looking out for MY little one
This is my first time doing this but need to get opinions. I met my boyfriend when he asked me to help obtain custody of his the 10 month old daughter. She seemed to me to be a normal, well rounded baby. They went through court and had an every day exchange that was quite exhausting. In March the mother decide to go to rehab and stop fighting custody. I moved in the endof February. So on or around April 1st his daughter was living with us permanently along with my then 6 month old daughter (now 8 months). His daughter was unbearable in the beginning. Cried and screamed constantly. He works night shift so I had both babies by myself. My daughter ALWAYS has a pleasant demeanor. Smiles all the time. So I fought with always having to reprimand his child in front of me. Found myself screaming at her too much. We sat down to talk and I told him I wasn't sure I could handle this, he fully acknowledges his daughter erratic behavior. Now 2 1/2 months later with time, effort, love and discipline, his daughter is coming around. She is still not very affectionate and some days easier than others. My current problem: her "bullying" my baby. I can't hold my child without his daughter trying to push her off of me or just trying to sit on me. My grandmother watches them when our work schedules cross and she has actually resorted to push my child and slapping in the face. And she kicked my niece in the face and attempted to kick my daughter in the face too. I brought this up to my bf, he will let them play in his daughter's room together alone for a few minutes, I told him I don't feel comfortable with it. He tells me she doesn't do things like that with my daughter when he has them but I don't care. I don't feel like my daughter's safe around his. And if she hurts her, I know I will blow up. Help! I'm at the end of my rope!
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Please see my reply to all.
Please see my reply to all. I've typed a lot.
Mine is 8 months, his 16
Mine is 8 months, his 16 months. And yes, BM is a drug/alcohol addict and diagnosed bipolar. On lithium every day. Very unemotional. Never kiss, hugged or cuddled her baby. Left her in the crib with bottle after bottle. My daughter is and has been adored since birth and shown love.
OMG If you can't handle a
OMG
If you can't handle a BABY acting like a BABY, you need to walk away.
To me she is not a BABY being
To me she is not a BABY being a baby because my baby doesn't act like that. When children do something wrong, you should reprimand. I am a very mild mannered person and raising my voice is unacceptable. I acknowledged that and changed it. But thanks.
My baby is 8 months, his 16
My baby is 8 months, his 16 months. And BM is on a daily dose of lithium. When reprimanded I was raising my voice. Something I am sure I will never have to do with my daughter. So thank you Disneyfan for your opinion. Tog, that's how I look at it. I haven't raised my voice, I get on her level, tell her what's she's done wrong and place her in her crib. Just so tired, they will play in her room and he'll be doing dishes in the next room and he'll walk in every few minutes to check on them. My baby is almost crawlingand of course his is walking. Right this moment she's fussing and throwing a fit because he's feeding my daughter breakfast although she's already ate. I have 5 brothers, I've never seen this behavior and they are all close in age.
I would say miserable. I know
I would say miserable. I know what it's like with my daughter. Even his own family gravitates toward my daughter because of her easy disposition. Not only is this effecting me but my family watches her and watches her aggression towards my daughter. It's hard to watch and not want to pack my child up and run away from it because I see her getting bullied and she's so timid. His daughter has taken strides since I've been parenting. I have them on a routine and she does so well. Now remind you, he works 7 nights straight! I have both babies by myself every night. It can be exhausting. I stock with it because I know his daughter needs it but feel like my daughter isn't getting everything I promised she would from me.
Meant to say "wouldn't say
Meant to say "wouldn't say miserable"
Oh and should i mention that
Oh and should i mention that my brother and I are 16 months apart and how kids are as well and we never behaved like this or seen his kids behave that way.
That's what my grandmother
That's what my grandmother suggested. But how do I say this to him?! He acknowledges her behavior but it's so hard.
I've just never experienced
I've just never experienced this. All my friend have kids close in age. I wasn't reprimandind at 10 months old. It was around 13 months or so. She was just flip out. Scream, hit etc.
Plop your daughter full time
Plop your daughter full time in a new home with a new mommy, and she will behave the same way your SD is behaving.
Why are the kids being fed one at a time? Why didn't he feed them at the same time. Or each of you feed one kid at the same time.
I don't believe my daughter
I don't believe my daughter would. It hard to explain when people aren't here to see. She's like this towards every child she meets. Aggressive. Never ever use to smile. Does more often now.
And he got up this morning to feed them. His daughter feeds herself and mine still has to be feed. They are very routine and do everything together. Sleep, nap, eat, bath.
I guess I can see where
I guess I can see where you're coming from in that aspect. She would be devastated.
