Date Night Gone Sour
The sds were sent home yesterday but BM decides to return sd15 because of some mischief she got herself into. I come home from the gym ready to shower and enjoy some much needed couple time when "DH" informs me BM is dropping of SD15. Apparently she had called and asked if it was ok and he said yes.Three things have me fuming: 1. he could not tell BM of our plans. 2. Why dont I have a say in this. (this was my place before we got married. he moved in here)3. He says I dont want his daughter here which no I dont but that is what least upsets me. He uses that to make me look like an evil stepmom and attempts to make mefeel the guilt......F...THAT!!! I bring more to this relationship than he ever will. What burns me up is that I am chop liver. My feelings are not taken into consideration. I am getting so fed up with this. I dont want to sound like a bitch but all he provides for me is emotional support. I love him but I love myself more. He has a great catch with me and everyone knows it. I have no children, financially/career set, own a home, travel and can afford to spoil myself. I have opened my home not only to him but to his darling brats and I give them space to bond when they are here. Am I asking for much!!! NO i am not!! Now date night is ruined because poor BM had to go on and ruin it........correction "DH" !! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!
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Comments
Well it is ruined when I came
Well it is ruined when I came out of the shower he was gone. I understand he comes with a package but his cynical response to my needs is what drives me crazy. I can't wait for them to be in college. At this moment you may be right. I also felt I never needed a man financially but emotionally yes and when he can't provide that I have nothing from him.
I get what you are saying but
I get what you are saying but I refuse to settle for second best!! He balanced this before why stop now!! Good thing I have a prenup!!
This isn't about a child that
This isn't about a child that needs something. It's about a BM who wants to send the SD to her father as punishment.
I love him and you must
I love him and you must remember he moved in with me. We do travel and when he cant travel with me he is ok with me going alone. He came with a package and so did I a travel package. When are you really ready for kids. Even biological parents need some adjusting. I just want validation......
It is ruined he left to deal
It is ruined he left to deal with sd15. He was cynical towards me when I attempted to assert my needs. I too just left and will be treating myself to a fabulous dinner and great wine so I guess it isn't entirely ruined. Date night with the best company ever.....ME!
Thank you!
Thank you!
BM needs to parent her
BM needs to parent her daughter on her time. She no longer has a husband to call in as backup.
Unless there was blood or the strong possibility of blood your DH did not need to go running to BM.
Yes there are times when a child's needs are going to interrupt your life but this was not one of them. And no BM should use sending the child home to dad as punishment like BM did.
Your DH needs to shape up or you need to ship him out. This was not about his daughter. It was about his jumping to accommodate BM. That is a deal breaker.
I totally agree! That's why I
I totally agree! That's why I am so hurt and knowing sd15 like I do she didn't do anything that horrendous that would require BM to ship her out. What message is she sending her daughter? That she has lost control over her. I am livid he did out BM needs before mine!
*put
*put
I agree!! He chose BM her
I agree!! He chose BM her over us. I feel she is also manipulating the situation. We lived together for 2 years and she didn't so this. We recently married in JUne and she is pulling these stunts. I am sooooo hurt!!
Oh wow this is
Oh wow this is comforting......
You were looking forward to a
You were looking forward to a night of privacy with DH and BM probably had better things to do and pawned off her kid in you both.
I'd be furious too. DH put you last! You won't be priority every day but barring emergency you should have been priority lasts night.
Not all DH's are like this. My SO an I go out on dates all the time even when SS was 15. He's fine on his own.
Problem is some men really don't want to date md hide behind their kids as an excuse not to put in effort in their adult relationships. I've dated that kind and left them. Found one that actually likes to do things with me without the kid. He's not perfect but he's a good dad.
Don't settle. You don't have too. You can date a man with kids without being put last, which is what your DH did. You need to make sure you are clear with him about your expectations, which are reasonable. If he doesn't agree his loss.
Sorry typos on phone.
After he came home from
After he came home from dealing with SD said my piece. I told him I could not be married if I was going to be second. He in the past was able to balance both and now that we are married I feel my needs have been pushed aside. He agreed and said he was sorry and did not know I had been feeling this way. Things have been blissful up until this morning when BM decided to leave on vacation during winter break and leave the kids with us. He knows who much I look forward to winter break ( I am a resource teacher) I get some much needed me time. Now my space and alone time is ruined just like date night was.........
I hear you! The sad thing is
I hear you! The sad thing is one we were not married but lived together (in my place) he had a great balance and all of sudden 3 months into marriage and I am made to feel second. I did assert myself that night and he apologized and said he had no clue as to how I was feeling. Things had been wonderful until this morning. BM called and said the skids would be staying with us for 13 days during winter break because she is leaving on vacation. I nearly flipped. I could not believe he did not consult this with me. He knows how much I look forward to winter break (I am a resource teacher). We could have met half way. I get some me time and his daughters could stay a few days but noooooo!! I am again a selfish bitch. I married a man with kids so I have to suck it up. Well I am his wife should be part of the decision making as well especially when they are infringing on my space. I can be selfish I have no children. It is not easy to leave. He is a great man and I LOVE him. He is dad not just a father and just like I need to learn to adjust to being a stepmom he too needs to give me my place as his wife. He has agreed to counseling...........
I've never understood why a
I've never understood why a parent would want to send a kid home from their visitation time...just because the kid would not behave. Makes little sense to me. Rather like, it's your kid, your time, parent the kid.
Short of a medical emergency there is very few issues that IMO an opposite parent should be called in to 'save the day'. Ok, if Jr has stolen BM's car and is hot on her way to the party from hell and may kill someone drunk driving, call me. I'll go hunt the brat down and turn the underage group of kids in. Ok, kid just got hauled into police station for shoplifting at the mall, call me, I want to be informed and you can bet your a** it's going to be opposite parent and I both showing up at station (heaven help the child when we do).
I get all that. but IMO if daughter tells BM to f*ck off, she isn't doing no dishes and refuses to go 'straight to your room' crap. Don't bother me. Don't attempt to send kid back home to me. Deal with it. Parent the kid. I parent the kid in my home, you learn to parent the kid in your home.
Oh, and yeah, a 15yr old kid sitting on my sofa wouldn't stop me from doing a date night and/or whatever else I as an adult might be planning. At that age the kid isn't a baby anymore and doesn't need me to hold their hand for a few hours. Same with younger kids. Those who shouldn't be ok on their own, there's always babysitters and grandparents to tend to kiddo.
There are, as should be, times when parents have to handle their children together. That's normal and should be expected and accepted. But the petty 'I can't/won't parent my kid on my time' crap is not something that should be tolerated. I hope whatever OP's SD did to cause the call to Dad/DH was something major and not petty crap (not that I wish major crap on your doorstep, but YKWIM).