this, but you need to be his priority...and him yours, not that the kids shouldn't be a priority, but the family should focus around the health of the relationship between you and DH, not providing the illusion to his kids that they are a family unit...which excludes you.
I actually told my DH that I
I actually told my DH that I was going to start going to my ex's house to help my kids with their homework. He said he would be fine with it. BULL S%i$! I told him he was only saying that to justify his ways.
He says he does not want me to be uncomfortable with the situation but he is NOT changing anything about it either.
I am pushed so far away from him lately that it is not even funny!!!
AMEN!
AMEN!
Do you have the money to hire
Do you have the money to hire a PI? It would be so worth the day rate they charge to have him followed for a few of the homework visits.... You need to know for sure....
So completely unacceptable I
So completely unacceptable I don't even know where to start. Something else is going on. He's escaping there. He gets out of his reality and I'd wonder what was suddenly 'pulling' him there. I mean 2 hours is a long way to go to 'take care of kids' each day when it's not your time. Honey, some thing bigger is going on. I'd be following him to find out what's happening. I'd hire a private investigator. I'm telling you - huge red flags here. Houston - we have a problem!
Wow! Let's set aside
Wow! Let's set aside speculation about them getting back together for a minute. Spending time with his kids doing sports and homework is a good thing. If this is what he wants to do there has to be a better plan. Sports can be done at the park, homework can be done at a local library. It doesn't have to be done at BM's house. This would allow him to be involved with his kids without playing house with his ex in the process. If your gut is telling you something else is going on, trust it. If this interest came up suddenly I would be considering every external factor that could have initiated it.
***This*** and also at that
***This*** and also at that distance every other day is too much, he stands to strengthen his relationship with his children at the expense of the relationship with his partner.
If my husband was driving 2
If my husband was driving 2 hours (one way?) to hang out at another woman's house every other day, he would no longer be my husband.
I second hereiam..... I
I second hereiam..... I would never submit to this. it is absolutely unacceptable, and not only will it fuck with the kids heads (Mommy and daddy are back together!!!) but BM is either enjoying her new lover (your DH!) or having fun taking time off whilst you slave away at home playing single mom.
Oh HELL TO THE NO.
This would be an absolute deal breaker for me.
Thank you all for confirming
Thank you all for confirming that I am not CRAZY for feeling this way!!! It has been very hard to swallow. I know there is NOTHING going on between him and his ex but I know for a fact that SHE is loving her freedom to live her lavish life while daddy-o does the afternoon stuff......while "the wife" is home living her single mom lifestyle.
She even blew up his phone the other day wondering why he wasn't taking his daughter to her volleyball practice at 9am on a Saturday morning. And yes.......this is 2 hours ONE WAY!!!
Honey...you're not
Honey...you're not crazy...I'd be livid. If you're not comfortable he needs to find another way to meet the kids needs without disrespecting you.
OMG... You MUST put a stop to
OMG... You MUST put a stop to this. Regardless of the fact that your husband is now married to you. He shares a past with his EX. This is sooooo dangerous. You MUST make your husband choose. Don't you dare let him make you out to be the bad person. Your husband needs to see a shrink if he thinks this behavior is acceptable on any level. His first obligation is to you. He chose to divorce and split his time with his kids. If anyone dissagrees with me...they are crazy as well. If you don't put your foot down now...I promise you will be divorced right after you find out he accidentally slept with her. And oh btw it was not his fault....
You know "Nothing is going on
You know "Nothing is going on between them"?????? There are all kinds of relationships. Physical and emotional. If your husband is not sleeping with this woman, he is allowing her to cause problems in your relationship. Even if he is NOT sleeping with her, he is having a relationship with her. All of a sudden your husband feels the need to be a full time parent again? My husband loves his kids as well, but I can guarantee you he would not be driving 2 hours one way several times a week. That is just ridiculous. You are fearing something is going on or you would not be asking all of us our advice...You know, you know and you know.....
Wow yeah that's nuts, I'd not
Wow yeah that's nuts, I'd not be able to handle this either. Even though I don't really have any reason to be jealous of SO's ex I'd find this impossible to put up with.
About a year after she dumped him, and 6 months into our relationship BM started pushing SO to spend more time together 'as a family' for SD7's sake, or so she said. He told me she wanted them to start meeting up once a week for dinner together, just the three of them. If he'd said yes our relationship would have ended. I'm really glad he said no to her on his own but if he'd said yes I'd have made a lot of the same arguements people have made here. Too confusing for the child, too easy for SO to fall for manipulation being with her that often, jealousy on my part...I can't imagine how your husband could have agreed to this without realising all of these factors in your case as well. Either he's deluding himself or he just doesn't care how you feel.
I hope you work this out soon, it would hurt like hell dealing with it. I don't think you're being unreasonable at ALL, especially after he had you write that email. Geez that would hurt
He told me she wanted them to
He told me she wanted them to start meeting up once a week for dinner together
I don't know about you, but I call that dating. If she was so worried about time together as a family, she shouldn't have dumped him.
Is he staying in his previous
Is he staying in his previous marital home?
Get a PI. I would.
Thanks so much! I cannot
Thanks so much! I cannot disagree with any of y'all. It helps so much to know that my way of thinking is normal!! I am a doormat, I am just "the wife" and I really need to grow a set(LOL) and get real! No doubt about it! Thanks again! Having this site is so awesome.
Well hun, bless your
Well hun, bless your heart...I feel your pain. I see this is an old thread but can't help myself but to comment as I am in the same boat as you. I have put up with this same b.s. and much worse for over 17 years and we have a teenage son. I am literally pulling my hair out and losing my mind, severely depressed and lost all hope. I hope it is better for you now. I hate to hear of women going thru this mess.