What happened to play?
I was thinking last night of how I grew up. I had awesome parents and an intact family. However my parents were clearly in charge and their lives did not revolve around me. They went out on the weekends with their friends and left me and my brother with a babysitter. My brother and I amused ourselves. We did plenty of scheduled family fun time, but I also remember long lazy days of just playing and just occassionally checking in with mom and dad during the day. I was in maybe two extracurriculars my whole childhood up until middle school. Life seemed easy, relaxed.
I think about kids nowadays, especially my ss, perhaps all blended kids. He lived with us full time when he was little, eowe with his mom. We planned our funnest events when ss was with us on the weekends as we wanted him to be part of the fun. Likewise bm planned her funnest family time when ss was there as well. Our other weekends were fun as well, but tended to be more spontaneous, relaxed, nonscheduled. Likewise, during the rest of the week, my ss required constant attention-it took him hours to complete a worksheet for a school. Hours in which a parent had to supervise him, prompt him, assist him (give him constant attention and feedback)-same thing if we tried to get him to do a chore or just groom himself Besides these things in the evenings he was involved in multiple extracurriculars over the course of the year. Soccer (one year, two different teams), basketball, baseball, Church program on Wednesdays. Every minute of his was essentially scheduled, planned, and he always had lots of parental supervision.
My kids on the other hand, who obviously grew up in the same family, spent hours, days, playing-imagining, making clubhouses, playing with the neighborhood kids, They did their homework and chores quickly so they could have play time. They had lazy weekends when we didnt have anything scheduled. Of course all the time dh and i spent supervising, prompting, monitoring ss-my kids were out exploring their worlds, entertaining themselves. It just occurred to me that my ss who is almost 15 years old has no idea how to "play" or amuse himself. Because he 's never had to . It makes me think of some of my college courses that talked about play being the essential, primary ingredient in a child's growth and maturity. It's how the learn about the world, how they work through their emotions, learn to socialize with others.
Of course I may just be rambling, but I think I may be onto something here not only with my ss but with this generation of kids who are overscheduled, constantly entertained, and hooked to technology. Thoughts?
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Same here .. when we came
Same here .. when we came home and asked "What's for dinner?" .. my dad would say, "Whatever Mom is cooking". There was no arguing, negotiating, begging, or refusing to eat.
LOL! That's my response now -
LOL! That's my response now - "you'll see when it's ready". Goes for breakfast and lunch too. I've got 4 kids at home and don't need or want their input on what I'm preparing while I'm preparing it.
I agree with you .. and I was
I agree with you .. and I was raised in a very similiar way.
It seems like a case of "too much of a good thing". Sports and scheduled activities aren't always a bad thing. If a kid really enjoys soccer, then let him play on a team. Sports have been proven to foster all types of favorable traits in kids; teamwork, coordination, understanding of rules, etc.
The problem is when parents see that and think, "oh, well the MORE sports and activities they're in, the BETTER the kid will be." And it backfires; exactly like you describe.
Exactly! Your family sounds
Exactly! Your family sounds exactly like mine growing up down to the couples my parents played cards with!! I never resented their time with friends, never even really thought about it to be honest, could not imagine demanding them to only pay attention to me. I wouldnt even want them to!!
I loved playing in the woods, making clubhouses, all of that stuff. I am not against extracurriculars by any means, but it seems that kids are eitehr constantly catered to and entertained or either enrolled in so many extracurriculars that they have no free time. Or both! I feel like they lose out on so much by not having unstructured play.
I hear about some of the
I hear about some of the "disney dads" on here who have their kids eowe and feel they need to be stuck like glue to them the entire visit-by entertaining them, taking them here or there, cuddling on the couch. I cant imagine my parents spending all weekend "entertaining" me. They had their things to do-whether their social time, housework, couple time or whatnot and we occassionally came together and did family stuff.
And I also agree with the weeknight thing. We didnt go anywhere! Maybe for a walk! In between kids extracurriculars, perhaps their midweek visitations with the other parent in which the majority are entertained, taken to dinner or whatnot-what are we doing to our kids? We are not allowing them any opportunities to use their imagination! They are not getting the benefit of seeing what the proper strucutre of a family is if their disney parents are busy entertaining them 24/7.
This is a pet peeve of
This is a pet peeve of mine-the soccer mom's in their folding chairs who pay no attention to their kids game, but think they are mom of the year for never missing a game.
I've had to miss a few games here and there over the years due to working full time. Honestly, there were a few additional times in which I just couldnt force myself to go since I stress easily when it comes to "overscheduling", but I will say that I make 75% of my kids activities and when I'm there-I'm actually there-fully engaged!
Me too!!! Oh to be a kid
Me too!!! Oh to be a kid again and know then what I know now. I am a huge SATC fan and Carrie Bradshaw has a line somewhere along the line of, "if I met me I wouldn't know me" in reference to if her younger self ran into who she become, and I feel like that all the time. I would kick my own ass I know that for sure. My childhood was great. I never felt like I needed to be up my parent's ass 24/7. We did plenty of stuff together, but I did my own thing all the time and loved it. I was like you, I would shut my door and just hang out, read, play Nintendo, draw, color, BE A DAMN KID!!! I was outside all the time, and definitely didn't have Mommy or Daddy tailing behind me on my adventures, kids today, like skid, don't evn know how what that means, adventure? What is that? They do nothing on their own and whine all the damn time. I cannot imagine what the world will be like when this entire generation of over indulged super entitled helpless group of kids are in charge. Pretty scary.
