How to stop being attracted to my boss
Please help me. I'm embarrassed to admit this anywhere but here. Ok so we had a new boss come in this week who works above me. I know I am a married woman and this is so wrong. The man is 25 years my senior so it might seem gross to some of you. But I find myself attracted to him. When we have our morning meetings I get excited too hear the sound of his voice and his emerald eyes. When he comes into my office to over see me and praise my good work I get a little starry eyed. He rubbed my back today just for a second and told me to keep up the good work and I loved the warmth of his hand and the smell of his cologne.
I know this is so wrong on many different levels. I don't and won't have an affair ever. I love my DH. I think maybe I am just craving attention because of the problems I've been having with DH lately. I just know that when I started to day dream about my boss I realized that there is something wrong.
What should I do?
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Imagine him with 10 kids,
Imagine him with 10 kids, 12-22, all girls,all bitchy.
Thanks for being harsh. I
Thanks for being harsh. I will take pride in myself and not do anything stupid and the wedding picture thing is a good idea.
wow you sound like me years
wow you sound like me years ago. I hate to tell you but I cheated, got the man I "wanted" then he cheated on me. I guess that was my "kharma" . We've been okay since we joined the church and got Christian counselling a while back but I think I will always feel guilt even though none of our children know what we did. I will always feel like I deserve anything bad that happens to me. Not a good way to live. My life is pretty happy now except for what goes on in my head. If you are not happy with your DH and I see the warning signs, get help. You wont regret it.
You need to tell him TOMORROW
You need to tell him TOMORROW MORNING that he is not to touch you...unless he's shaking your hand.
The fact that he "rubbed your back just for a second" is 25 shades of wrong. HR would be up his ass.
Also, this could be a serious career killer for you. Didn't you JUST get this job? This great promotion/raise/position?? Why would you even entertain thoughts that could totally derail you? Think of you and your goals...not some dirty old man who can ruin your future.
ETA: You want him to regard you as a capable businesswoman, not a hot, young piece of a$$.
Wow ok you guys are right. I
Wow ok you guys are right. I need to stop acting like a little school girl and start acting like a wife, mother and accomplished business woman and I won't let anyone or anything get in the way of that.
BTW, I'm not knocking you...
BTW, I'm not knocking you... I think almost everyone has found themselves in a situation where they get the girl-crush feelings and a little rush. Shoot, it can put an extra spring in your step heading out the door in the morning!
You've just worked hard for this position. Don't let a dirty old man muck it up for you.
I think you're attracted to a
I think you're attracted to a man approving of you because DH was so unsupportive of your promotion.
For whatever reason (maybe because he's just a new guy on the scene) he's representing support, approval, and a lack of drama you'd like to have at home. In short, maybe you're more attracted to the fantasy and what the boss represents rather than the boss himself.
I agree with Rising, be Very careful. I know several people that became "just friends" or "just colleagues" with someone and they "would never cheat" but somehow one thing just led to another and next thing you know...
Think about how hard you've worked to get to your position and realize anything untoward with a boss could have you lose it all. Not only could it lead to you losing your job and your DH, but it would mean your baby would lose his family too. Picture boss with a big ole biohazard label on him and when you feel any attraction, think about how much you could lose by continuing to have any attraction. Picture the hurt you'd see in DH and the kids instead.
Stepdown you are right. I
Stepdown you are right. I appreciate your incite even though I feel gross now. Thank you I will talk to him and make sure he knows touching me is not ok. DH and I already have counseling set up for the end of the month. It sounds like you are a psychologist yourself.
OtterWater1 was spot on- You
OtterWater1 was spot on- You want him to regard you as a capable businesswoman, not a hot, young piece of a$$. And right now, all you are is the "easy score" in the office. Realizing that he has you pegged as the easy, slutty target for a quick lay should make him seem less appealing.
Please don't tell me for a minute you think are SPECIAL to him... If you do, please slap yourself. Come on.
And just remember- somewhere there is a woman who is sick and tired of his shit... and that "shit" is likely him chasing skirts.
... hmm, my grandfather used
... hmm, my grandfather used to say, "Don't get your meat where you get your potatoes" and it took me years to figure THAT one out!
LOLOLOL!!!
Wow steptalk is like a tough
Wow steptalk is like a tough love therapy session today. I love you guys so much and I really appreciate you guys taking out the time to care about me. I do not want to run my marriage and career into the ground. Reading about being the office slut to a dirty old man really snapped me out of my stupidity.
It's fine to like your boss,
It's fine to like your boss, and even feel some attraction. I've been in that situation with colleagues several times. Just being aware is the first thing. You've gotten good advice here, but I'll add a bit more.
Keep your relationship with the boss all about work. Don't discuss personal life at length -- especially his, but do mention your DH where it makes sense. Example, if you see him on a Monday morning and he asks about your weekend, then you can say, Oh, DH and I did this and that. If he starts in on drama about his wife, girlfriend, kids, whatever, find a way to get out of that convo. You're working on a big deadline, whatever. Do not do anything to make the relationship personal.
Make sure you are not alone with him. Not that he's necessarily going to try anything inappropriate (but if you are alone either one of you could slip up if feelings are mutually strong). Give no one the opportunity to gossip.
Be careful how you dress. Conservative, no cleavage. This is the image you want in your new job anyway. Doesn't mean you can't be cute and attractive, just be careful of tight fit and skin.
Keep all emails/other communication about business. It's fine to joke and laugh, but do that in a group.
Vigilance is the key. Enjoy your new job, and it's good that you like your boss. And you can't really help how you feel about him, but you do need to control the emotion. It will get easier with practice. And even easier as you work out the tension with your DH.