ExH/ BD: "what are we doing about school clothes"
For some reason, exH think it's my responsibility to supply him with school uniforms and clothing in general for the kids. We do a 60/40 split with the kids and he pays me support. I stayed home with our three children prior to our divorce and when we settled our divorce, we agreed he would pay me a set amount fr the kids, which he does.
We split their private school tuition, I provide their insurance and we split activities and/ or I'll just pay them myself. He will occasionally buy the kids clothing for special events but for some reason he thinks it's my responsibility to provide clothing for his home. In the past he'll ask me for pants and say that. Somehow all the pants have ended up at my house. I'll explain to him that that's not possible, but since I always over buy for the kids, I'll usually send the kids back to him with some extra outfits.
So I'm sure it's my fault for allowing it but it's annoying. Last year I gave him some new uniforms for the kids. This year, I'm tempted to do the same because it's almost easier to firk out some money than to go to war over a few hundred bucks (uniforms are super cheap at Walmart).
That being said, I don't want to do his for the next 9 years.
How should i respond to his text: how are we working the school clothes this year? I have very few at the house.
I've got a few ideas but they all sound rude... And we have a good working relationship tht I don't want to harm.
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I like it. But I pay EVERY
I like it. But I pay EVERY year for the past 7 years...
Agree, just be honest. I
Agree, just be honest. I provide school clothes at my home money is tight this year you will have to provide them at yours.
How many school days are
How many school days are there that the children leave for school from his house? If answer is like one or two, it certainly wouldn't break him to purchase one seasonal one (say the pants and two short sleeve tops) and change of season additional shirt/blouse. If you say three or four days a week, I'm thinking he needs to supply more. Not your place to supply on his time.
You're babied him by supplying and now he expects it. As to answering the emails without coming off a b*tch or rude, I think something simple and honest. You're buying winter coats, PE shoes whatever whatever and you feel you've spent about all you feel they need from your household. He will likely need to supply what he feels the kids will be needing on his homefront. You might agree to send one in season uniform per kid.
If you get a nasty in return, you'll have to remind him you supply clothing in your home and have been supplying for his home, but as the kids get older this cost has risen and it's time you review the situation.
The kids leave from my house
The kids leave from my house 4 days and then the following week, it will be 2 days. So he gets them ready a fair amount of times.
Im hesitant to open up the child support arrangement for renegotiations but it seems like we may need clarification on expectations.
Since you know how to shop
Since you know how to shop well for good prices along with what fits them, you might suggest you shop for the school uniform and give him a receipt to repay you. If he agrees to that, you'll want to upfront set a price limit (since it's him paying back) and be sure he gives you a list of what he wants you to get. If he's like a 'normal' dad, you might have to make suggestions when you actually see his list.
My husband hates shopping. He'd have no clue what sizes. You could see it on kid and still not quite 'get it' that a different size would look 'better'. DH would also be totally clueless as to how many of what our daughter needs. Not that he doesn't care or wouldn't want to be sure she has all she needs, but he's clueless on how many this or that's the kid has. One pair of jeans look like another to him. He wouldn't actually know if kiddo has one pair or twenty. Jeans are jeans. I think it's a guy thing
If you and ex haven't at least had a review discuss between the two of you in a number of years, the guy could be clueless that these kid's clothing needs are no longer $200 for all the kids a year but rapidly approaching $600 per kid (for a basic example). You know yourself you are paying more for what you supply now then you did say four years ago. Don't count on ex to realize that.
He's asking what 'we are doing', so that does not automatically mean he's get upset or reject a new approach to what 'we are doing' about it this year. I would imagine ex has received raises in the timeframe your CS agreement was set. He may be more willing towards him paying more on his homefront than you think he will be. If he's visited a grocery lately he knows prices and cost go up.
These are good points.
These are good points.
Thanks for the perspective. I think you're right on many points here.
Here's the other side of it.
Here's the other side of it. The kids will often come home from his house wearing something too small - which I despise. I don't like it when my kids look like they are being neglected.
I'm not saying he's neglectful, he just doesn't pay attention to the things I do.
Appreciate your opinion
Appreciate your opinion completely and I definitely see both sides, completely. Especially as we have SS full time and receive NOTHING from BM and when we ask her to help with school supplies, she'll just say it's not her job since she's not the custodial parent.
Having the kids in private school actually helps keep the clothing budget down. I probably only spend about $100 tops for each of my three children to get them clothed for the new year. We pass things down from child to child and I don't start over every year. I just make sure each child has enough fresh clothing (along with clothing that still fits from the previous year) to ensure they are good to go. I replenish as needed througout the year as well.
All that being said, exH makes over $100K a year, owns a very successful construction company and surely does NOT pay me $2400 monthly for our three children. (THAT WOULD BE AWESOME THOGH, I won't lie). He also does not pay me spousal support - which I could have asked for and received for the rest of my life at a very generous rate. We are both aware of this.
Our divorce decree states that he will pay the private school tuition, all extra curriculars, all medical - basically everything PLUS pay me child support. This was on his insistence. This is not what happens as we split tuition, and most extras (I pay the rest) and I provide medical and very rarely ask him for reimbursement from visits - though he always asks me to be reimbursed.
ExH and I never went to
ExH and I never went to court. We worked out our divorce on our own. That's why I'm flexible with our "terms".
I don't assume he's trying to get over on me and I don't think he thinks I'm trying to get over on him. ( he has a new wife that may not agree though and may just see $$$ going out the door).
Court isn't necessary. I try to be fair as does he. But now that we each have new spouses (after bein divorced 6 years, we each remarried this past year).
^^this
^^this
IMHO clothing is what child
IMHO clothing is what child support is for... That being said you are splitting some costs with him that you don't have to so I see your point. Maybe go and calculate how much extra money is put in with your extra costs? Or like others have said just be honest if its breaking the bank you should not have to do it. That being said if your child support covers the childrens costs it seems to me like it is a little unfair to be hunting for extra money... my guess is with private school tuition your costs more then likely exceed the CS being given to you. If you can lay it out in a financial matter of fact way though I cant see your ExH being upset with what you are saying!
Your comment about alimony though is not correct, where I live, so it might be bang on where you are. DSO just got out of court with BM going for everything she could and she got ALOT she shouldn't have. They where together for 10 years. She got a whopping 1.5 years of alimony (that is sarcasm). She wanted more however the judge would only give her enough to get through school.. Also alimony is null and void once you are common law/married. If that is what you are basing your choices on you might be mistaken.