My new husband doesn't like my three sons

This is what he said when he woke up this morning, "I am not ready to divorce you but I am ready to divorce your children". What is that mean????

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We need more info then that

We need more info then that whats going on that he is really complaining about?
Because it sounds like he has had enough of something or everything

Im a BM and a SM and I will tell you I am the first to point out my kids flaws to my DH their SF and attempt to correct them before I get the finger pointed.

So whats his complaint specifically?

I hate to agree with you, but

I hate to agree with you, but that is very true. Plus I lived alone for 15 years. Getting used to having a kid in the house was extremely difficult for me and I still struggle with it.

Hell.....I still struggle with having my DH in the house. }:)

I'd have to ask the same

I'd have to ask the same question as the others. Has your DH talked to you about your children? Does he have kids? Is this a blending issue?

Please provide more information so we can help you out.

It sounds like he's ready to

It sounds like he's ready to disengage from your children and not be involved with them. I suspect there have been ongoing issues that have not been resolved.

We have been married for 2 years now. He has 3 teenagers, 2 girls (18 and 16) 1 boy (17). We all live in the same roof. My kids live with us full time since their dad flew out of the country and never pays child support 6 months after the divorce (2009). My husband's kids live with us almost full time. They don't get along well with their mother. His complain is mostly about to do chores. Well, we assigned every kids to do their chores. My kids can never do anything right. He is all over them for any small stuff like if they left the lights on or holding their spoon or fork or, all things that his kids do regularly without having to deal with any snarly comments from my husband. We also have 3 dogs, and they are belong to his kids. They don't take care or train the dogs very well. They let them pee/poop in the house, running around in the house, chewing shoes and plants. One time one of the dog jumped over the fence and attacked a pedestrian, again he blamed my kids for not watching the dog while they are in the backyard. They curse each other and calling each other names when they are upset, in front of my kids. Even my husband do that to my kids too. His son is the worst, he is bossing my kids around, especially to my 8 yr old. And my husband would believe whatever he said. Sometimes his son would framed my kids to get into trouble and got yelled at. My children are not perfect. They are just like any other kids. But I swear on my father's grave that they are the best kids you could ever have for step-kids. They did not say or complain about anything, even to me, unless I asked. They do things when they asked to without arguing (unlike his kids) even though they did not do it like we expect it. But they are just kids!

My kids are everything to me. They are the reason I could put my self together and stand up during my difficult time going through the divorce. If it's not because of them I would probably wouldn't stand where I stand right now. They are the reason I got my strength to face this world. I do love my husband dearly. He treats me well but it is painful to hear and see how they treated my kids like that. So when he said something like that, I feel like that's a red flag for me. I don't know what to do anymore.

My sons are 13, 10 and 8 yrs

My sons are 13, 10 and 8 yrs old.

Thanks for the

Thanks for the information.

We had the same problem in our house. DH and I do not parent the same way, at all. This issue took a lot of energy and drained our relationship. Finally someone on here had given someone else some great advice and I decided to use it myself.

I wrote DH a letter explaining that the problems with the children needed to come off the table because it causes us to not focus on our relationship. I told him he needed to parent his children and I parent my kids. Neither of us can give out parenting advice to the other. Any negative feeling that our step children may have not reached the step parents expectations is to be kept to ourselves. Absolute silence.

If it is a financial issue such as my skid loses his cell phone, I do ask if he will disconnect the phone.

DH was not happy when I first gave him this letter, but I think he thought about where I was coming from. Our conversations have changed, we concentrate on our relationship and spend more time together.

Your situation is different because you don't get a break from some of the kids but I think it's still doable.

Well, I'd tell him that I was

Well, I'd tell him that I was ready to divorce HIM!!! He sounds like an emotional f*ckwit. Apparently he and his demon-spawn can do no wrong so they all deserve each other. Move one. . . He clearly isn't worth it and your children deserve better than this asshat.

That's a lot of children and

That's a lot of children and a big age range, it's not surprising there's tension. Only you can know whether your husband is a good man, with the usual lower tolerance threshold for someone else's children, or is actually overbearing and mean spirited and deliberately applying a double standard. It sounds like you have a lot of gripes about his children and think he favours them, and it seems pretty certain he has a lot of gripes about your children and thinks you favour them. I notice you say that:
"They do things when they asked to without arguing (unlike his kids) even though they did not do it like we expect it."
Which basically says to me that his kids moan about their chores, fairly standard teenage behaviour, and yours will do them, but not very well, fairly standard pre teen behaviour.

If he points out some things to your children that he doesn't to his older children then some of that may come down to age appropriate parenting, you can't treat a 17 year old like an 8 year old. For example when children are younger you can have rules about tidy rooms etc, but as your child approaches adulthood you have to loosen the reins and allow them their own space, and some control over that space. Maybe you could sit down with your husband and give each other the opportunity to air the things which you are finding most frustrating, and agree a plan to give each other more support and understanding over those issues. Obviously you would have to try hard to make it constructive and not descend into a tit for tat bitch about each others children. Sometimes just venting the gripes eases the pressure, and if you know what is pressing each others buttons you can step in and try to be more proactive when the triggers arise.

#1- DO NOT ALLOW HIM TO

#1- DO NOT ALLOW HIM TO PARENT YOUR KIDS. tell him you agree, that he definitely needs to divorce your kids. if you've been allowing him, put a stop to it and if it doesn't stop immediately, you're probably going to have to leave and go through conseling to save your marriage. i think you need counseling anyway, but your first priority is to stop this bullying of your children immediately. then later, when the two of you can AGREE on rules and punishments and ALL the children are held accountable, maybe then he can assist in parenting, but it has to be without the bullying. GIVE THAT MAN HIS DIVORCE FROM YOUR KIDS!

But it should go both ways

But it should go both ways also... Disengage from his also and make him step up and parent his. Don't allow this to double up on you.

Sounds like it is time to

Sounds like it is time to give your DH some clarity on household rules and consistent compliance with those rules for all of the kids.

This marriage won't work without some major changes in how you and DH partner and how DH and his spawn interface with your spawn.

Good luck.

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My new husband doesn't like my three sons

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