Grrr

I talked to my husband about the hotel..
Turns out he already reserved the rooms for them. AND paid for the extra wellness thingy.

Well fuck.

I don't want to see their faces when they hear!

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Let me see if I have this

Let me see if I have this right. He wants his other kids to be there the week you give birth? The same kids that are REALLY mean to you?

And since you don’t want them at your house because they are mean, he is putting them up in a motel so he can spend time with them there? THE FIRST WEEK OF YOUR NEW BABYS LIFE?

Something really, really wrong here.

He says that he's going to be spending time with me and the baby AND SDs, but I know how will it end up.
Like always, SDs won't tolerate anything less than royal treatmant so they'll simply get his attention on them at all times - which is something they mastered, so he's going to forget about me and our baby.
And they don't deserve to be in a hotel like that. It's a great experience, and they don't deserve even half of it.

Wait, if the SD's are

Wait, if the SD's are spending their "week" in a hotel room... who's spending the nights there with them?

Won't that basically leave you all ALONE once you get home from the hospital?

OHHELLNO.

No one, they can be there

No one, they can be there alone.

I believe most hotels have a

I believe most hotels have a policy that you can get your deposit back up to 48-72 hours prior to the reservation date.

You NEED to have a talk with DH and inform him about what you need during this very special time in your life. You are the one giving birth and it is his job to support you. That means protecting you from those that upset you.

You need to let him know what you expect of him when you give birth and after what you anticipate you need from him. The first few weeks are difficult and stressfull enough as is.

Some people view birth as a family event. That's fine. But the mother is the one who decides who is inlcuded, etc.

You need to let him know what the ultimate ramifications will be.

They do.. But he doesn't want

They do.. But he doesn't want it back.

I had the talk, and I informed him about what I expect.

This is his solution based on what I told him.

He first wanted them to be at home with us, then I said NO..
So this is his solution.

BM is willing to switch, so

BM is willing to switch, so she keeps them that week and we have them some other week that was supposed to be hers..

But he isn't!

He isn't planning to sleep there.
They already stayed at a hotel alone like that, though a 19 (now 20) year old cousin was with them at the time because SD18 was 17 then.

Their parents know that no

Their parents know that no parents will be there.
They just are trusting, SDs and those friends are together all the time.

I'm due in the week of Easter break so they won't be in school at the time.

DH doesn't plan on checking them all the time.. But he WILL be doing just that, because they are princesses and they need attention 24/7.

BM actually said herself that if we need to change something about the custody days, she's willing to do it, to make it easy for us.
But DH doesn't want that, so he didn't tell her that they need to stay there.

I hope I can say fuk it all.. But with my husband, that seems like wishful thinking..

WTF? BM offered to switch

WTF? BM offered to switch weeks and DH turned down the offer? Then I think he's sending a strong message that neither you, nor your new baby will ever outshine his little princesses. He's making sure that doesn't happen.

Reason I think this is because my dad, during my mom's second pregnancy, when she went into labor, dad knew from her first delivery that the labor would be very short. So he made my mom wait for him to shower, put on a suit, so that he could go to court right after mom delivered. Mom almost had the baby in the car on the way!

Looking back, this was a control thing, and my dad wasn't about to let either my mom or the new baby outshine him or affect him in any way. He made sure my mom knew her place. And this was in the seventies. I don't think he would get away with that now.

Oh man, I think your DH is totally freaking out about this baby. And it seems to me he's working very hard to let you know that his daughters are way more important to him than you or the new baby. What a jerk.

He's really being clanish (and childish) about the whole thing. He's not even acting like this baby is his.

These types of men can change, but it takes many years.

You have every right to be angry.

When she suggested that, this

When she suggested that, this wasn't an issue. At the beggining of my pregnancy, I'd get weak a lot, dizzy , naseous, etc. so BM said that if I need to rest and DH needs to help me she can take them on our time or switch.. And she said she can also do that once the baby is born, or that if we need them to help us she will give us some of her time to help us fix things around the house. She was really awesome about all of this, I'm very grateful!

