Am I gullible or am I a pig?

I was cleaning out my DH's work bag yesterday b/c I accidentally spilled a drink on it, so I thought I'd empty it and wash it for him to be nice ya know. Well guess what I found in the inside pocket? A pay as you go cell phone. So I open it and power it up and sure enough there's his xgf's contact number (under an alias name of course). So I check all the messages to and from and the last time they texted back and forth was just a month ago, planning to meet at the gun range, of course it was so she could see ss16ypoopoo. She calls him her sonnypoo and calls herself mammabear. It's so sickening since he is 16 and she isn't even his real mom. In one text she's saying something like mamma here is crying and misses her babypoopoo, why do you keep putting me off and not letting me see him? There were a whole bunch of other short texts saying things like "k" and such and then I got to the real betrayal, one test written by DH and even (accidentally I'm sure) signed by him and also referring to his cancer. In his defense he does text her that he is always busy and dealing with cancer he has no time to deal with her and ss16 and keeping their relationship going that she has to work it out with him and not involve dh.

At first I was just going to confiscate the phone and see when he'd miss it, but I got so angry I could not resist confronting him, so I asked him when was the last time you contacted her. He looked shocked and grabbed his phone and said not since last time we talked about this, see? and he handed me his phone. I said ah no, that's not the phone I am worried about, I found your second cell. He literally look dumbfounded and actually told me it was ss19's old phone which it looked like it had been b/c there were ss19's contacts in there too, but her contact was the last one entered and texts to her were the most recent. I pointed them out to him and he still denied them and actually said the words "I do not recall". I even showed him the one where he mentioned his cancer and signed his NAME and he still denied it. They had planned to meet at the gun range the weekend after memorial day weekend and that was the weekend they went. I am just appalled.

I once again gave him a last chance to not be in contact with her and said I am good at finding out things and if you try to hide contacting her it will always come around and bite you in the ass. Then I wrote into my journal so I would not forget and so he could see, if I see her name or number ever again he is to pack his bags and his son's bags and leave me without argument or denials.

This time I would kick his ass out but he has cancer, and I am not that mean.

Ok ladies so here's my question, am I being a pig over this all? I mean here is an old gf of DH's that got super attached to ss16 back when they were going out. They seemed like the perfect little trio when I came in on the picture. The only reason DH found me is b/c she didn't want him per se and encouraged him to find someone else if he wanted to actually get married again b/c marriage was not her thing. But really I think she was jealous of me when I showed up and shocked that DH and I actually loved each other. She tried for a couple years to stay in the picture by being ss16's football team's team mom (DH was coaching) and always coming over to bring things for ss and always going to all the school functions, etc. She slowly started being pushed out by me putting pressure on DH to push her out. It came to a head one day on the stands when she came and sat by me and the ladies around us were "so who's your kid" and I said #such and such and then asking her who was her kid and she said the same number. They raised eye brows and were like clearing their throats and exchanging looks. You know that awkward moment? After that I told DH she's gotta go, she is not even the BM for pete's sake and she is flaunting herself around the schools like she's the mom. He kept telling me ss needs her, that's always his excuse when he's been secretly in contact with her, it's for ss. I always come back with sure let ss and her have their thing but you don't have to text or call her secretly. I certainly don't call or text my xh secretly and my kids are his bio kids. I even had the thought of having an emotional affair with xh to prove to DH how harmful it is on a marriage but I am much too loyal. Maybe that's my downfall. So anyways after all that, am I being a pig and should I just let dh text her? I NEVER see texts to and from ss16's phone to her or from her so I am thinking it's DH who is still in love with her and wanting to stay in touch. It's all so weird and twisted to me and it twists at my guts.

I really honestly don't want to leave DH, I love him, but in all reality, if he is actually in love with this bitch but can't have her is he then in love with me as second best? Am I just his second choice since she won't have him? That makes me feel like crap.

Will I ever get rid of her, or do I need to go? You'd think DH would know his ass his on the line and he'd not contact her b/c he would not be able to keep ss16 if we broke up b/c he has no job and only child support for income at this point. Is he really so "addicted" to his x gf to risk not only our marriage but ss as well? Does his desire to be in contact with her cloud his thinking that much? Does he actually believe I will be gullible to his "I do not recall" for forever?

PS, I broke the cell and threw it away right in front of DH. I saw him visibly cringe. Felt good.

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I think he still has feelings

I think he still has feelings for her and he doesn't want to let her go. He went to the trouble of keeping his son's old phone activated to secretly text her and she doesn't seem to want to let go either. It is more about your DH than your SS because if it was about SS she would not go through DH.

Any man who has a burner

Any man who has a burner phone to hide communication with an ex-gf, clearly has way more to hide then you even know about. That is calculated deception. He lied to your face !

Not only did he LIE by omission and then outright LIE to your face about it, he thinks you are gullible enough to BELIEVE that BS. THAT is what would piss me off the most!

