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Are we all secretly crazy

ozmommie's picture

Submitted by ozmommie on Tue, 04/16/2013 - 3:43pm

I'm new here and have been reading a lot of posts....there seems to be a common theme..BM's are all crazies?How can this be? There can't be this many undiagnosed mental disorders out there. Does something happen chemically to a woman's brain when she gets a divorce? Is the problem actually our SO/DH and the woman they choose to have children with? Does this mean I have the potential to become a special kind of psycho too? I enquired about this today with my DH he assures me that it's not just BM's that are crazy....it's ALL women...lmao. just a thought I had

Comments

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Tue, 04/16/2013 - 3:48pm

I understand where you are coming from. I am fairly certain all people are a certain degree of "crazy". However, this is a site designed to attract people that are actually actively dealing with these crazy people, therefore a condensed population of people dealing with CRAZY. Wink We, on this site, do not represent ALL step situations.

catgirl's picture

Submitted by catgirl on Tue, 04/16/2013 - 3:48pm

Lol I think your DH is right, all women are crazy. Just like men never grow up!

Seriously though, you're obviously getting a very biased picture here. My favourite saying is "The truth is relative" because we all experience the truth in different ways. Even if you put two people in exactly the same situation, they are going to come out with different opinions on what happened and why. Just because we think our BM's are psychos doesn't mean they are like that with the other people in their lives. And in all honesty, our BM's probably feel the same way about us! }:)

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Tue, 04/16/2013 - 7:14pm

I would love to catch that on Video. People must think she is a nut job when she walks up and just blirts out something speaking in tongues. That is classic.

luchay's picture

Submitted by luchay on Tue, 04/16/2013 - 7:05pm

It's funny you should say that - about not being "that BM"

I always thought I wasn't "that BM" until a week or so ago.

My ex husband went and joined an online dating site 2 weeks after I asked for a divorce. Within 2 weeks he met "the love of his life" (at this stage we are all still living in the family home - me and 3 dd's upstairs and him and his mother in the granny flat downstairs.

His new gf lived over an hour away, so between them they thought her coming to ours for sleepovers would be a good idea????????????????? (OMFG are you kidding me, with his mum, his wife and 3 kids in the house?????) I didn't want him, but really - that was SO inappropriate. (didn't end up happening BTW)

They (she) bought a house close by and they moved in their together within 3 months. She asked to meet with me for coffee to get to know each other before he introduced her to the kids. They were pushing for her to meet the kids from VERY early in their r'ship (remember this was only a matter of weeks after we separated, I tried to get them to slow down on the kid aspect because they (kids) needed time to adjust. Didn't happen, so I did meet with her for coffee. She was very nice, friendly and relatively normal (LOL) I just asked that they tread extremely carefully with the kids as it was really too soon etc. She seemed respectful of that.

So he continued to see the kids one day a week without her until about the 5 months mark, when he introduced them and then they started doing sleepovers at their house.

I've had her in my house for their birthdays, Christmas, sent her Happy Birthday wishes, been friendly (but not overly - not trying to be best buds or anything)

Kids and I moved interstate at the beginning of last year, he and GF came over at the end of the year for the dance concert. I picked them up at the station, drove them around - showed them the kids school, took them to our house, they came to dance class on the Sat afternoon, then I took them all (kids as well) to the station so they could spend the night with them. Picked all up from the station next morning, got kids ready for concert, drove everyone there, leant ex and GF my car so they could go get lunch (I never got any) while I stayed at concert hall for practice/prep with kids.

Took them to station after concert (basically saying - I went out of my way to be helpful and friendly)

Sometimes ex and I have an issue about something and we may have a text argument - like in Feb when he told me he had quit his job and couldn't pay CS anymore. But he still wants all his rights regarding the kids being flown over to him on holidays etc. I was slightly pissed!

He turned around and said to me last week that although he doesn't say a lot about me to give that impression his gf and her friends think I am crazy and a bitch because of what I put them through??????????????????????????????????????????????

What the FUCK was my basic response LOL

After reading some of the crappy behaviours on here they don't know what crazy is!!!!
(also, found out when the kids got home from their visit on Sunday that he has proposed to gf and she has a lovely big new ring, and they are getting married in Italy next year..... And I am not receiving any child support.... And have I SAID anything to this arse? NO. Because I am not "that BM' but fuck it right now I want to be!)

luchay's picture

Submitted by luchay on Tue, 04/16/2013 - 9:32pm

It all works differently here in Australia I'm afraid. As he is not working he isn't required to pay. And the amt is calculated on his current income, so if that changes from year to year CS goes up or down with it. They also tell the custodial parent to NOT INCLUDE CS INTO THEIR BUDGET....