My two oldest (15 and 13)
My two oldest (15 and 13) dont "Play" so much anymore, but my 11 year old still does and the oldest two certainly did when they were younger. They "owned" the neighborhood it seemed. Explored, adventured-made up crazy,wild things to do. Put on plays, made "movies", wrote songs, had clubs. They occassionally got into a few mishaps! but I am so glad that they had that experience. Looking back, my ss was never involved in any of stuff-he was always inside refusing to complete homework, chores or he couldnt get along with the other kids in the neighborhood, or something. We always maintained his extracurriculars though as we felt, at the time, it was somethign positive that he could do that would perhaps motivate him to have better behavior. It seems he may have been better served just going out to play. It seems he went straight from being a toddler to smoking weed at 13.
I didn't do a lot of
I didn't do a lot of extra-curriculars to be honest, we didn't have a lot of money but it was okay. I loved being able to roam the neighborhood on my bike, I would stay gone till dinner. I could play all day and even as an only child I didn't mind not always having someone around. I would bake when I was old enough, make my room a giant tent, things like that. BS6 is allowed baseball during fall and spring, basketball in the winter, and we relax during the summer. BD5 is allowed a 45 min ballet class during her school day and a 45 min gymnastics class during her school day as well, then she is allowed gymnastics summer camp once a week. I don't want to overschedule them, but I think the exercise is good. I however was involved in mostly academic activities but not all the crazy running around we see these days. I have to take away the video games during the week, and don't allow TV every night. I'm afraid their brains will fry out. My daughter will play with ALL of her toys, my son is like his dad, a gaming nerd so I have to wean him off of it every few days. Sigh...I WISH it was safe enough to let them go play in the cul de sac all day, it's a nice neighborhood but anything can happen.
This thread is great! Here
This thread is great! Here we are a mere 6 weeks past Christmas and the last weekend we had the boys all I heard for 2 full days was "I am bored!!". Really? You got tablets for Christmas, games for your XBOX, books, and WWE Rumblers and you are bored?? I looked at DH and told him that next Christmas will be different, a modest giving to the bored children, and I am signing them up at the YMCA, they can go there and be bored!
I grew up at the Y (my Da was a physical director), learned to play basketball, tennis, shoot guns, archery, swimming and get along with other kids. Life was great when I was there, it taught me so much and I cherish those memories. No one was entertained unless we did it ourselves.
Their BM has taught them that the world revolves around them and that their Dad was to provide fun and excitement every visit. She doesn't do this for them, its easier to just tell them to have Dad bring them to the amusement park, water park, mini golf, mall to buy them everything their hearts desire, etc. Blah!!
Oh, and their bikes they got for Christmas 2 years ago, sit in our garage, only ridden twice. SMH!
I understand you on this one.
I understand you on this one. I feel like my skids just expect and expect us to do and do for them. Unless they have unlimited access to the computer (one computer, 5 kids) they are bored.
I think I can give an
I think I can give an interesting viewpoint on this. My sister and I were born just over one year apart. I was 6mo when my mom got pregnant with sister. We were born in the 80's. We were very much independent children who entertained ourselves. We were involved in extracurriculars if we wanted to be. My sister was really into sports so she did a lot of that. I wasn't really into that. I liked to play in the woods and imagine with my friends. My parents made dinner every night and we had absolutely no say in pretty much any aspect of our lives. My parents were the center of our household. It was simple and fun. My parents had 2 more children when my sister and I were entering middle school. These two were raised the same way, with the same expectations, but I can't help but notice that they are INSANELY ENTITLED children. They are still in highschool (one just graduated) and have been constantly involved in something or another. They are not catered to, but for some reason, they are super entitled. Maybe it has something to do with technology because they have known it their entire lives...maybe the "instant gratification" of technology has something to do with it.
Now, step kids...I think they are entitled and demanding of attention because any house they go to they are the super star center of the universe. Weeks are planned around them, activities, meals, etc. Every relative wants to spoil them because...well..because they are from a "broken" situation.
I agree with you Panda-that
I agree with you Panda-that it is not even neccessarily the parents that are creating these entitled kids-it seems to be society. Some of the extracurriculars that my kids have available to them-were unheard of back when I was growing up. My girls are both very active in cheer/gymnastics/dance and that has kept us busy over the years, my ds13 stopped extracurriculars last year and now has no interest in any of them. I'm ok with that, but at times, I feel almost a little embarrassed, like there is something wrong with me or my kid, because he doesnt do extracurriculars-which is ridiculous-but I feel that pressure from the community that my kids SHOULD be involved in such things.
My kids love sleepovers. I,
My kids love sleepovers. I, am not so fond of them any longer. I let my kids sleepover at their friends on the weekends if they like. I let them do a sleepover here about once a month. My dd just had her 11th bday and we had like 10 11 year olds here! I have noticed that my DS does not do as many sleepovers as my girls do-just not as much a boy thing, I guess?