That's why I posted this. At
That's why I posted this. At this point I don't believe it's normal baby behavior. I know it's from the situation with her mother. She's improved but it's a huge task to fix what someone else did to a child, especially when I'm trying to raise another baby
I completely agree with 1. My
I completely agree with 1. My bf feels as if they're just ayin
As far as 2, no I don't love her like my own. It was just my daughter and I. I went from that to this situation. My daughter's father and I get along perfectly fine. It's hard when I have a very loving and affectionate child and then one who isnt affectionate whatsoever. We changed our way of parenting with her about a month ago and she has shown a ton of improvement. Then the court order on day of visitation with her mother after not seeing her for 2 1/2 months. His daughter seemed unsure of going with her and it was hard. Now she comes home to us the next day and acting out.
My bf does get on the floor and play around with her. Like she crawls on top of him and whatnot. Just this morning she took both hands and pushed my baby down, kicked her, stepped on her fingers, sat on the toys while my daughter was playing and took every toy from her. I give her a firm no but I don't know what else to do.
My bf feels as if they're
My bf feels as if they're just saying so he'll straighten up the living. Still can hear them but takes one second for something to happen.
It has crossed my mind to
It has crossed my mind to leave. But she's made so much progressed and I'd be doing exactly what her mother did. But I feel.like this will break us anyway.
The best part is, he is very
The best part is, he is very attentive to both girls but firm as well. We do really well when it comes to parenting and being on the same page. BM does have mental issues which she's medicated for. If it were just how child, I don't think I'd be here typing, but I feel like I have to protect my child. I don't want her exposed to this type of behavior. It is unacceptable to me to have my child act out in such a way and that's why I have raised her the way I have. In the midst of this custody battle is where it messed her up bad.
Oh Michele ... Your bf's
Oh Michele ...
Your bf's daughter was unloved and neglected from Day1. But the only mother figure she had was taken from her. Your daughter has had you from Day 1 who is actively involved in her life... from Day 1. There is a world of difference between your daughter and your bfs daughter. Comparing them is cruel and unfair. Your bfs daughter did not get the benefits your daughter did. And your friends who have kids .... they have all shared the same home environment so of course they play better together.
In ancient Roman times there was a rather horrible experiment done. They took orphan babies and some were played with and coddled and sung to and shown love. The others were cared for and that was it. Never spoken or sung to, never played with or shown love. They were fed and given clean clothes and a place to sleep and that was about it. The neglected children died. Given time this would have happened to bfs daughter.
Tell him that it may be a good idea to get his daughter assessed for developmental or emotional problems due to her long term exposure to his poor choice of mother for his child. Blame it on the BM but she needs assessments and treatment now rather than later when the damage is hardwired into her brain.
And yes, kids do get jealous. They have to learn to share. This is all taught to them and right now the choice is yours, do you want to take on this motherless child or not? Is your relationship long term or not? And is it fair to not be considering this long term AND living with BF when eventually you will go away and both girls lose someone vitally important to them.
I spoke to my bf. She has a
I spoke to my bf. She has a check up on Monday and he's going to go over everything with her doctor.
She has made improvements. It was pretty bad after her mom kept her from her dad for 9 days straight. Was the first time she was ever away from him. Her mother has another child that is 5 and being raised by her dad. She went through the same thing the first year of her life. But seems to be well rounded.
I have been the mother figure. How I feel on here is not what I express around the children. I want to protect them from feeling hurt and unwanted. I do blame it on her mother and my bf blames himself for keeping her around for so long. But blame will get us nowhere.
I grew up with my mother as a drug addict and alcoholic. Something that will always be a struggle to her. And I swore when I got pregnant that my daughter would know nothing of that world from me or anyone else in her life. I promised her she'd know nothing but love and happiness.
This too shall pass....
My daughter acted similarly
My daughter acted similarly for a short time not long ago. She's now 20 months and her sister is 7 months. Both are my kids. Sounds like your 18 month old is acting like an 18 month old. It takes awhile for them to catch on that the baby is alive and not a toy, and even after that there are jealousy issues. You shouldn't be leaving kids with that age difference alone together EVER. 18 month old does not understand that bludgeoning her little sister with a book will kill her. She just doesn't. She will learn, with patience and guidance. You say your daughter doesn't act like that, well they aren't the same kid. All babies are a little different than others. Some have temporary biting problems. Some are little angels and don't get really crazy until much later.
Bottom line, you need to learn more about normal behavior for kids her age and for young siblings, instead of just constantly comparing her to your own child. They're at different stages of development, and they're different people. The problem here is likely you, not the girls. Get some counseling, and try to find a way to take a break for a day or two. And please please please, find out more about what is NORMAL for your stepdaughter before making her enemy #1 at 18 months!