LONG SORRY BM randomly decides to stop communicating, and blames FDH!
FDH has been communicating ONLY through email since January.
BM would call, FDH wouldn't answer, it would go to voicemail, if it needed a response, FDH would email it.
BM would text, FDH would email a response.
Finally BM started emailing back and forth about three months after FDH started doing this.
Then suddenly a month ago, she had a melt down.
(I posted about this but I'll summarize. skid hurt foot, needed stitches out, BM made appt on FDH's time when FDH couldn't be there, skids told FDH BM was talking skid to get stitches out, FDH emailed BM to clarify, BM freaked and said FDH verbally agreed to the time and BM would not be driving the hour down to get skid hour back to the appt, hour back to drop back off skid, and hour back home, so FDH said he was going to change the appt time)
BM sent an email response demanding no more emails not more texts that she wanted "to know who she was talking to" from now on phone calls only!
But FDH continued to email,... AND BM CONTINUED TO RESPOND!! She sent responses twice after this NO MORE EMAIL email. So FDH continued to email.
UNTIL A FEW DAYS AGO,...
FDH sent a time sensitive email involving one of the kids asking for a response by last night. He did not get a response, so he sent a text saying
"check your email"
BM responded in text
“About that…kids have told me OUTSIDER has sent me several emails. I don’t use the yahoo email anymore. Which is why I told you in our last email conversation (several weeks ago) not to email me. If you have something to speak to me about then you will need to call or text.”
FDH responded in text
then check your XXXXXXX@gmail.com" (this one she uses for communication with the kids school)
BM responded in text:
“Nope, you have been blocked. I cannot receive emails from you. You have 2 choices, communicate with me or don’t”
few minutes later
“I don’t want to speak with you anymore than you to me. I only want what’s best for the children.”
FDH responded:
“Email is legal, court approved, form of acceptable communication between divorced parents. We had working communication through email until you put a stop to it. Written, documented communication is what is best for the children so there is never another he said/ she said moment. Unblock my email and resume communication or do we need to go back to mediation or court?”
BM did not send anything back.
FDH sent this series of emails and texts to his lawyer this morning to ask how to legally proceed.
BM is contradicting herself in her demands. She said in email never to text or email her again that she wanted phone calls only, but then says in a text that she wants FDH to text or call. She said the reason she didn’t want FDH to email was becaquse she wants to know it’s FDH she’s talking to but then says it is because she stopped using her yahoo email, but then said she blocked FDH from her gmail account.
What the hell!!! EMail was WORKING!!! Why did she just decide one day to stop using it and block FDH???!!!
Is BM just flipping out because she is realizing that she is losing control over my FDH?? Or is she just trying to F with him?
The courts will support FDH, right??? That's what I told him. Documentation on paper is always favored over he said she said stuff, right??
I share these posts with FDH so any words of wisdom from past experiences would be helpful.
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Comments
She probably thinks she has
She probably thinks she has more control over the outcome if she can manipulate with one on one call or text. I know my guy caves more with calls because she knows how to push the right buttons.
Yes it is stupid but when one
Yes it is stupid but when one is dealing with stupid - stupid happens. When one cannot trust what the other says on the phone it MUST be in writing.
If this were a perfect world
If this were a perfect world yeah, great everyone would be perfect parents...
And YES I agree this is stupid! And it is a shame that the two can't communicate.
That's why FDH went to email only communication. He wants things documented. No more "you said" or "I said" situations. No "verbal agreements" that one parent can claim the other made, or that one parent can back out of last minute... That is what was happening.
In high conflict situations, what else is there to do??
When every phone call is an
When every phone call is an opportunity to abuse, belittle, and manipulate, it grows tiresome to the abused party. You can't fix crazy and you can't change a hater. All you can do is protect yourself as best you can.
She started it because she
She started it because she believes (or suspects) that all DH's emails to her and reply backs are not coming from DH. While email is perfectly acceptable means of communication , and yes, sometimes even communication means is written into COs. But if email only is not directly laid out in CO form, you can't make her use email.
