When FDH went to BM's to pick up the kids Thursday evening, SD11 was sound asleep. In fact, she'd been asleep all day. Even though BM was there all day, she didn't get her up and make her get dressed, packed, etc... She obviously had been up the entire night before on the computer. Of course, this is exactly against the parenting plan developed to get her back on track and back into school. Dysfunction at its best.
When FDH woke her up, SD11 was crying that she didn't want to go to our house. This is a new thing that's started lately as she "wants her mommy" all the time now because FDH has started actually implementing rules like bed times and refuses to let her hold us hostage anymore (see last blog). I warned him not to get too worried about that as she's just trying to exercise a different form of control over him and wants to be at the house / with the parent that isn't asking her to be a normal human being.

When he was trying to get her into the car to leave, BM told SD11 that she'd pick her up the next day. Why she would say this was beyond me. BM loves her kid-free weekends and nothing is allowed to get in the way of her “me time”.

The next day, SD11 kept mentioning that her mommy was coming to pick her up. I finally made FDH text "mommy" and ask her if this was true. He texted around 6PM. At 9PM she finally responded that she did tell her she'd pick her up and only did so to get her in the car and out of her hair. WTH?? Suddenly at 1030PM on Friday night, SD11 disrupts the movie we were watching with OSD, crying, whining and acting ridiculous. She had BM on the phone (my work phone at that- she has a cell) and was asking FDH if he'd let her leave if BM picked her up. He told her that she was supposed to be here this weekend. Finally, he went off and had a text conversation with BM and basically said "Look, you had no business telling her that. I am done. If you want her, come get her. But this is a really bad idea. She's manipulating you." She then texted saying "I can't get her now, please calm her down". He ignored this because BM caused this problem. Why should he coddle the kid? He then said something I was shocked and happy to hear, "Anne, I can't tell you how liberating this feels not to have BM and SD11 telling me what I will do"

Of course, this problem didn't go away because SD11 was hell-bent on going home. At 11AM the next day, we were informed by SD11 that her mommy was on the way. I was livid that BM thinks she can just show up without asking an adult if it's OK. But I let it go.

BM showed up, took the kid and that was it. While I don't think it was OK for the kid to dictate her own visitation schedule and have BM waltzing in unannounced, it didn't seem like there was much choice other to allow BM to now deal with her self-made issue for the remainder of the weekend. (FDH pretty much told her that's she creating a monster who now thinks she will tell the adults where and when she is going to visit. BM blames FDH for the whole event). Not sure what should be done the next time this happens, which it obviously will... Thoughts?

The rest of the weekend went quite well. FDH took us all to a movie. And I am rather certain he picked that movie because SD11 would've wanted to see it as he knew her sisters would tell her she missed it. But man, was the weekend nice and calm without all her drama. I feel bad for feeling that way but it’s true.

I was really proud of FDH in that he seems he finally is starting to get that SD11 is manipulating everyone. He even said “the other parent (BM) needs to wake up and realize this”.

Of course, it wouldn’t be an Skid weekend without him falling into an old pattern at some point. At 6PM last night, the oldest SD walked in and asked if it was OK if her friend spent the night (they are on spring break). I told her I had no problem with it, to confirm with her dad, but to keep in mind that we have work on Monday so they’d be leaving early in the morning to go back to BMs. Next thing you know, I hear FDH saying “Well girls, when would you like to go home tomorrow?” I nearly lost my mind but kept calm. “Um, sweetheart, when else will they go home besides on your way to work”. He said “Well, I could take them home after”. I said “Uuuuh, that’s a conversation we’d need to have”. He must’ve realized then that he screwed up because he redirected the conversation back to them leaving early AM and the friend did not come over. I was not happy though. 1- How dare he invite the kids to stay home with me all day today without discussing it with me first. He knows I do not want them here on workdays 2- He knows having them Sunday night, especially after having them all day Friday AND the previous weekend was a lot on me. Why does he always have to push? 3- We have plans tonight after work. Are those supposed to be disrupted just so your precious snowflakes can choose when they go home?

Later, I calmly told him I was not happy about that and before I could finish my sentence, he rushed out “SORRY!” and that was the end of the conversation. Frustrating.

But one small step at a time, I guess.

The best part of this is that BM is moving in with her BF and his two teenage kids in a couple weeks. I am seriously popping corn to get ready for this sh&tshow. That poor BF has no idea how bad things are with SD11. He hasn't been around the kids long enough to realize how terrible and out-of-hand it is. I am sure having his weekend hijacked by SD11(Friday with her hour-long tearful phone call and Saturday/Sunday ruined with her there suddenly) just gave him an idea of what's in store.

SD11 is not going to like the new situation once BM's BF gets fed up too. Things are about to get a lot worse before they get better, that's for sure. I need to get FDH and I prepared for lots of crazy turns and a definite united front.