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I'm not a "crew".

Go away's picture

So after my last blog, I've been called a "crew". Which I at first couldn't figure out, but then I read an explanation.
Well, ok. I know that my story is not really normal or usual.. But then again, if it was, I wouldn't be on here.
I get it that it seems unlikely to you - and that is okay. But stating that I am making this up just because it sounds untrue to you... I think it's a bit too much. If you don't believe me, you don't have to try to help me. I'm not demanding that from anyone.
But when you say that I'm fake, it really makes me think. If you don't believe me, it means that what is happening is unlikely, unusual, not normal, well simply horrible.. It means I'm stuck in a situation that not many people are in. And it makes me think about how did I deserve this. (Can't come up with an answer) But even if it wasn't so, I still don't think it's okay to simply call me fake just because that's what you assume. While it's perfectly fine to doubt me and express your doubts, saying that I'm a "crew" as a fact doesn't really seem right to me. I'm not asking you to help me if you don't believe. I'll understand if you can't accept this as the truth, but it is what it is. If you can't - it's alright. But attacking me as a fake just cause it's hard to believe to you?
My situation is unusual, unfortunately. But that doesn't mean that it's not true.
Just because you don't live through this, doesn't mean that nobody does. Sad

And, I wanted to thank everyone who has been supportive and helpful. I really, really appreciate it and it means a lot to me. I'm not getting support from my husband but I'm glad that there are people willing to support and help.
Thank you very much. Wink

Comments

oneoffour's picture

If you are not a troll (someone flaming away online to create mischief) then deal with your problem,. I wonder how smart you really are. You know how these girls are yet you leave your phone in sight with recordings of their combined evilness on it for them to delete. how long did it take them to find the recording? Didn't I say you need to save those recordings away from the house?

Your Dh will not believe you until you have at least 30 mins of proof positive of them being snotty. When they stare you down just look at them and sniff, close your eyes and walk away. DO not engage them in talking. When they get all sweet and nice when their father is around ask them to help out with a million tasks. At least you will get some work out of them while Daddy is home so they HAVE to continue the fake liking you thing. I would feign some illness like an imbalance problem with your ears so they have to lift everything for you when he is home.

Or you tell your DH that you are seriously considering leaving him as he does not have your best interests at heart. See, these girls have their parents over a barrel. Both parents will believe anything that comes out of their mouths because to not do so will create absolute hatred for them. I BET this is why he will not hear a bad word against them. So tell him he is welcome to living with his daughters. You are done with not being believed. And divorcing him is the last thing you want but for your own safety and self esteem this is the only way to go.

Go away's picture

Yes, I leave the phone in sight. I'm not used to having to be on guard all the time in my home.

I can't just be done with not being believed and divorce him, because I can't give our daughter the life she should have and that she deserves. I'd get child support but it wouldn't be enough to give her a really normal life.
And I'm trying to get her father to have a relationship with her. He's ignoring her now, I'm hoping he changes soon.

oneoffour's picture

Look, as your daughter gets older you will remove things you don't want her to get in to, right? Dangerous substances you could previously leave out, keeping her away from the oven/stove. So the same thing applies here. Yes, they should not touch your stuff. But you KNOW they do so why leave things out to make it easy for them? Why make yourself an easy target?

For 'now' you have to put your phone in a place they cannot access as long as you want to get this evidence for your DH. Once he deals with the situation you can leave it lying around.

But I wonder why they haven't taken your phone and texted some awful message to a family member or friend if they can find and delete recordings? That would be something they could do MUCH faster than find a recording and delete it. Unless they knew it was there.

Either they are stupid but smart or the situation needs clarification.

Go away's picture

I didn't think that they knew I recorded.
It just wasn't the first thought to hide my phone in my house.
Now I learned a lesson, I won't do it again.

I walked in on them deleting it.