We thanked her at the time, but didn't make any plans about this... I didn't know this would be an issue. DH didn't think that I would have a problem with his plan, I guess.

You're right, he's being a jerk!!!

They don't NEED the extra

They don't NEED the extra wellness thing, but the princesses WANT the pool, sauna, turkish bath, spa, and gym so he's paying for it.

They are not likely to be kicked out, they are well adjusted to places and people like that.. They already stayed alone in this type of hotel about a year ago and it was ok. They go to such places often with their family, though.
They don't really cause crap in public or anything, they're well behaved and polite.. They're just bitches to ME.

Yes, she is. Well I don't

Yes, she is.

Well I don't want to let them take the happiness of my first baby away from me

Has your DH even entertained

Has your DH even entertained the idea that you may not be in the hospital for JUST 2 days? I mean, when I had BS3, sure I was healthy as a horse, not even a sniffle during my whole pregnancy, everything was perfect, I expected to have a "normal" birth and be home in 2 days.

Didn't work out that way. My water broke so I was told to go to the hospital, where I laid around for 2 days while nothing happened and then finally 52 hours later, BS was born via C-Section which meant another 4 days in the hospital.

Your DH is a total dumb ass for bringing these girls in from out of town, when there are SOOOOOO many things that could happen. I don't understand why he just couldn't switch weeks like you suggested??? I'd be putting my foot down fast and furious here and telling him to pull his skid clogged head out of his ass

I don't know has he. That

I don't know has he. That wasn't discussed and didn't affect the ''negotiations''.

They aren't out of town.
He doesn't want to switch weeks because he says they are his daughters and will always be,and he wants to give them a normal life..And that includes having them in his custody when he should no matter of other things, just like he would if they were an intact family.

I put my foot down about them being in my home after birth, but I simply can't put my foot down about this since it's not my decision to make, in the end it is HIS, but I just thing it's very wrong.

They live in town. He's

They live in town.
He's putting them in a hotel to make sure they enjoy the days of his custody even if he can't focus on them.
(But he clearly WILL be focusing on them, like always.)

He said he's going to spend time with both sides.. Some with me and the baby, some with SDs.
But how realistic is that?

He isn't really doing anything with this.. If he wanted to spend some time with them, he could easily do so without having them spend a week in a 5 star hotel.
He just uses every chance to give them royal treatmant and prove them he loves them since they often play that card...
YOU DON'T LOVE US AT ALL, YOU JUST DON'T CARE, YOU DON'T EVEN TRY TO UNDERSTAND US DAD! WE'RE GOOD AT SCHOOL WE'RE POLITE WE'RE GETTING EDUCATED WE CAUSE NO PROBLEMS, WHY DO YOU COMPLAIN?!
*SAD PUPPY FACE*

He and my mom have an OK

He and my mom have an OK relationship.
When she'd come before, he'd spend time with her & do things for her. I don't think this is him trying to get away from her.. I think this is him trying to keep SDs on their pedastal.
However, I'm not sure about that opportunity.. I don't think he feels the need to show my mom anything. He does nice stuff for her, but because he wants it. He never does things just to show someone something.. He believes that things you do, you should do for yourself and people you care about, not to prove yourself to anyone. Of course, all of this collapses when it comes to his precious daughters - then he'll prove anything they want him to prove.

I put my foot down about them not being in our home at the time..
Unfortunately, this isn't really my decision so I can't put my foot down about this. Now I can suggest, give ideas, compromise.. but not put my foot down since it's not my call.

It's a girl!
I know it will set the tone, that's why I'm trying to get my husband to at least try to bond a bit...

Thank you!

Thank you! What I hate about

Thank you!

What I hate about my stepsituation is that EVERYTHING is about SDs. Anyone's birthday, any celebration, any get together, any visit.. It's about them.

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