Does HE think he can do whatever he wants because he has cancer and you won't leave him??

A 16 year old is WAY old enough to decide who they want and don't want relationships with. If the relationship with her was that important to him, she wouldn't have to contact his FATHER to arrange it.

It's not a question of you

It's not a question of you being "second best". You don't even want to be "first" when he is having a relationship with another woman.

This is not about SS. He is 16 not 6. He can manage to have his own relationship with this woman outside of your DH.

Your biggest issue is that he is out and out lying to you. Many men take that out even when confronted with the most egregious lies.

No you are not being a pig. Only you can decide if he is worth it or not. Forget about the cancer. You don't owe a cheating man one damn thing - cancer or not.

Would he risk it all? Honey he already has. And now that he's caught he's just continuing the lies. This is not a man you can trust. Just remember loving someone is NEVER enough.

Me - I'd kick his ass out. He's already had his once chance. This is going to happen to you over and over again. Maybe not with her but there are always other women available. A man has to be faithful because he WANTS to.

How are you going to feel when he is past his treatment and then he resumes his relationship with her?

^^^Sadly, but this

^^^Sadly, but this completely...

Move on with your life and find someone that loves you. This guy clearly doesn't if he's deceiving you like this.

If he will do all of this to

If he will do all of this to you when he has cancer what will he do if/when he doesn't?

This will never get any better. He is a lying jerk. You might as well kick him and his son out now. Let him live off of the gf for a while.

I left my ex husband one

I left my ex husband one month after he got out of a mental facility because he tried to kill himself. Did I feel like a pig? No. Did I feel bad? Yes. But he did nothing in that month to help himself. He continued to lie and not go to therapy and not do anything to make his life better. I did not want to be the one left holding the bag when his next attempt was successful. I got out. I'm sure people look at me and say 'What a bitch.' But you know what? Me leaving FORCED him to get up off his feet and make his life better. Which he did. And now - we're cool.

It sucks that he has cancer but to what end do you put up with bullshit? This would be an absolute deal breaker for me.. this type of secrecy and deceit. I could not handle always checking behind my back which is the future you're now looking forward to. Get out or it's your own fault from here on out.

I hate to agree but they are

I hate to agree but they are right. I see this so many times at my job. The men here have three phones. One for the wife/gf one for the ex and one for the side fun. I would be furious with that man.

No you're not being a pig.

No you're not being a pig. Having a secret phone to communicate with an ex is not okay, and as she isn't even the bm it makes it even more worse. Maybe her and ss do have a good relationship and want to keep in touch, but at 16 years old surely he has his own phone and they can communicate directly with each other without needing to involve your dh. She sounds creepy and possessive to me, telling other parents at games that that's her boy, having stupid pet names for a teenage boy who isn't even related to her, texting stupid messages to your dh etc. Your dh has made a conscious decision to use this secret phone to communicate with her so he obviously knows you dislike him having contact with her. Regardless of knowing your feelings, he's still gone ahead and deliberately hidden it from you, then tried to lie when you confronted him. I would be furious too - it's deceitful, disrespectful and extremely suspicious. I agree with the others - it's bad that he's ill but don't let that tie you to him. Having cancer is not an excuse for behaving like a shit and however bad you feel for him, it shouldn't make him immune from facing the consequences of his sneaky, disrespectful behaviour.

sigh lady face I need to

*sigh* lady face I need to borrow you to explain this concept of moving on to our bm2....

True . Most only speak

True :). Most only speak narcissist b$tch anyways.

I don't know how else to put

I don't know how else to put this... so...

Sometimes, giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed you the first time.

*Me personally - I'd be planning my exit strategy. And quickly.

Read this. I found it very

Read this. I found it very helpful and painful at the same time.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-name-love/200803/loving-two-p...

I'm so sorry you are going through this heartache. It sucks

((((sterlingsilver))))

IMHO: Your gullible. His

IMHO: Your gullible.

His cancer diagnoses would have cut him a break to where I would have only kicked him in each nut once before tossing his ass and the skid out the door.

If he didn't have cancer, I would have tap danced on those little orbs, flattened them to the width of a sheet of paper, then tossed his ass out.

LOL on my wish list is a pair

LOL on my wish list is a pair of 'specialized' tap shoes. DH asked me before christmas why I wanted tap shoes 'no reason, just want them'. Then he asked what the specialization was: instead of taps I want metal cleats! }:)

DH looked like he was gonna :sick: and for some reason, I never got tap shoes for Christmas! :?

LOL! Oh My! Love it.

You'd think DH would know his

You'd think DH would know his ass his on the line and he'd not contact her b/c he would not be able to keep ss16 if we broke up b/c he has no job and only child support for income at this point
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Oh hun...he does know this, And he STILL bought and HID a phone from you for the purpose of being a sneaky asshole. I know you love him and dont' want to leave him. But at one point, he is going to or has, cheated on you. IMHO. Maybe get some counseling...?