Questions??? Please give me a little advice
Ok so I posted the other day about BM wanting to change visiting schedules. A little re-cap... it has been almost 7 years since BM and DH split (never married) and SD will be 8 in June. Never had a CO only verbal agreement for 50/50 no CS, everything split 50/50. We get SD every other Thursday and every Friday through Monday morning. Bm has her Monday morning through Wednesday and our Thursdays off. This has never been a problem until this last year or so. DH works nights so the schedule is great for us. BM doesn't work at all so it should be fine with her too. She is now saying that it isn't fair for DH to have her every weekend and she wants every other weekend and now she wants us to pay the cost of everything 100% for SD and give her CS on top of it. She hasn't filed anything with the court yet, but she constantly uses it against my DH that she can keep SD all she wants, that he has no rights, that he owes her, blah blah blah.
My question is, if DH were to file for the current agreement with the court, what are the chances if BM fights it that he will have time taken away from him? Is it a likely senario that he will have time taken away and have to pay child support clear back for the last 7 years? This is what he thinks.
BM has moved several times in the last few years. She has had SD in two different school districts and she is close to failing 2nd grade. She has divorced an abusive man and moved in with her mother and is now moving back in with him. There are police reports from within the last year to prove this, but no charges filed.
DH has lived in the same home since they split. Has held a steady job the whole time and ahsn't really changed anything other then marrying me and having our kids. We have a steady schedule for the kids that includes a decent bedtime, rules, etc.
The councelor for SD has even told BM that her moving all the time and not having SD on a steady schedule for bedtime, homework, etc has caused a lot of the stress in SD life.
Would he be screwing himself by filing for what they are currently doing? If BM files first, what kind of an outcome are we to exspect? He can't switch his weekend days for week days because he works nights and when SD is in school he wouldn't see her at all.
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Good question for an attorney
Good question for an attorney in your state. Most do free consultations. That's the first thing I'd have DH do is consult with an attorney familiar with child custody and support laws.
He could then figure out the best way to proceed without screwing himself over.
Good luck! Wish I could help!
Thats what I thought too. I
Thats what I thought too. I just wondered if I could get a feel for something on here. There are so many different situations that it is nice to hear all of the angles.
I hope one of the attorneys
I hope one of the attorneys here can give you some insight. With states all having different laws though, who knows.
Good luck honey! Sounds like a mess indeed.
AGREED! They are BOTH stupid
AGREED! They are BOTH stupid for not having this dealt with from the get-go.
In the state I live in if a
In the state I live in if a women waits to file child support the father does't have to pay back child support. I don't know if this is the same in every state or not. I would also start collecting all information that you have proving that you have had her when you have. Also get a letter from the councilor and even her teacher if they can tell a difference from when she is with you and from when she is with her mom. I would even try and go back to her k and 1st grade teachers. Did her mothers ex ever hit your sd? if so I would go get copy of the reports.
He has never hit SD as far as
He has never hit SD as far as we all know. BM is always the one to start the fights with him too. She usually hits him first, and no that is no excuse to hit a women, but she is just as much to blame about putting SD in a situation to see that crap.
Two different items to keep
Two different items to keep in mind. Most (but not all) judges would split the weekends up between the parents. As they see it, it's unfair to the parent not getting weekend time because that parent will have no downtime with the child. No time to go on short day trips and that sort of thing, especially if the child is of school age. On the good side though, if your husband has had 50/50 time with his daughter for any length of time, 6 months to a year at least, then he has established a status quo situation where the judge will agree that a pattern has been established and they will not want to mess with that if at all possible. Your days may be different then they are now, but the amount of time could be the same.
Has the mother used any state support? If she has then any child support that is assigned to your DH will go to the state to pay that off first. If she is not working it may very well be that he will have to pay some CS, but it will be a lot less then if he was only getting EOW. Each state is different when it comes to that situation. In my state the only back CS that would be allowed would be what was due from the time the first court papers was filed.
It may be beneficial to have a GAL assigned to your case to help prove the stability of your home versus the mothers along with the relationship the child has with her father and yourself. This is another expense though and at times can run anywhere from 500.00 into the thousands so check into that before you agree. Most times this is split between the parents but the parent requesting that service has been known to be billed for the entire cost.
If you get a lawyer, which is highly recommended) he will be able to supena the police records to show instances of abuse. However, if nothing ever became of it then it will be downplayed. Your best course is to show how well the child does at your home. Keep in touch with teachers. He should make his face known at everything she does, school, church, and any activities. Find out if the counselor would be willing to testify for you. Some do not. If at all possible see if you can get another one to work with her that would. I realize that will be almost impossible if he has no legal custody.
I agree with another poster who said to file first. She is holding this over his head to try to keep him in line. Take the power away from her and file yourselves. Free consultations with attorneys in your area can give you a feel for what the judges in the courts in your area are likely to decide.
Thank you for the feedback.
Thank you for the feedback. This is how I see it being played out. I didn't think they would take time from him because it has been this way for 7 years, but if they give her EOW then it IS taking time from him because of his work schedule. He automatically thinks worse case senario with BM.