IF you want to spend money and go back to fight this out and perhaps get 'email only' included, then do so. If calls and texts or only texts will get the 'job' done, save yourself the time and money fighting over it. You can save texts and use them as documentation just as well as you can email.
While a court might indeed give Dh a modification to how communication must be, do you really want to do that? BM will present why and she will accuse you of doing the emails. Do you really need to go through all that? If DH and she can text, IMO I'd do the texting. They are still communicating. She can't make DH phone her. But texting may take multi attempts to be sure whatever is being texted is clear and understood by both sides. You may have to clarify several times.
Kinda silly really, surely the lady knows you could text off DH's phone if you were really doing the communicating instead of DH. Let her have her little paranoia. Stick to text or fight her. It's Dh's decision.
Well in her email she says
Well in her email she says "no more emails or texts phone calls only"
Later she says that she said "no more emails, text or call"
Obviously FDH texted, he really doesn't have a HUGE objection to texting OTHER THAN it takes A LONG time to keypad in a long texts that ends up getting sent in multiple texts because it is so long and auto correct changes words that then needs additional texts to clarify(this was a problem in the past), and there are kids school and sports calendars which need to be sent by FDH to BM, how can he document that he has sent those? Send certified mail every time he needs to prove that he gave her the schedule??
Also, BM's claims about me
Also, BM's claims about me sending emails, she does think is totally grounded. I proof read ALL of FDH's emails to make sure he is not "attacking" BM with language, or "picking fights". FDH has asked me to do this. But he has said before in front of the kids.
"Outsider, you finish with that email? Make sure you send it tonight"
SOOOOOO.....
The kids have heard FDH say this, I quickly corrected him, in front of the kids and we both exaplained HE is sending BM the emails, but the damage was done nonetheless,....
So BM isn't paranoid, the kids I'M SURE have told her that I send the emails.
But FDH has confronted BM in email and in person and in text and over the phone that 1. It is him sending the emails and she needs to drop it and 2. even if it wasn't him, as long as he does what is agreed in email and there have not been any problems, why the hell does she care?
Now there's a thought. He
Now there's a thought. He could snail mail her schedules/calendars and that type of stuff. It'll bite her buns, especially if he does it so she has to sign for it }:)
That would piss her off to
That would piss her off to have to sign for it. FDH did that when he moved to "officially" inform BM of the new address, even though it was only a mile down the road from where he lived before. She called him up and left a voicemail asking "if that was really necessary"
The only thing is, with 3 kids, that would get really expensive. When FDH had BM sign with return receipt requested for the address it was like $11 !!
Lawyer has not responded yet.
Lawyer has not responded yet.
Both DH & BM are trying to
Both DH & BM are trying to exercise control over the other. But when you think about it - other the exchange times which can be limited by school pick ups etc., there really isn't that much to talk about.
BM tried phone only conversations here to, going so far as to get rid of internet completely. DH just stopped answering. She left a message or she didn't. It was that easy and gods what a relief. When he needed to coordinate pick up/drop offs - we met half way due to 800 mile difference - he'd get the pick up time & say okay then hang up. If she called back - she could leave a message.
The thing is...BM & DH are both going to do what they want anyways. Why spend so much time trying to influence one another?
Your BM is definitely
Your BM is definitely flipping out because she's losing control of the situation! Clearly she's hoping that you'll have less say in anything, if she can be sure she's communicating with only your DH. Because, let's be honest, things would go very differently if you didn't have a say.
Our BM didn't like the email communication either, because she found out that I have access to DH's email and I help him write some of the emails. She's even started copying SD15 on all emails she sends, which of course makes DH look bad if he's saying "No" to any of her requests, and which include a lot of nasty stuff directed towards me, and she keeps putting DH in a does-he-love-SM-more-than-he-loves-his-kids spot.
When BM did manage to have a conversation with DH (while at this job), she sent a follow up email that made it seem as if they had the most wonderful chat in the world and reconnected. DH said that that was NOT how the conversation ACTUALLY went, she was just doing it to stir up trouble. And when we crafted a reply together, she pretty much FLIPPED because she really does want to believe that she has a "parenting relationship" with DH that excludes me.