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Bio mom does no wrong

1niccolo's picture

Submitted by 1niccolo on Sun, 06/02/2013 - 9:36pm

I have been with dad for six years and married for one. when we first got together bio mom had a bf and would ask us to take daughter all the time. When bio mom got dumped shit got stirred up! She started acting like a B and would make false accusations towards me, talk shit about me to dad (my husband), she still does that. She called him once crying about feeling replaced and daughter even told dad that bio mom was jealous. HOWEVER, daughter stopped coming and bio mom wouldnt let dad talk to daughter unless he talked to her which always ended up in a fight whcih led to him not being able to talk to her anyway or dad wouldnt be able to see daughter unless he gave her money or talked to her or basically did whatever she wanted him to. WELL I got sick of this really fast and put my foot down. We took her to court but he basically gave up all rights but to pay more child support. The papers say that if bio mom or daughter dont want to come or want daughter to come see dad and sm, etc. then daughter doesnt want to. Needless to say she stopped coming unless for xmas or birthdays. She calls him only when they want money or there is a father daughter dance. Bio mom blames me for everything. I have asked daughter as to why she doesnt want to come and spend time with her family and bio mom says thats inappropriate. I dont think that it is she is 15 not 5 daughter is old enough to talk about issues. Especially when bio mom has done nothing but put dad and me down to daughter all the time; name calling, etc. I have tried multiple times to try to have a relationship with daughter but gets blocked by bio mom. Bio mom told me that she wanted me out of their lives, kind of difficult since im married to dad and all. I told her that I want them out of mine so lets just come to terms. daughter obviously wants to not have a relationship with dad or his family so why not just have him give up his rights all together? Bio mom is NOT going to let daughter have a relationship with dad and family so ....whats next? It bothers me to no end as to how a mother could mold her daughter to hate her dad and his family. Killing them with kindness is painful, cant be done I have tried. At this point im just blocking all communication. Not sure what else to do.

Comments

purpledaisies's picture

Submitted by purpledaisies on Sun, 06/02/2013 - 9:56pm

First you need to let your dh handle bm. You do not talk to her or anything. At this point since SD is 15 there isn't much you or dh can do. The only thing I suggest is for dh to tell SD that if she isn't going to be part of the family then she gets no privileges as such. Like no bday presants or Xmas presants no money or anything. Tell dh to let SD know it is her choice and if her choice is to not come see dad then she gets nothing. Get where I'm going with this?

Aeron's picture

Submitted by Aeron on Sun, 06/02/2013 - 10:16pm

^^^This^^^.

You're telling pretty much the same story as I have with my SD except she's a couple years older and I've been married to DH for a little longer. For Xmas and bays, she gets a card,that's it. No present, no cash, no gift card. She has chosen to not be a part of this family, we are not rewarding being ignored and mistreated with monetary compensation.

And yea, stay away from bio mom - it won't do you any good to try to reason with crazy. Ad stop trying so hard with SD, you're just going to get frustrated and resentful with little to show for your effort. Focus on letting go, focus on your marriage. It sucks, but this is often how divorce plays out when one parent hates their ex more than they love their kid.

1niccolo's picture

Submitted by 1niccolo on Wed, 06/05/2013 - 8:17pm

Yes. I agree with you we have not given any gifts. But you are all right I am feeling resentment towards my husband for knowing the situation and involving me. I love him and our relationship is far more than sd it's tough because she has molded sd to hate me and I am often the scapegoat to anything and everything! Plus she has turned his family against me so now we no longer see them he can go by himself but he doesn't go as often as we used to. I should just focus on our lives here and now and build it strong. It's just hard I mean HARD!!