It saddens me sometimes that my is an emotinally stunted shell of a person..
it really is sad. I dont see much of a future for him. Even best case scenario-him having a job, not being in prison, I still dont ever see him being happy.
Because he just doesnt get it. I dont believe he EVER thinks of anyone outside of himself. EVER. I just cant imagine functioning in life like this. He wants his dad to be single. That's it. I dont necessarily think he envisions spending days running through fields of flowers with dear old dad, but he just prefers he be single. So, well, then he should be single. He would like his bm to be single. Again, I dont think he necessarily wants to spend all his time one on one with her, but he just does not want her to be with anyone. So she shoudnt be. He feels so strongly about these things that he has spent the last 10 years or so trying to destroy all the relationships they have. To the point, in which neither parent is even comfortable with the kid in their home. But ss doesnt underestand that at all. Instead, he thinks both my parents are losers who refuse to put me first. He doesnt really want siblings. Unfortunately he has 5 of them. Well, since he cant kill them off (at least not easily) he should at the very least get to be in charge of all of them and be the number one kid. When that doesnt happen, he gets pissed-at all his siblings and his parents.
He has to be the single most uninsightful individual that I've ever encountered. I am therapist, so I talk to a heck of alot of people, but ss really takes the cake for being number 1 in lacking insight. I know that it has been pointed out to him that he has all of these difficult relationships. I know its been pointed out to him that there is a common denominator. That these other people all seem to enjoy other positive relationships, yet he would be hard pressed to identify one single positive relationship in his life. Surely it cant be everyone else's fault all the time? But he really thinks it is. It amazes me.
Its part of why I believe he will never change. He sees no reason to change. He is simply an innocent victim to the the abuse of others at all times. Nothing he would change would make any difference so he is going to keep on keeping on, doing right what he's doing.
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That is so sad. I often
That is so sad. I often wonder if my ss will end up this way but he is only 7. So I hope he out grows it. He doesn't want his parent to be single. It he think I should treat him the way his mom does and she babies him.
I have to admit, I can relate
I have to admit, I can relate to what he feels on some level. It does $uck to see other people around you happy and having things you hope to have at some point when you are feeling down in the dumps. Maybe he has clinical depression that's never been addressed.
I think this kid has a lot of unaddressed issues, ie. being sexually abused as a little kid.
There is just no evidence of
There is just no evidence of sexual abuse and truthfully I think if he had been he would latch onto it to excuse all of his behaviors. He wouldn't have to make up any mistreatment- it would be real. Him stealing our panties was never a sexually motivated thing- it was an act of aggression. Always done after we've pissed him off. It's likely the most personal thing he can think of o rob us of- and it gets everyone, including dh into a massive uproar.
Ss has been in therapy, has been hospitalized, and was tried on antidepressants. His attitudes don't come and go with his moods, they are present 24/7 and have been form about 9 years. He has had psych testing and it only came back with ADHD and odd.
I have sometimes wished these sorts of things were true. If they were, maybe we could treat the depression, do some trauma work, find the right med and fix all this- but I am convinced that its just not true. He just is who he is.
I think your SS has a
I think your SS has a personality disorder - as you will know as a therapist, psychiatrists are very unwilling to put such a diagnosis on a child or young person as they are virtually untreatable.
This blaming everyone else and not considering anyone else's opinion or feelings is very familiar to me from BM and SDs. Nothing is ever their fault or even a shared responsibility. It's always someone else doing wrong or being beastly to them - their insight into themselves is zero.
Sometimes the hardest thing to do - especially as a therapist (I was one in the past so I recognise this) is accepting there is nothing to be done. It is what it is.
It's true that they are
It's true that they are unwilling to make a diagnosis on a child, SD, now 19, was given 'emerging borderline personality disorder' when she was 13. I disengaged, stopped letting her push my buttons (she found some I did not even know I had!) and her behavior towards me changed because she couldn't use me any more. SD has a twin brother, yep, they both inherited their dad's intelligence and their mother's personality...they are sociopaths, just like their mother! I do not have time for that crap in my life so I do not take any of it, I used to get so upset before and I just hardened my mind to them all. I can tell you it was NOT easy, I loves them both still but they know where they stand with me.
I think he will get away with
I think he will get away with this attitude only while he is a 'child'.
Many people will probably beat him up once he gets out in the world, and that may be what helps him!! Sad but true