I think if they do this, they are good people trying to do what is in the best interest of the child. No greater sacrifice.

I have a niece who gave her first child up for adoption. Having watched her struggle through the experience, I know that it was anything but a selfish choice. I think that ANY parent who can look at themselves & accept that they can't provide their child with what it needs for healthy development (be it physical or mental) & is selfless enough to put their child's best interest ahead of their own is a saint.

Perhaps not a saint in every way, but certainly moreso than the thousands of parents who keep their children to raise to save themselves from shame & embarrassment or who keep their children for the sake of playing house or to fulfill their own need for emotional attachment.

Certainly, not every parent who gives their child up does so with such selfless attitude. Some are just thankful to be free of the responsibility. Whatever the reason, if it puts a child in a better place for healthy development, I'm all for it.

My best friend & her husband are both adopted. Both are in healthy marriages & have no hard feelings or negative attitude about it. They were both raised in happy homes with loving parents & are thankful for it.

Every child deserves a parent to nuture him or her to adulthood.

So whether a bio parent gives up parental rights for the good of the child or for their own convenience the net result is the same. The child hopefully ends up with a better parent.

I think it depends on when it's done.

If you give the child up for adoption at birth because you know you aren't able to parent him/her fine.

If you give up your child later in life because he/she no longer fits into your current lifestyle, then yup you're a POS mom or dad.

Man or woman, I don't care. Giving up a newborn is different then an older child. Especially if you have a replacement family waiting in the wings. Reprehensible.

I am an adopted person. My BD died in the Vietnam war, at that time BM's would have had a very tough time raising a child by herself. I feel that I got the parents I was supposed to have.

As a BM, I've thought of how difficult a decision it would be. Ultimately, if the decision is for the best for the child its a good thing.

For the forum posting: BD wasn't allowed to be Dad. Financially it was killing his family. BM was getting all the say and all the CS. I will not say anything bad about HIS decision, perhaps he feels that this is the best for his child.

I went to school with and was good friends with a gal who had a baby our Sr. year in high school. She was actually homecoming queen that year, while 5 months pregnant. (There were only maybe 10 of us that even knew she was pregnant.) She was small and towards the end of the pregnancy, just wore big sweatshirts and sweaters and was able to pull it off. She had a boy and gave him up for adoption. She never really talked much about it and we all respected her enough to not ask. I really don't know why she gave the baby up, because it wasn't like she was a druggie or a psycho or something, she had a good middle class family, so it wasn't a money issue either. Maybe her mom forced her?? We are 42 now and still friends.. she is a nurse, is a good person, a great Aunt to her nieces and nephews etc. She has never been married and has never had any children. We are not close enough for me to ask her if this is a choice or if that's just how her life has panned out, but I always wonder if she regrets giving that child up?

I actually had an amnio when I was pregnant with BS3 because I was "older" and concerened about birth defects and had said at the time that if they found something in the amnio that I would probably pursue adoption as I didn't think I'd be able to handle a child with special needs.. but OMG... after carrying him for 9 months, giving birth and then holding him? I NEVER could have gone through with it, even if he was born with 12 heads. It takes a person way stronger than I could ever claim to be to give up a child

I will always believe the decision for a bio-parent to give up their child for adoption is an act of love.

On the flip side of that, I'm sure my parents considered giving me up for adoption several times from ages 14-18.

I think it depends on the motivation behind it as to how I'd perceive the parents. If it was to give the baby a better life then I see them as good people who did the best they could.

If its because they just don't want to be inconvenienced or use adoption as birth control then I see them a bit less favorably. Not all kids end up in loving families....a good deal of them end up in the foster care system.

I pretty much agree with Cheri.

I think it depends on the motivation behind it also.

I know of 3 men that fathered a child, walked away and when the child tried to contact them later on as an adult the man refused to respond.

I guess because I love my children so much and I cannot imagine not having them in my life it is hard for me to imagine turning down a child that would like to have a relationship with you without giving them a chance first.

I have a family friend that did exactly what that other post was talking about. Mom got remarried and the dad signed over his parental rights so step dad could adopt the kids.

These kids were 11 and 13. I can't imagine what they must have and still do feel about it all. The kids got new birth certificates and new last names....I don't know if bio dad still sees them on a regular or not. I don't know all the details, but step dad has a lot of money and they basically bought off biodad. And bio dad by all accounts was a great involved dad.

The mom (my SILs sil) posted today that its the boys 12th birthday of Facebook using his full name.....with new daddy's last name. It just seemed so wrong. That wasn't his name when he was born....or for the first 11 years of his life....you can't just pretend that his dad never existed.

Adoption can be a fantastic thing. My step father adopted me. He has done a wonderful job as my father. Dealing with my bio dad giving me up at ten, not so great. Like other posters on here I think it can be a very selfless thing to do, especially when you know the quality of life will be better for your child by placing them.

Frankly, maybe the dad did think it was best for his kids ... That that is what his kids wanted, to be adopted by stepdad, if stepdad had more means to take care of the kids. I see this as the final goal? or stage of committing PAS on the other parent.

I know of a family where the dad did sign off his rights to the teen stepkids. He was alcoholic but imo was also abused by pas from his ex and his own kids. Like was said above, given no rights or say over his own kids, who hated him. Struggling to survive to support people who cussed him out regularly and publicly.?? So yes, he signed rights over to the remarried ex and new stepdad.

The worst part is that then maybe 2 years later, this former dad died. He was only in his 40s so unexpected. It was really hard for me to understand the grief shown by his former family?? given all that had happened. Of course this was in BMs family, so there you go.

But whenever I hear people condemning a parent, I always wonder what that other parent would say happened. There are 2 sides to every story.