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Finally told him I can't do it......

BG2212's picture

Submitted by BG2212 on Thu, 01/30/2014 - 8:54am

SD 2 years old. BD 16 months old. I love my boyfriend dearly but I just can't do it. Give up the happiness or mine and my daughter for him and his. Yesterday we were snowed in and the day was completely MISERABLE. For him as well. Wake up to his daughter screaming. Mine - woke up by his but sitting quietly in her crib. The day consisted of her pushing my daughter out of anger for not getting her way, a scream and fit every time she didn't get her way and even a slap to her father's face!! I could tell he had no desire to be around her from that point on and it was a relief for him to leave for work BUT I was home with her. My daughter was tired and always takes a second nap which she fell asleep and was woken by SD screaming her head off so here I have a 16 month that rarely ever cries but is crying from being overly tired and just miserable. So I sit there thinking if SD wasn't there we would have had a peaceful and pleasant day at home and all my nights would be peaceful and then I feel guilty for thinking like that but it's the reality. So for the sake of my sanity I finally decide that I am simply not watching his child anymore. I don't have him watch mine and even if I did she is well behaved and a joy to be around (which we both acknowledge).

I have not officially moved in but have been staying with him for the past 3 months. She was going to daycare before and as far as I am concern she can go back to daycare (he works evening shift, opposite of me,7-8 nights straight). So I spend every single night with SD and some nights I don't have my daughter since she is with her dad.

I wouldn't blame him for saying he doesn't want to be with me based on my feelings but also I am not going to put mine and my daughter's happiness to the side for "love". Because above anything I love my baby more than anyone.

So we'll see where this goes BUT I refuse to feel guilty.

Comments

farting_glitter's picture

Submitted by farting_glitter on Thu, 01/30/2014 - 9:32am

^^^this

BG2212's picture

Submitted by BG2212 on Thu, 01/30/2014 - 9:17am

He has agreed to transfer to day shift which is great and he is willing to make changes in that aspect. When he is home I don't have to deal with it, he does. But in the meantime I can't watch her. I just can't. It consumes my life and happiness.

He knows all this but I think what he is looking for is someone to stand by him through it and if I didn't have a daughter of my own maybe I would be able to tolerate it more but no, not happening. I won't put up with this behavior from my own daughter. She is a spoiled brat. Plain and simple.

BG2212's picture

Submitted by BG2212 on Thu, 01/30/2014 - 9:42am

I'm standing my ground for sure. I haven't moved anything to his house but my daughter's crib and two cubicle things, some of our clothes.

I haven't moved them back out yet. He was at work last night when I sent him a text. He called on break and told me that he wishes I would have talked to him in person about it. Came home last night and woke me up to go to bed like every night. He asked me if I could help him out today with watching her and he will take care of it from there. Which I agreed to. Not going to leave him in a bind and being an ass about it all. But he knows after tonight that that's it. I am not watching her anymore. I told him if push comes to shove occasionally I would help but I will no longer let it be an obligation of mine.

Generic's picture

Submitted by Generic on Thu, 01/30/2014 - 10:05am

Exactly, you'd be surprised how many times that push comes to shove. That expression, "your procrastination is not my emergency" needs to be always in your head. He might come up with all kinda of emergencies.

BG2212's picture

Submitted by BG2212 on Thu, 01/30/2014 - 9:12am

That's how I feel but then I think how would I feel if the person I was dating said they couldn't stand to be around my daughter? (That's not how I put it, just simply told him I couldn't handle it anymore).

I think that's how it should be....still date but we take care of our own responsibilities. And our kids can be together when we have time together. But I resent spending ALL of my time with a child that is so bad and unruly.

Btw, none of his family is in the picture nor BM. My mother was watching her and expressed to me yesterday that she was no longer willing to help for the same reasons. I told him that and he accepted it.

So now he's fighting with his heart on this. He knows his kid is the reason we are not working so as a parent how do you handle that? I don't know how I would.

Bio-Step-Mom's picture

Submitted by Bio-Step-Mom on Thu, 01/30/2014 - 9:50am

Oh boy. I really like my stepkids but there is NO way I would take on being their primary caretaker.

My sister was married to a guy who INSISTED he have "all of his kids" every weekend and who was with the kids the entire time?? Exactly. Not him.

BG2212's picture

Submitted by BG2212 on Thu, 01/30/2014 - 9:58am

Yea, I am just not going to do it. I don't want to go anywhere with his child. Last I took her any where with me she flipped out and embarrassed me. My friend that has 2 step children, 2 biological and is pregnant was annoyed by her.

I am her primary caretaker more than he is. My daughter's father and I have a great relationship with our daughter! She even goes with her paternal grandmother every other week. We are not court ordered to do what we do, we do it because we're good parents.

BG2212's picture

Submitted by BG2212 on Thu, 01/30/2014 - 12:20pm

I look at it just as you have said. And the answer is NO! There is better out there. And I can be thankful that my child will not be "that" child in my situation.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Thu, 01/30/2014 - 1:14pm

He knows his kid is the reason we are not working so as a parent how do you handle that?

He handles that by figuring out how to parent his daughter. You said he's willing to transfer shifts but what about the parenting classes?

BG2212's picture

Submitted by BG2212 on Thu, 01/30/2014 - 2:22pm

Well we have talked. He is sending her back to the sitter as before. He has actually attended a parenting class. We have tried multiple parenting techniques, there will be improvement and then she'll regress.

She is defiant and he does stand his ground with her and discipline. He has more patience than I do without and I chalk that up to her being his child. My daughter is not a screamer and does not threw fits. That's what I am use to and that is how I have raised her to be.

He is just as frustrated by it all except unlike me, he can't say he doesn't want to be her parent.

dara1's picture

Submitted by dara1 on Fri, 01/31/2014 - 3:43pm

Isn't this a case of the terrible two's which your 16 month old will also phase through?