We only talk (text) re children related stuff.

My wonderful OH (who works 12-14 hour days as it is) said he would get another job, weekends delivering pizza so the girls don't miss out on anything. Bless his heart. I told him I would leave before I let him do that. So I am frantically trying to increase my client base and earn more so that none of the kids go without anything. I have had 1 $15 haircut in two years, I don't go to the salon, get my nails done, wear fancy clothes... It just pisses me off that she is living this life of riley and can get married in Italy while we struggle to pay for the kids. (she does do the salon thing etc) So, my crazy BM is close to the surface right now. If she already thinks it regardless I am kinda thinking WTH I may as well rain crazy down on them anyways.... (kidding... a little)

tryingmom's picture

Submitted by tryingmom on Tue, 04/16/2013 - 3:51pm

LOLOL....I like to say that we all have a bit of crazy in us. I know that when I got divorced from my ExH I did not turn into a crazy BM, I actually was quite relieved to be rid of him, didn't want to deal with him, etc.

Mature people when divorced will grieve the loss, move on and live their lives. Immature people seem to think that they can control their Ex in some way, the crazy BM's and BD's that we read about here on StepTalk use whatever means possible to control and manipulate instead of moving on.

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Tue, 04/16/2013 - 3:58pm

I am a BM too and I am definitely not even anywhere close to being as bad as we read about on ST! I don't give two shits about my ex, what or who he does or who he's with (anymore). All I care about is that he HELPS support our son financially as he is not involved in my sons life at all. I do not and will not blow up his phone or go to his house or tell him how to live his life etc. that is stupid HS shit and I am sooo over that! Yeah, I was a little bit crazy after my ex left me while I was 7.5 months pregnant for some skank he worked with at the time but I never was 10% of the crazy that these BMs are! They make me look like a nun! LOL

And my BS is a million times better than the brat that BM farted out...ANY DAY!!! By a long shot!!! Smile }:)

misSTEP's picture

Submitted by misSTEP on Tue, 04/16/2013 - 4:02pm

Of course there are plenty of BMs who are NOT crazy. Luckily for us, we have the deal with the worst of the bunch.

A lot of us ON this board are also BMs. That's how we can see how insanely inappropriate this other woman's actions and words are. We also see how messed up our skids get because of her actions and words. Especially if we have our own well-adjusted child to compare with!

Oh, and the only problem I have is with BM. My skids are respectful although they went through their little spy phase (egged on by BM, of course) and my DH is FAR from a Disney Dad.

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Tue, 04/16/2013 - 4:33pm

As long as we can line to boarder with barbedwire and guard dogs... I am willing to pitch in to make this happen Wink

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Tue, 04/16/2013 - 4:51pm

I think we are on to something here. I live near Hollywood, lets pitch an idea }:)

ozmommie's picture

Submitted by ozmommie on Tue, 04/16/2013 - 10:05pm

lmao ladies.....these comments killed me Smile I would pay good money to have BM exiled to an island....she is batshit

Cocoa's picture

Submitted by Cocoa on Tue, 04/16/2013 - 4:22pm

i think the "crazy" in most of the stories here are about women who don't know how to respect boundaries and don't know how to parent. it's ignorance. unfortunately, this seems to be the norm in society today. we see so much of it here because these two skills become very important in second marriages. the same is true of the men who were in the relationship with those same ex wives, in addition to being emotionally stunted. i believe most men who re-marry simply carry themselves from one relationship to the next without having learned the lessons of a failed marriage. people with healthy marriages usually don't haunt these boards.

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Tue, 04/16/2013 - 5:39pm

Not all bm's are crazy. I dont particularly think mine is-she is a recovering addict so she has had some crazy behaviors at different times over the years, but When she is sober she is simply sort of a subpar parent-nothing actually terrible or abusive-just not stellar.

Now my skid15? He is all kinds of batshit crazy.

But then I guess none of us would be on here if all the players in our life were normal.

tradingplaces's picture

Submitted by tradingplaces on Wed, 04/17/2013 - 9:07am

I also think a lot of the BM's we discuss on this board are control freak/domineering/emasculating wife types to begin with - which contributes to the ending of the marriage in the first place. They don't realize they will lose all control of DH and skids after divorce...but when/if they do...snap...crazy BM.