Thoughts on Cheating part II
Something someone (I think it was StepAside) said really stuck with me.
Most of us get $hat on by BMs, sks and ILs and we haven't even done anything. So I think if you are the other person, you have handed them all a really big reason to dislike you and make your life very, very unpleasant. Again, should she involve the kids, no. But she can do so without the kids knowing about it.
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if a man cheats on his wife
if a man cheats on his wife with me how is that something that his parents have a right to hold over my head?
oh wait because of the poor grandchildren? really? how about the person who cause the break up of "his marriage" be responsible for his action?
the only person the in laws should be pissed off at is their son, not the person he cheated with.
SM's are always the escape goat, we expect our DH to take responsibility for their actions and their part in who their children have become and to address and change their reaction to it. But his very own parents dont hold him responsible for his actions in his previous marriage where he cheated and come after SM?
My DH is the homewrecker, I was married he was not. But guess who takes total responsibility for her homewrecking actions? Me. Therefore my parents and my children have accepted my husband.
The homewrecker is not the cheatee, the cheater is.
You may think Im terrible for doing it, but it doesnt matter. Noone lived in my house and my relationship with my ex so you could not possibly understand. He and I are fine with it and my kids benefit from a solid parental relationship so I could not have been all wrong.
I just think its bullshit to basically say that its ok for someone to dislike you because of something that they should be holding someone else responsible for. It just perpetuates the break down of the family which is what everyone is upset about in the first place.
I dont think SM's are looking for like from inlaws, BM's or Sk's. Shit I would settle for a working professional business relationship. I think were all looking for alittle bit of respect. We are here and apparently someone wants us here (like our spouses)
It takes a village folks.
"I dont think SM's are
"I dont think SM's are looking for like from inlaws, BM's or Sk's. Shit I would settle for a working professional business relationship. I think were all looking for alittle bit of respect. We are here and apparently someone wants us here (like our spouses)"
Would I treat (emphasis on "treat") this person with respect, yes. But would I respect, look up to, or care about them, nope. I just cannot look up to/like any woman or man who gets romantically involved with someone else's spouse/SO before that relationship has ended.
"There is no good reason for
"There is no good reason for vengeance."
I agree with you on that.
Like I've said elsewhere, I hope your SS' BM will seek counseling.
Oh, I know and agree on that
Oh, I know and agree on that too.
This is an issue I have dealt with starting at a very early age. I saw it happen between my own parents. My dad cheated on my mom and my mom divorced him. He's still married to the woman he cheated on my mom with. He married her a week after he divorced my mom so I knew something was up (I was 8).
But one thing I'm very grateful to my mom for is not involving me in adult issues. Whenever I asked about the divorce and why Dad married my stepmother a week later (let's face it, kids are smart and ask questions) she said that was something I didn't need to know about until I was an adult. She always enforced that I didn't have to love or like my stepmother, but treating her with respect was/is mandatory, and I would have to answer to both my dad AND her (Mom) if I didn't. She never trashed them in front of me.
She told me what happened a few months after my 18th birthday. By this time, she remarried a really nice guy (my stepdad). As an adult, I have asked her many times how she managed to handle things so well. She said she was hurt as he11 like anyone else would be, but didn't want me to have to go through more hurt on top of the divorce and my dad's remarrying someone I never met before so soon after the divorce. Don't get me wrong, she helped me work through my own emotions regarding what I knew about the situation and had me seeing the school counselor once a week (we could not afford counseling). But she would talk with friends and family when I was out of earshot and vent about it then.
She forgave both of them. I don't think people have to forgive in those situations. Regardless, I do believe in finding a healthy way to move on, let all the resentment out, and do as the Bible suggests in Romans.