I think it most cases it is ok. Being that we are on this site we see most of the cases where it is definitely horribly bad. In my situation my ex never ever missed a payment in 13 years. I never took him to court to get CS reviews I never asked him for penny over and above CS. If he was in arrears and not making any attempt to pay it I would let the state deal with it. I always worked and didn't rely on CS to make it.

I honestly think it is a popular misconception to generically say, "If I can't afford kids I am not having them." Now I am not saying that there aren't people who shouldn't be having kids....I know plenty.

Right this minute. Today. I can't afford my children. We survive on child support and alimony. Mind you, that isn't all we survive on, but if I didn't get CS and A from my XH we would be on government services. I'm not proud of that, but it's true. HOWEVER, we (my X and I) could afford our children before. We stopped at two because we were being responsible.

It is not their fault we divorced. It is not my fault we divorced. It IS my fault that I wouldn't tolerate the abuse anymore. CS is due to my children. Alimony is due to me (before anyone gets their knickers in a twist it is rehabilitative and is short term) because of our lifestyle (17 PCS -military moves in 17 years).

Having said that, I agree with you about not having my XH arrested. I think that serves no purpose. Fortunately, my XH is reasonable when it comes to money. He feels the duty to see to his children. He even sees the duty to see me gainfully employable again. Some of these fathers out there though.... they deserve the smack up side the head that they get for not paying CS. That other blog post from yesterday....that poor dad was trying to do the right thing and got smacked because his caseworker is a (bad-word). That isn't fair either.

I guess it all comes down to: Life isn't fair.

Katie

I think this is far too general a question. There is no good blanket answer. There can be all kinds of reasons for non-payment, from a straight up deadbeat parent that works for cash and refuses to pay to a person that's been laid off and is having trouble finding work.

Job loss happens in life. People don't expect it an I don't know many people who plan their life around the idea that someday they may be out of work for 6 months to a year. What a family can afford today is not necessarily indicative of what they will be able to afford in a year. Just like most people don't plan for divorce - should we condemn the CP who can't afford the kids without CS because They can't afford to support their kids?

Getting a CS reduction can take months, if its granted at all. Some states consider 'earning potential' - if you were paid 75K a year, got laid off and now are only able to find work paying 60K, some places will say too bad, your CS stays the same. It's not that black and white and its not as easy as just taking a little trip to the court house.

Both parents should be financially responsible for their children. However, if there's a job loss, whether its an intact family or not, whether there are subsequent children or not, it should be expected that even the honored and revered first family will have to take a little share of the pain. It shouldn't be all the NCP. The current system is flawed. Particularly in the areas where that NCP is held to pay CS but the CP is able to not work. It's also interesting that a NCP can be jailed for nonpayment but there are no checks on what the CS is used for. I'm sure there are cases where CS may mean the difference between eating and not eating, but what of the cases where the CS isn't spent on the child? Where are the courts then?

There's also the question of whether or not the NCP wanted the child - I read a story recently where a woman got her Ex's sperm from a sperm bank and he's now being held to pay CS. He didn't agree to have to child. But because she chose to have it, he should be threatened with jail if he doesn't pay her for her vindictive act?

There are too many factors that could come into play for this to be a good general question.

I know there are a lot of reasons that NCPs don't pay CS. We hear it from the BMs all the time. "I can't pay because I'm the stay at home mom of a special needs child." Okay, if you and your current spouse decide that you should be a stay at home mom, your current spouse should agree to pay your debts, and one of those debts is your child support. You can't just stop financially supporting your child because you decided to have more children and your circumstances have changed.

I don't care if the NCP has to move to an efficiency apartment, take the bus to work, can't afford to remarry or have another family, can't afford internet access at home, can't afford a smart phone, etc, they NEED to pay their child support. Period. If all those other things are a priority, get them the way I did. WORK HARDER. Cut the money from somewhere else.

I have a smart phone. I have internet access at home. However, I'm not on welfare, and I pay my bills and support my children (and the BMs' children, too, since they all have a litany of excuses why they can't pay their CS). I work hard enough to have these things. Having a family, having subsequent children, having a car note to pay, a mortgage on a house...those things are privelages, and you pay for them AFTER you pay to support your kids.

As far as being jailed, I don't believe in jailing anyone for debt of any kind, because they cannot pay their debt if they are jailed. I DO believe in consequences, and if I had my way, the consequences should be harsh. If the consequences were harsh, I guarantee more people would FIND a way to pay, just like they FIND money to keep putting food in their own mouths, despite the fact that often, their failure to pay means their kids are going without.

I like the idea of CS but in practice it often screws people. I'd also just use it on my kids and save it up for them in the future. But the thing is, I wouldn't have a child if I couldn't afford it completely on my own. I think it's because I feel that it was my choice to have a child and I must deal with all the possible consequences--not just divorce but if their dad died or something and there's no life insurance or benefits, you know?

