DH wants SD14 there when I give birth

DH sent SD14 to stay with her mom for a few days so that I can have time to breath. But nooooo I can never breathe! DH springs on me how he wants SD14 there when I give birth. My family is very spiritual and I was thinking of an at home birth either a squatting birth, a water birth or a natural birth in my bed with a bar above me if I feel the need to squat, lift up or reposition myself I'm trying to decide but I keep going back and forth I'm leaning toward water but my mom did squatting and my grandmother did natural so I could be swayed. I do know I want my parents on either side of me holding my hands with DH rubbing my back and helping me do breathing exercises and my grandmother walking the room speaking positive affirmations and clearing out negative energies. I want my daughter to be born into positive energies surrounded by love.

My midwife who is also very spiritual suggests that those around me when I give birth should possess deep respect and reverence for life. SD14 does not have deep respect for anything. I don't want her there making a joke out of the most important day in my life. I don't want to see her making gross faces or texting her friends and BM. Sure she can come a day or two after the birth and meet her sister but I want her to bring positive energy and love with her. DH thinks I am just being petty and I don't want SD there. Well it’s not about her it’s about me and our unborn child making her journey into this world. Am I so wrong for just wanting that one day SD14 free?

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No..and tell DH to not be an

No..and tell DH to not be an idiot.

Can you just imagine the pictures that SD would take and post on FB?

Your DH sounds really dumb here.

I agree. You are definitly in

I agree. You are definitly in the right here. Sometimes you just have to draw the line with the skids....

I want my daughter to be born

I want my daughter to be born into positive energies surrounded by love.

Enough said.

My dear goodness do I love

My dear goodness do I love this reply

Oh god no! Smack your DH and

Oh god no! Smack your DH and call him a moron. Your the one giving birth, you call the shots. your SD does NOT need to be with you for that. Why would your DH even want her there? I don't get it, I'm the oldest of five kids (same parents) and I didn't see a single one of my younger siblings coming into this world, my mom kept that time special for her and the NB and my father. So no, you're not being selfish or rude or anything.

HELL NO, And tell him if he

HELL NO, And tell him if he can't respect your wishes since YOU are bringing her into this world, then he doesn't need to be there either. DO NOT give in, this is your private moment and even IF SD14 wasn't a spoiled ungrateful brat, she doesn't even have the maturity to comprehend this special time for you and what it means to give birth

I told him I don't want her

I told him I don't want her there. I don't want her looking at my naked body and just knowing she is there will make me uncomfortable and unable to focus on the most important thing. He thinks we can talk about this at a later date. Its not happpening!

Hopefully he realizes how

Hopefully he realizes how stupid of an idea this is once he has a chance to think about it.

Hold your ground....if you back down on this he will run rough shot over you as a mother for the rest of time. He is used to making the final "dad" decisions in the house and being able to over rule you every time. This stops now. This is your baby too...not just his. He needs to learn that its not just his decision anymore.

And the delivery IS just your decision.

Absolutely do not back down.

Absolutely do not back down. You are right. He is wrong. Gah! What an idiot!

I know I am simply parroting

I know I am simply parroting what others have said above but I remember one of your previous blog posts about the mean-spirited and malicious things SD14 has said about you. Based on that alone. I too would definetly say no.

If I can be permitted to share my own experience with this matter....Maybe I can share some insights and hopegfully give your husband a clue of what can potentially happen.

My DW wanted SS there when she gave birth to BS. I didn't want him there, not because I knew he was going to be PITA but because he was far to young to understand anything at that point (SS was 9 at the time). I kept telling DW that SS will see his mother going into labor pains and he is going to freak out. DW insisted that he be there. Hey I am not the one giving birth, so who am I to argue right?

Well guess what happened?

When the time came and the doctors, nurses and interns were surrounding DW, SS fled the room. The whole afair just scared the living daylights out of him. Up until the birth, SS was just treating the whole day like it was a welcome retreat from school. After BS was born, checked out and placed back in DW's arms, only then did any of us notice that SS was missing.

It didn't take us long to find him. He ran to the washroom and was cowering behind the toilet seat in the dark and crying. So he missed the whole birth of his half-brother which is what DW originally wanted. I get that your husband wants his SD to feel a part of this momentus occasion, but knowing what I know of SD through reading your blog posts, I don't think any of that will register with her.

I really like the way you are

I really like the way you are planning for the birth of your daughter.

This is one of the times that your SD does not need to be around-SHOULD NOT be around.

