weekends are so hard for me.........
I don't even know where to start. I am a single mother of 2 boys ages 13 and 19. My boyfriend has been living with me for 3 years now. He has an 11 yr old son. At first the kids got along okay. then september of last year my 13 yo and his 11 yo had a little trouble getting along. So boyfriend says that his son didnt want to come to our house anymore and started staying at boyfriends mothers house. He said that he needs time to spend with his son and get him to try to come over here. He leaves work on Friday and picks him up and we don't see him again until Monday after work, of course when his kid has gone home. we dont see them not one time when he is here. I feel like he abandons me and my kids because his kid tells him to. I talked to him about us at least trying to go to the movies or out to eat or something on the weekends but the answer is always that his son dont want to. I am at my wits end with this. It makes me depressed over the situation that i can do nothing about and I feel like me being depressed also causes problems with how i relate to my kids. I am just so very unhappy and I don't know what to do. He refuses to change anything and even said that I was trying to make him choose between me and his kid when actually it is the other way around. His kid is being allowed to call all of the shots. I don't know how this will ever work.
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I think what your BF is doing
I think what your BF is doing is very disrespectful to you.
He's living with you when it is convenient but leaves on the weekends. Are you sure there is not another woman in his life? A weekend girlfriend?
Even if there is no other woman you are being treated as a booty call when it suits him.
I think what your BF is doing
I think what your BF is doing is very disrespectful to you.
He's living with you when it is convenient but leaves on the weekends. Are you sure there is not another woman in his life? A weekend girlfriend?
Even if there is no other woman you are being treated as a booty call when it suits him.
I think you know what you need to do. He is not going to change so it will be up to you to move on and find someone who deserves you.
Well, in some ways I would
Well, in some ways I would say this is a blessing. You don't have to put up with his whiny son.
I note that you said it feels like he is abandoning you and your kids. He is not their father and is not even their stepfather. He has no obligation to even support them only the moral obligation because the only common denominator is you. He is only in their lives because of you. Unless you are seeing him as a male role model for them. If this is the case did you both agree to this or did you just assume your bf would pick up the task?
Is he abandoning you? I think so. He has a little break every 2 weeks or so to spend time with his son who has no intention of moving forward and becoming part of your world. I think the expectation that you will all get along as one big blended family is an illusion. It very seldom happens this way. Right now Mr11 has what he always wanted. His dad completely to himself and not sharing him with anyone else. This is what he had before you came along and this is what he has now. But there is no excuse why you can't all get along and respect each other for 3 nights.
I would sit down with BF (but not Monday or Tuesday night) and tell him that allowing his son to dictate how his father can spend his time is giving his son all the power and more than an 11 yr old needs. His son refuses to have anything to do with you or your boys. Not that you want to be his mother nor the boys his big brother. But this situation is not getting better. Would he like it if one of your boys decided BF cannot stay on the weekend and he would have to leave and let your son have you all to himself.
I would ask him to consider the situation for 6 weeks then he has to make up his mind. Either he moves in permanently with his mother or he has a timeline for his son to start staying in the place where his father has chosen to live. Frankly I would not put up with being someones dirty little secret.
Is this every weekend???
Is this every weekend??? That's really strange, maybe time to have a serious talk with him about what he wants. Does he want to be a family, or does he want a roommate? The way he's acting is not the way you act when you want to be a family....
I'm sorry you're going through this, it sounds awful.