I had the final say in whether or not I brought the child into the world so I feel that I take a larger portion of the burden. I also don't have the habit of relying on anyone for any reason, especially someone who may hate me (as in many divorce cases) because I always think "what if" that avenue of help is taken away and likely my dignity would not allow it--I'd have to make do anyway. So I'd probably live like I didn't have CS and just save it for the child in the future.

These are just my opinions though and it may differ from other people's. That said, since by law people are required to pay CS unless the CP waived that right, they should.

While I agree with you about 90%, this issue always gets me.

After talking with my attorney/CSE, if my ex's arrears impacted his subsequent kids, he chose to have those kids, so it is so on him to figure that out. I wouldn't have him arrested in front of his kids. But it is not on me to figure out how to solve HIS subsequent kids' problems.

SO, does that mean that you will NOT have any additional kids and if you do, then you will NEVER ask your ex for more in CS? Because really, this happens every single day. The BM remarries, has additional kids and then doesn't have enough money and wants even more CS from the ex. The fact is that you do NOT spend the CS ONLY on the one child that receives it, do you?

I think it's fair in our state how they calculate it, I do think it should adjust with NCP pay, if NCP is out of work than he's out of work and they shouldn't have to jump through hoops trying to modify it while being persecuted. The idea that you have to file to modify in the county that the kids live in pisses me off because it may not be the NCP fault the CP moves the kids all over hell and back. I think subsequent kids should totally factor in, until they make laws capping how many kids you can have atleast, why should a NCP who doesn't have regular access to their kids does not have a say in how they are raised and in a lot of cases their relationship with their kids have been completely sabatoged be penalized by not having a chance at having a regular family with kids and all?

i've never been pissy about fdh paying cs back when he did. bd18's POS dna donor has never paid on her, except when mommy bailed him out of jail for support, and the bail went straight to me. he is over 18k in the hole. i know bd will never see a cent of it. he is a loser. never works. just bums off anyone he can. he honestly believes that since i have always provided for bd and she isn't going without, he should not have to pay jack shit. tried to "reason" with me to sign off cs for him, and when that didn't work, he got shitty and i had to call the police to get his ass off my couch and out the door like i told him to.

i think he should be sitting in jail, be forced to get a job, have an officer take him to work and pick him up, and be watched very closely by a supervisor so he can't take off, and his entire check should go straight to bd. i'm sure that sounds harsh, but after 18 years of neglect, i have no sympathy or pity for him at all. he's a loser and deserves to suffer for running away from his responsibilities. i would not be with a man who wouldn't live up to their responsibility to their kid.

Uberskank was the NCP for two years when DH and I were first married. DH waited two months for his first CS check to arrive. When it didn't, he called Uberskank and asked when was she going to pay him. Her response was put it through the state!

So he did. It took the state nearly a year to start deducting payments and sending them to him. In that time she built up nearly a year of unpaid CS. The state kept sending DH paperwork asking him to confirm the amount of monthly support and the amount of arrearages. Which kept changing because they were stalling on the deductions every month.

Finally he started receiving payments, but they were sporadic in timing and amounts. All this time DH and I are fully supporting his kid with no help from Uberskank.

Ironically, when his kid moved back with Uberskank, it took the state approximately 2.5 seconds to start deducting CS payments from his check. Which led me to believe the state was biased against the man (who always paid his CS on time) and not the woman (shitbag of a human who quit her job a year into being NCP to get out of paying it).

It took Uberskank nearly three years to pay DH for the arrears she owed to him. This included her unemployment being garnished, as well as the state seizing tax refunds.

Beaccountable I so wish there was a like button here. I agree with you. When my ex left me for another woman he was supposed to pay cs but didn't and he also never seen our kids again. I didn't go after him for more then he was supposed to pay . I left him alone let the state worry about it. I also let him choose to be a part of the kids life if he wanted but he never did. I moved on and took care if them myself.
I do beloved though that his choices will catch up to him but that is on him not me.

As far as cs goes its great in theory but un reality it is very flawed and bias. I also don't think it is so black and white as they have it set up. It needs an overhaul. Thus is coming from a mom that raised my kids all by my self with no cs. I see both sides and have from a very going age.

My dad was a deadbeat and my mom did have him arrested. Unfortunately my DH is paying for my dad's mistakes. His ex whackadoddle. Makes 1/3 of what she made before my second stepson was born and we have the kids 50/50 but, they often want to be here. And we have to pay her, provide insurance, buy winter coats, gloves, ski pants, hats, cleats, school clothes, birthday parties, and half of all of the expenses. It is sickinig and why child support while in college? No one ever said anyone was entitled to a college education?

I had no issue with support until college.

I see nothing wrong with a kid taking out loans to go to school. My kid is doing it-

College comes along and support jumped from 10k a year to 15k. Now mind you my husband pays union dues and commuted an hour one way- those costs weren't deducted from his available earnings. Those are costs that of they remained together they as a nuclear family would have to bear.

BM ranted about medical bills complaining she didn't have money to get SS his fillings for cavities.she was going to s dentist outside of DH plan. How is that DH problem...

CS I have no problem with.... But if she makes the decision on her own, its on her financially.