So sick of DH's "my way or the highway attitude"
Do any of you have this problem with your DH? It goes for EVERYTHING, but I'll use tonight as an example. When we first moved in together (almost 2 years ago), SD was HORRIBLE at bedtime- she didn't even have a bedtime at first, until I forced it, & even then DH wouldn't put her to bed before 9pm but I just sucked it up because it was better than no bedtime at all. Well recently, I have been getting on him saying 9pm is too late (she's 4 years old), and it should be 8pm (I don't have any kids of my own, but I have done enough research on it and all my friends have kids and this seems to be the appropriate time, not to mention that I just don't feel like dealing with her until 9pm). So I said 8, he said 8:30, I never agreed to 8:30 but he just said that would be the new bedtime, as if he were the one compromising. Well tonight was the first real night he was supposed to have her in bed by 8:30. So he takes her out to ride her bike, and just now walked in the house (it's 8:42pm). Now obviously she is not going straight up to bed, she has to get cleaned up and have her snack and be coddled by daddy for a little while first. I said something to DH about it and he said he is not arguing with me over something so stupid. I said it's not stupid; it's bedtime. His response? "It's bedtime when I say it's bedtime."
That's just tonight's example. It's CONSTANTLY. He shows me absolutely no respect in my own home. My thought is, he's lucky I let her over at all (we have her every other week for the fulllllllll week that never seems to end)! He can at least respect that I want the kid to bed at a decent time! We just got married 3 months ago (but have been together 3 years) so it is incredibly important that we have adult time to work on our relationship. I know you all know this, just stating my thoughts.
P.S. I say he's lucky I let
P.S. I say he's lucky I let her over at all because it is my house and I am the one who pays the majority of the bills. Just so no one gets the wrong idea!
You are NOT wrong for
You are NOT wrong for expecting a 4 year old to be in bed at a decent hour and I think 8:00 is reasonable for that age.
My ss moved in with us when he was 14 and had no bedtime. Now I understand that, being a teenager, bedtime would be later - but this kid never went to bed until we did, would not go to his room and give us a minute to ourselves, nothing. He sat SNUGGLED UP - NOT kidding - with dh on the sofa, practically in his lap.
One time there was going to be a movie on that both dh and I wanted to see. I asked him, why don't we put all the kids to bed and watch the movie and spend some time alone. So...dh got the baby and the toddler all ready for bed and helped me tuck them in. I thought "wow, he does care..."
Then him and his son sat SNUGGLED UP on the sofa and watched the movie together. At age 38 the beast is still coddled by his daddy and I have removed myself from the picture completely.
Good luck to you. Take good care - of YOU.
Oh wow! Why not tell him that
Oh wow! Why not tell him that it is a shame she isn't in bed yet because you had 'plans' for him and now it is just too late YAWN! Anytime you want his attention just say "It's a shame......" It worked for me. DH was allowing his school aged sons to be up at 10pm and then expecting marital joys. Ummm no. Not when I have to work the next day. Either they are in bed ontime or I am too tired.
LOL I bet that does work
LOL I bet that does work REALLY well!
Yes, this is a constant point
Yes, this is a constant point of contention w/ DH and me. In fact, just within the past few weeks he and I were talking on the phone and my DD10 asked for a piece of b-day cake. I told her no; DH says (from across the world), "Let her have some. Tell her Daddy said she can have a piece of cake." I waited until DD10 left the room, then I have to tell him, um, no; the medicine she's on is causing her to gain a weight. Plus, it's causing constipation. Her dr. has already said any sweets need to be almost eliminated from her diet until her body has time to adjust. Until then, it's lots and lots of fruits and veggies - which floats my boat just fine. So then he tells me, "Yeah, ok. [pause] Don't get too comfortable bein' in charge; Daddy's gonna be home soon!" *eye roll*
Read then do:
Read then do: http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html
My Sd was in bed by 7 at that
My Sd was in bed by 7 at that age, how can it be his way or the high way when its your house and you pay the bills, I would be saying shape up or eff off.
Ew I'm trying to imagine my
Ew I'm trying to imagine my DH saying to me "It's (fill in the blank)time when I say it's (fill in the blank) time. WOW. Ummm hello, who died and left you a monarch?
When one person thinks they dominate the other and there's not joint decision making, all kinds of problems will pop up stemming from that dysfunctional base. Counseling maybe?