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OT - family shunning due to marriage to DH

sterlingsilver's picture

Submitted by sterlingsilver on Tue, 06/04/2013 - 8:04am

My two younger sisters who are 8 and 9 years younger then me have not spoken to me and have blocked me from FB, email, phone, etc, since I married DH. They tried talking me out of marrying him (for obvious reasons with his kids and how they've treated me) but I went ahead and married him. My older sis came to my wedding but the younger two disowned me. They didn't disown older sis for coming here, just me. At one point I was hurting so much from what they've done to me, I have layed out my heart and tried everything but they refuse to respond, DH wrote a message to them saying how disrespectful etc they are (his note was not very kind, it was what they needed to hear but of course what they don't want to hear and it should have not come from him and he should have left well enough alone but he is a protector - and now it's worse. Well worse is a relative term here.

I am wondering if anyone else lost family or friend(s) b/c of marrying a man (with kids) or a man the family thought wasn't the right one for them. Whatever the case, has it happened to you?

We have a family reunion this summer and I was invited but I was stuck in a cabin with the nephews, nieces, great nephews, nieces etc (20 people to a cabin) and all my siblings (8 of them) and their spouses in a cabin, except me of course. (obviously the younger sisters are doing the planning) I was going to be ok with this but then got a message, through my one bro, that I have been uninvited. No prob since I can't go anyhow b/c of dh having cancer and his treatments and shots, but now I am thinking I might want to go just to piss on some feet. I'd find a hotel close by and just go out to that camp ground during the day and spend time with all my bros! I really love my family, even though we are a large family (and all from the same two parents I might add! we are (were) all very close knit.

What do you all think, first of all about family who disown a member due to them making choices with their life they dont agree with and then me just showing up 3,000 miles away at a reunion? (is that wise or will it add to the fire?)

Anyhow, there is obviously more to the story and more details but this is the over all view of how my family is, 6 accepting DH for who he is and 2 not at all. It's HARD for me b/c us 3 sisters were so darn close before this all happened. I am sure it's a total control thing and they don't like that I went ahead and did with my life what I wanted but I just want to hear some of your opinions on this too. I always find your thoughts interesting.

THX!!

Comments

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Tue, 06/04/2013 - 8:16am

Seriously, let them go. My sisters didn't want me to marry, DH because of his kids, but they got over it. We have been together 9 years and they have grown up and moved on with their lives. Our relationship is good, we are not social, but we have vacationed together with my mom.

Sounds like you need to accept them for who they are and just stay away from them. They want the turmoil...Do not give it to them.

clydella's picture

Submitted by clydella on Tue, 06/04/2013 - 8:26am

I'm so sorry they are doing this to you. Why aren't your other family members sticking up for you? Are they scared they'll be shunned too? This really sucks!!

I don't much care for my BIL, but I'd never let my sister know it, that's her husband. I wouldn't push her away from me for him, I love her too much. I try to remember if he's good enough for her, he's good enough for me.

Don't go, don't put yourself thru that kind of hurt, their not worth it. Treat yourself to something you know you will enjoy!!

sterlingsilver's picture

Submitted by sterlingsilver on Tue, 06/04/2013 - 6:08pm

Thanks everyone, I truly value all of your posts! I agree with everyone, except I have to say Echo is right in that the reunion is not the place to bring family drama. To clarify, I WANT to go to the reunion b/c I have not missed one reunion my whole life so it's going to be hard knowing everyone is there, all my sibs, nieces and nephs and all the kids and kids of kids, but alas I cannot go at this time b/c of my husbands cancer. I am a bit worried that this will add more fuel to the younger sister's fire, "now dh doesn't let her even come to a reunion!!!!" Horror of all horrors - he is a monter DH and she should not be with him b/c he keeps her away from the family and blood should count, right?", but it's just going to have to be what they think and if they won't call or write me to clarify why I cannot make it and just want to gossip about me, then let 'em. One of you thought how weird it is that the rest of my sibs don't stand up for me, DH wonders that too. My sister who is casing all the probs is the second to youngest and has always been like the "queen" of the family. DH thinks my brother's are spineless not standing up to her, but my brothers all say our disagreement is ours not theirs. This sister has always been in our family like the popular girl in school, everyone kisses her ass to make her like them and she in turn makes you feel special, but if you cross her, oh my, the shunning is harsh and swift. She has always been the kind of girl who could turn on the big tears when her feelings are hurt, use that whiny voice to convince you she is right, etc. Know the type? Yup, that's who I am dealing with. I'm a middle child and always find myself being the peacemaker, now I have hit an issue with the last person I ever wanted to hit an issue with and I have been harshly shunned. Bla.