DH Just Filed a Police Report Against BM
We have a restraining order against her that includes no electronic messages. The only exception is that there may be "peaceful contact regarding court-ordered visitation". This order was granted in July or August of this year.
BM basically ignores it and texts DH when she wants. We sent her a letter in March reminding her of the order and letting her know we'd press charges should she continue to break the order and that we would no longer let it slide. At that time she backed of, but SURPRISE: little by little, she has upped her texting.
Tonight, after we picked him up from her MD visit, it was:
"I just checked my email and SS13 has a report due tomorrow."
Well, god damned BM, he has this same report due every Monday, but I'm glad you finally decided to get on the bus. BUT... you broke the order. Which I pleasantly reminded her via text message and alerted her that if she continued her texts we'd press charges.
That set her off and she sent two more:
- go ahead and tell the court and I'll tell them how you broke your own order and dropped SS13 off at my house.
- I'm allowed to talk to you about SS13
I advised DH that that was enough and he needed to press charges because he said he was going to. He didn't want to cause trouble. (He's embarassed to call the police, have them over, make a scene in front of his son). So I went online and the local police dept just so happens to have an electronic "file a police report" system on their website.
I told him we could just file it online. And that it was our responsibility to do this. WE paid a lot of money, spent a lot of time and we have actual court orders that state she is not to contact us. He said I was absolutely right.
So I sent off the report, attached a copy of the restraining order, a copy of today's texts along with some of her choice ones from the last few months and a copy of the letter we sent in March.
- step off already's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I am sure (but just feel the
I am sure (but just feel the need to ask LOL I don't know why) that you included in the report that her text about the report due was unnecessary as the same report is due every Monday?
Good for DH for actually following through though.
We sure did. We included
We sure did. We included iphone photos of the texts with captions above regarding what was going on / what she was doing.
I figured as much LOL - but
I figured as much LOL - but on it's own it *could* seem a rational reason for her to contact him - so glad you are able to put it in context.
Good luck with it. I wish we could DEAL with BM some way, but OH is toooo scared she will stop him seeing his kids so we just take her crap year after year. I HATE IT
Did you indeed brake the
Did you indeed brake the order as well? I mean, I understand these BMs are crazy, but you can't break the order and then complain about HER breaking the order.
There is no order against DH.
There is no order against DH. And from my discussing with lawyers, he can contact her or go by her. There is not a way for him to break the order as it is NOT against him. It is against her. As she is the violent, crazy, harassing one who has popped his tires and put sugar in his gas tank and assaulted him. And she sends masses of crazy text messages.
If it weren't for the fact
If it weren't for the fact that you posted that BM has been a drunk liability--hence the restraining order--then I'd say that she had a reasonable request to contact you. But because I've had the same problem with pill popping bipolar BM simply asking to take skid out for pizza--seemed innocent enough--but then comes banging on my door at midnight making threats (some pizza!), I feel for you.
YES, we had our BM arrested because she violated the Restraining order. She sent pictures of her "dying" self to skid to guilt him. Arrest! And I have no regrets. Good for you.
sounds like she was testing
sounds like she was testing her limits by messaging about the report. it was ordered that there be no contact for a reason. Good call to file a police report!
Yes. That's exactly what
Yes. That's exactly what she's doing. We wrote the letter back in March and it shut her up for a while. Then came the "accidental" texts to a new love interest, sprinkled with a random thought here and there. Then there were the several text messages, "Can you have SS call me tonight?". DH usually just ignores her. But the more you ignore her, the more she starts with the texts again. It's annoying and she thinks she can do whatever she wants and just ignore the order.
I hope that this puts an end to it. He does not want her contacting him. At all. He despises her.
It's so pleasant when she doesn't contact us.
but your DH needs to be
but your DH needs to be careful to also strictly follow the order (if in fact he hasn't been following it, or has given her extra time, etc)
DH follows the court order as
DH follows the court order as stated.
He has offered her extra time (per his son's request) with the understanding that she must pick him up and drop him back off, but she has never taken advantage of it because she wants SS delivered to her and DH will not go out of his way for her. Most recently, after the blow up in Feb (noted below), SS left BMs saying that he just wished he had more time with his mom. (Too bad she doesn't actually WANT more time or she would have asked for it during the hearing one week prior, but she'll sit there and play the martyr in front of SS).
Other than that, she will try to accuse him of being in contempt of court for breaking the order if SS13 does not pick up her call and/or call her at 7pm on the dot. However, the court order reads that the call can be between 7-8 pm. It does not say the call is "from" 7-8 pm.
DH follows the entire court
DH follows the entire court order. It's pretty simple on his end. He needs to have his son available for a call on Monday and Wednesday between 7-8 pm. If he is not with us, he will ask him to call her from wherever he is. All exchanges take place at a public transportation station at the mid-way point and usually no one gets out of the car (though she has previously to yell about something). My husband is generally a no-conflict kind of guy and elects to ignore her.
There is nothing that states that he can not contact her or come near her. My understanding of restraining orders specifically, is that only the person that the order is AGAINST is capable of violating the order.
Back in February, there was an incident where DH drove SS13 all the way to her home, as SS13 was saying that he wished he lived with his mom. This was immediately following the weekend exchange that occured after she found out we were expecting after seeing my belly in court. So she spent the weekend telling SS how his dad would not have any more time for him once the "new baby" replaced him. So SS13 returned home with attitude, and DH decided to call BM's bluff and SS's as well. (SS takes all his anger out on DH when DH is the one that takes care of him - even during the 7 years BM was absent).
Anywho, on that evening, DH drove SS and his belongings to BM's house and told SS he could stay there from now on if that's what he wanted. BM came outside of the home, they argued a bit, BM said, "fine, let him stay and I'll go to the courthouse tomorrow and file for child support". DH said, "fine, that'll cost me a lot less than it does to raise him". Then BM eventually told SS to get his things and go home with his father. End of story.
The next day, BM told DH that he was lucky she didn't call the police on DH for breaking his own order.
Again, my understanding is that he is not under any order. If he comes near her, that is his perrogative (and eventually will weaken his case of getting it extended for another 3 years and/or forever), but that he is not doing anything criminal by bringing his son to her home and or communicating with her.
She's always threatening to call the cops, file contempt, etc. But she's an idiot on a rampage, so it usually means nothing at all.