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I just don't get it

ozmommie's picture

Submitted by ozmommie on Sun, 06/23/2013 - 7:08pm

I can't understand why Dh's family still talks to BM....SD lives with us and spends a majority of her time with us...yet MIL and SIL will go out for dinners with her(and SD)...we have discussed this with DH's family in counselling and they said it would be cut out. I can't comprehend wanting to even look this poor excuse of a mother in the face let alone share a meal with her....should I even care? or should I just keep my relationship with them,(which is rocky at best)superficial?

Comments

furkidsforme's picture

Submitted by furkidsforme on Sun, 06/23/2013 - 8:20pm

I agree. The more concerned you are about BM the more they will see you as the one who won't be around long, and just maybe that will fuel thoughts that BM might be back in the picture one day. If you are confident in yourself and your relationship, why do you care WHO they have lunch with?

Stepbell's picture

Submitted by Stepbell on Mon, 06/24/2013 - 12:49am

I have vented here so many times about the same thing. Just let it go and disengage from them all. Go on with your life and be happy. It is just unneeded stress on yourself. Just not worth it.

tryingtobecalm's picture

Submitted by tryingtobecalm on Mon, 06/24/2013 - 8:04am

It is hard. I was told MILs loyalties will 'always be with BM bcos she gave us a grandchild and you cant'
I cried and second guessed myself for such a long time but now I'm at the stage where I laugh!
Its their problem and their loss. I have my amazing family and wonderful friends. What do I need them for?

ozmommie's picture

Submitted by ozmommie on Mon, 06/24/2013 - 9:51am

you ladies are right....disengaging, and moving on.

msg1986's picture

Submitted by msg1986 on Mon, 06/24/2013 - 11:08am

Girl, I deal with the same thing... One thing I've realized is that you cannot control what other people do. My Mil couldn't stand Bm when Dh and I started dating yet suddenly now she's bff's with her. I don't like it, Dh hates it, but we both know it's not worth even worrying about. We've distanced ourselves from Mil because of this and it has caused tension because she tries to call Dh and tell him how to parent based on what Bm tells her and Dh is constantly shutting his mother down. It's to the point where whenever she calls he braces himself like, "wtf does she want now."

All I can tell you in be respectful when you HAVE to see them but know you can't trust them. Like Echo said only you can choose who you have in your world. Honestly, it's their loss.