Although I'm a regular reader,I rarely post, but, right now, I really need some advice and support,....I just don't know what to do anymore regarding DH and SD,it's a losing battle,and no matter how much I try to disengage from their drama, no matter how much I try not to give them head space, I fear the situation is fast becoming one that is spiralling out of my control,I feel totally,and utterly lost right now.

I have been with DH for almost 11 years now, I have an adult BD, and a toddler BS.
After years of putting up with adult SS and especially SD coming into the home,ignoring me,making comments,opening my private mail,laughing at me,ignoring BD,and making fun of me,I decided to disengage,...there's much more I could write,but the list would be endless. I spent years asking DH to address his children's attitudes towards me,but he flat out refused,and we would fight,.....this went on for a long time,until finally, DH admitted that his kids had a problem and that he would deal with it-He never did.

I'm sure those of you in the same situation, have experienced the private secret calls, being totally frozen out of the picture(SD has left me uninvited to her place without DH EVERY time over the past several years), and basically, just mean,spiteful behaviour to let me know where I stand, this is inspite of me cooking for SD one Christmas, even though she totally blanked me throughout her visit, and even in spite of her demanding she be allowed to bring strangers to our home to eat just one hour prior to her scheduled visit, she went absolutely nuts at DH when he had to tell her we didn't have enough food or space, and of course, I was obviously the one to blame.

So, more recently, none of SK's have shown an interest in BS, SD never even sent him a birthday card,or Christmas card this year,but she still manages to stay in contact with DH when he is thousands of miles away working! Yet, the situation now,is that SD is demanding to see BS through DH ever since I decided that DH would be better off continuing to visit SD at her place,....she has only visited here twice in the last 2 years anyway,and one of those visits barely lasted an hour.

I decided I no longer wanted SD in our home, when she called DH up, and began to bad mouth me to him AGAIN, she also threw in a complete fib during this call, and it really annoyed me to no end, DH never stopped her, never reminded her that I was his wife and she had better back off,...nothing,...same old. The phone call only stopped when SD heard BS, and she then hastily told DH she would call him back another time.

After this, I told DH I was done,...I mean, really done, and I meant it. So, DH and his son get an invite from SD to go to her place for a meal, and meet her new BF.......It later transpired from DH, that SD initiated discussion about me over the dinner table, in front of everyone, and questioned how I could ban her from my home,....no humility, no remorse,.....nothing,.....I was livid. I told DH he should have stopped the conversation right there and then, that it was inappropriate, and I was upset that everyone, including a guy I didn't even know, was discussing my private business and putting forward their opinions, with DH just looking on........

So, I had one almighty fight with DH on Saturday, we are still not talking. He is demanding that SD be allowed contact with our son, and that i am affecting the relationship he has with her because of my disengagement, he called me a trouble maker, told me to blame him for her attitude towards me, and that if I do not re engage, or let her see BS, he wants dates when this WILL happen,......he has iced me since,and will not back down, he has made every excuse for her behaviour in the book, and I feel like I am being bullied by them both. DH also chose to do all this with BS running a fever and me being up for 2 nights in a row with him,.....if I could sob, I would, but I feel so tired and drained from this all that I don't even have the energy.

I love my husband, we are ok until SD starts her games, this has been happening over 11 years now, they have never stopped, and DH is to blame also, he is part of the problem, he will not even consider what this is doing to our marriage, even when I told him that his daughters demands were more important in keeping peace for BS, who was really sick at the time, fell on deaf ears.

I was put on anti depressants a year ago because of the stress this has caused me, between DH and SD, they made the later stages of my pregnancy utterly miserable because of the drama, and when I had BS, I had a breakdown because I couldn't cope with the nastiness from DH every time SD would badmouth me and I would get pissed.

My health has suffered, I'm only in my thirties, my BP was up last time I had it checked, I suffered from a very treatable form of skin cancer last year,then I had to have biopsies when I found a lump, I do t know how much more I can take.

I have told DH he can try and bully me all he likes, until I see evidence that SD has changed, and he has changed how he deals with her, she is not to come near me, and that includes BS too. If anything, this latest incident has proved that nothing has changed, and is, infact, getting worse.

I could really use some advice,....I don't know what to say or do anymore, I feel as if my spirit has been broken and am so, so tired of this ongoing issue.

....looks like I will venting on here a lot more, I don't see this situation changing anytime soon.