I think that texting awful messages would be a stupid trick since it can be easily solved and in the end I could prove that it was sent. So I guess that's why they didn't do it, it wouldn't help them at all. + I barely ever text, so it would be suspicious if I decided to lash out on someone by text.
And even if they tried to send something, they couldn't, I don't have any credit.

newbiestepmom25's picture

I have not read your blogs but I try my best not to judge others. I wish you the best in whatever situation you may be going through.

stepmomto3bioto1's picture

Hang in there girl! This is a place where ANYONE can come to vent away. Some are nicer then others. Pick & chose the info you feel is helpful & ignore the others!! There has been some vile ppl who did come here & stir up crap. It wasnt nice & I think alot of ppl felt used. Dont let it affect you tho. Jusf keep being you & hang un there!!! Smile

katielee's picture

Yeah, they accused me of being the same person as you, even though our posts had nothing in common except that we both tend to use "..." when there's a pause in our thought processes. (Boy, that musta taken some detective work, right?)

Sorry some people on here are so suspicious they can't help people who really need help. I have decided to just ignore them because there are others on here who are awesome.

Good luck with your situation. I hope things turn out well for you and you will continue posting.

Go away's picture

I'm sorry that it happened to you, too.

I guess they're cautious because of the original crew.

I will ignore them as well.

Thank you, good luck to you too! Smile

Disneyfan's picture

I will admit I have a hard time believing this is real. I feel this way because you are focusing on your SDs instead of your daughter.

You are putting all this energy into proving your SDs are awful while doing nothing to protect your daughter from a father who treats her like garbage.

What your husband us doing to your baby is 1000 times worse than anything your SDs will ever say to you.

Go away's picture

I'm focusing on SDs here because I registered on Steptalk because of the stepkid issues. I'm trying to find a way to get out of this situation if it doesn't improve,and to make sure my child has a good life even without a father. But I don't focus on that here, because I'm here for help about my step daughters and my husband's attitude towards all of this.

I can't really protect her from him-even if I left right NOW, he'd still get time with her if he wanted that. So I can't really protect her. he's not doing anything, if he was, I'd be out. But he's ignoring her, which hurts me like hell, but this is better for her. There's nothing to protect her from yet.

I know it's worse, I know it's terrible, but he's providing for her.. For everything she needs and more than that. If I leave, I could get child support but she'd have to live a life below average.
I'm trying to save our family because I want my daughter to have a home with two parents and a good stable life, which she couldn't have if I left him now. Maybe in a few years when I can give her a good life, but right now, I'd have a hard time providing for her even with child support.

I know it may not sound like it, but I'm truly thinking of her best interest.
I want her to have an active father, but if I can't help that.. Then I will leave. Can't do it immidiately,but in the future, if he doesn't change his behaviour, I don't have any other options.

Thank you for your comment, though.

Go away's picture

Thank you for your comments and support, newbiestepmom25 and stepmomto3bioto1. It really means a lot to me. Smile

Disneyfan's picture

Did your husband want another child or did you talk him into it? Based on what your SDs said about your husband's relationship with your daughter, I have a feeling he has lead them to believe he never wanted another child.! You can't force someone to be a good parent.

If he's content to just support the baby now, chances are he'll be happy to continue doing just that after a divorce.

There sources available to help you get on your feet - housing,food, child care, education... You have to be willing to ask for the help. If you seek out that help, I'm a few years you will be able to provide for your daughter.

Disneyfan's picture

Did your husband want another child or did you talk him into it? Based on what your SDs said about your husband's relationship with your daughter, I have a feeling he has lead them to believe he never wanted another child.! You can't force someone to be a good parent.

If he's content to just support the baby now, chances are he'll be happy to continue doing just that after a divorce.

There sources available to help you get on your feet - housing,food, child care, education... You have to be willing to ask for the help. If you seek out that help, I'm a few years you will be able to provide for your daughter.

Go away's picture

We didn't plan a child-it just happened. But he said that he wants me to give birth, not abort. He said he wanted the baby. I really did want her, but he claimed that he does too.

I think he leads them to believe that they're the center of the universe. His actions sure show that.

He's giving me a lot of money for the baby, but if we divorced he'd probably just give me the court ordered money which would be a lot less than he's giving me now.

I've been researching options to help me get on my feet, and tbh there aren't many.

misSTEP's picture

Even if you aren't planning on leaving at the moment, I would take some of the money he is generously giving now and put it into an account that you never, and I mean NEVER, tell him about.