It would be much different if you and SD had a really close and special relationship. But you do not.

She does not belong there.

If your DH insists on having her there and you give in, then I would not even stick with these plans. Because it is going to hurt much more if SD ruins a once in a lifetime event that you have planned with such care.

Honesty: I would rather have

Honesty:

I would rather have ANY of my kids/step kids in the labor and delivery room with me... than to have my father witness me naked, legs in the air and pushing a kid out.

I would rather be dipped in honey and staked naked to a red ant hill than be ANYWHERE near my dad while EITHER of us was naked.

:sick:

Oh we don't see it in a

Oh we don't see it in a vulgar way. the way you put it makes me shiver. He wouldn't miss the birth of his first granchild through is only child for anything in the world. I think of it as my dad passing along his loving energies and helping me along this journey. I see him holding my hand and praying while I feel his engery flow through me. Not my dad looking down on my naked body with my legs spread.

You have a very flowers and

You have a very flowers and glitter vision of child birth.

Its sweaty, painful and bloody. It is very common for a woman to urinate and deficate while giving birth, and if your not getting an episitomy then for the wall between vagina and anus to tear.

While in your mind you see him praying and holding your hand the reality is your dad is likely going to end up seeing far more of you than either of you ever wanted.

Ha, my DAD would rather be

Ha, my DAD would rather be dipped in honey and staked naked to a red ant hill than see my during childbirth!

Exactly! My dad was in the

Exactly!

My dad was in the hospital when my kids were born. Sitting in the waiting room drinking coffee and watching CNN.

After the kid was born, after I was cleaned up and in recovery, then he came back kissed my forehead and told me I did a 'great job' and hauled BUTT for the nursery to see his grandkid and normally had the nurses conned into letting him rock the baby within an hour of the kid being born. So yeah, my kids had their first round of rock-a-bye-baby sung to them within hours of being born by one of the best barritones I have ever heard!

With my first, my mom asked if he wanted to go back to the labor room to see me. He replied he had not seen mom (his own wife) while she was in labor so he damned sure did not want to see his daughter. Thanks, no thanks, he had cigar duty and he was happy with it.

I like my SD and I wouldn't

I like my SD and I wouldn't have a problem with her being in the house or hospital but NO WAY would I want her in the room with me. NO WAY!! It is just ridiculous for him to even suggest it. This is YOUR day, I would tell him if he didn't like it, he can go with her. This is about your baby not SD. These dads I swear, they are just so stupid sometimes.

the birth of your child is

the birth of your child is your special time. you get to dictate who will share this very special and vulnerable moment. he is clueless. this is not the time for DH to start forcing SD into your life. if DH cannot respect your wishes on this, he does not care about your feelings.

Tell him no. If he pushes it,

Tell him no. If he pushes it, tell him he can't be there either.

On what planet does this make any sense at all to your DH? Furthermore, when did it become okay to dictate to the one giving birth, who will be present at the birth?

What a jackass.

In normal circumstances,

In normal circumstances, meaning SD/you had a decent relationship, she treated you with respect blah blah blah, I could see DH and you having this discussion, with the final decision being yours...but WTF is your DH thinking? He's lucky you didn't smack him off his feet when the suggestion/request fell out of his mouth.

This obnoxious brat goes out of her way to terrorize you, treats you as poorly as she can think up and has repeatedly been unkind speaking of the child yet to be born. Your ideas and feelings on your childbirth experience surrounded by those who love you and are positive in thoughts for you and baby sound beautiful. This SD does not belong in that wonderful setting. Not because she's a stepdaughter but because of her behavior and own evil thoughts and actions.

DH was out of line to even bring this up to you. Ok, so depending on where you decide to deliver baby depends on if this brat is anywhere even in the same area the birth takes place. If you choose a birthing center, SD could sit out in the visitors waiting room (she can't d harm from there). If you decide to do a homebirth, no, she can be at her BM's and DH can call her and let her know baby has been born.

Do not feel guilty saying 'NO' either. I understand DH loves his daughter and this is SD's first sibling, but it's not DH giving birth and SD does not treat DH the way she treats you. Surely your DH can understand your feelings on this and why it is inappropriate considering your idea of birthing and bringing a child into the world and how that setting should be.

And after birth, baby and you should be given a bit of time to recover and tend t the two of you before SD is ushered in to meet her sibling. Birthing and right after is not the time for you to be upset by a possible snide remark or other such nonsense by a hateful teen.