I am sure she would scream, cry, tell dad, possible slap back...

What is the background?

My nieces stepmom slapped her...

Niece did nothing in return (because she is a good kid).

My sister slapped stepmom... with a restraining order }:)

I would only hit my stepdaughter if she started swinging first and I needed to defend myself (she and I are the same height and weight).

However, if I took a swing at her, then I would fully expect that neither she nor her father would tolerate it.

I don't agree that SM should have hit SD but knowing myself if the girl was smart mouthing, in my face or cursing at me it would be hard not to pop her one.

If the SD was trying to pick a fight or get a reaction from SM she got what she wanted the chance to throw it down with SM. She probably felt justified to hit her back. That way she could tell daddy SM threw the first punch.

IMO, SD should not be left in SM's care especially now that there is physical violence between the two.

Actually, I am sure the DH knew that things were bad and should never have left DD with SM in the first place. In other words, it should never have came to this.

But now that it has, SD and SM should not be left alone. SM and SD should go to counseling.

The DH should have a discussion with each one on how them fighting literally solved nothing!

SD - should be taught there is certain ways to treat adults, with RESPECT.

SM - should be told that she should not hit the SD but she will not be expected to discipline or be the care taker for her either.

If anyone hit my child, I would press charges on them. And as long as my child is a minor they'd not be seeing them.

When I get ticked off at my SDs, I tell them to go to their rooms or I leave the room so we can all cool off.

When I was 16 I was sassing my momma not cursing just sassing. My momma took a belt after me and whipped my butt.

Then she started crying.

I felt sooo bad. I couldn't believe she was crying. I apologized, told her I was sorry that I was just a rebellious kid and I really did love her.

I slapped my 17 yo step son.

He called me a lying bitch and my hand met his lips. When I posted about it on step talk those who responded were in favor of the young man getting put in his place.

In all honesty, the slap was a knee jerk reaction, not thought of before hand. However, had I thought about it I am pretty sure it would have happened anyway.

Why would it be different if I slapped one of the girls for the same reason?

I'm not a violent person. I don't have children and never had minor skids so don't know how far one can really be pushed.

But what I do know about myself is that I can absolutely freeze a person out of my life even if I have to see them - like in a work environment. My real concern with me with a teen is that I would be emotionally cruel to them.

Nobody can do "bitch" better than me. I can do more damage with words than any slap.

A little more info would probably be a big help!

I am with most of the others on here. If she was mouthing off, she probably deserved it and if neither of her bio's will put her in her place she is lucky to have someone who cares enough to teach her a little respect. I have popped my SS for being a little mouthy shit to me. My Dh has never said a word when I have done it either.

What does it matter step or not?

My mom slapped me and I slapped her back. Does step matter? When a situation with a nasty teen escalates, what is the difference if its a step or non step mom.

Mom slaps nasty teen, nasty teen retaliates or not.... I don't see how step really changes it...

run your mouth, situation escalates, you might get slapped by someone

The day came where my SM raised her hand to me the last time, I hissed at her that if she touched me she'd find herself in the hospital and facing assault on a minor I was done being abused. Two days later the same went with my dad he backhanded me and I punched him square on the jaw and left for my mothers. I had been abused by them long enough, when I did try and reconcile neither ever threatened me physically again but the mental was enough I moved out at 19 and never looked back.

Hands are not for hitting! I would make a report and press charges. Even if its a spouse, kids/teenagers need to be protected. I don't know what reaction the teenager had but I wouldn't be surprised if she smacked the step mother right back!

I never once laid a hand on my SS...I did have a nice long talk with SS once about our respective roles in the household. I told him in very simple terms that the ONLY reason why I would strike him would be if he was endangering himself or another member of the family. SS said that he would never do that. "Then I will never hit you." I said.

I did threaten to carry him over my shoulder once. He was refusing to do something his mother was telling him to do. SS was really digging in his heels. I quietly told him to do as his mother was telling him otherwise he would have to deal with me. That got him going.

However, spanking from a stepparent will almost always be seen as abuse.

^^^^ THIS.

*****

****

I wonder how many would slap an adult (let's say BM or husband) that called them a bitch.

It's interesting that many are quick to hit kids, but not adults.

I know plenty of BPs who would not think twice about beating the breaks off of a SP for hitting their children.

In some places people who have been traumatised by years of abuse end up snapping and lashing out and even killing their abuser. And the mitigating circumstances and mental state of the abused are considered when charge are considered.

How much abuse (mental, emotional as well as physical) has this sm put up with before she snapped?

OP, how does your sd treat your wife? How supportive are you of your wife when there are problems? When your wife (rightfully) tries to be an adult figure in your daughters life do you support her efforts or does your daughter treat her like a doormat and you allow it?

I have read your other blog about how your wife was trying to be the boss. Well, if your wife was having expectations regarding your daughters behaviour in public and she copped a serve (probably yet again) from your daughter i think thereARE mitigating circumstances.

You do not come across as overly supportive of your wife in her difficulties with your daughter. Perhaps if you had ensured she had your daughters full respect before now it wouldn't have come to this?

Perhaps i am reading into this given my own situation, my OH makes no effort to check his daughters behaviour towards me, and so she treats me like something she stepped in. When he is not present she is mouthy, rude and disrespectful and manipulative. I can only see this getting worse as she enters the teenage years. But if things dont change i can fully see myself hauling back and letting her have it one day.

So, how much has your wife been forced to swallow with a smile, be the better person, be the adult? A 14yo girl is no innocent child lets race it.