So one of the main reasons I found this site is because I needed to search out a particular issues I am having with SS14. As I posted previously, SS has a very dysfunctional relationship with BM. He won’t see her and relies on me and BD for his entire social experience. He hates school and has only one friend in the world. It’s hard to think of him as 14 because mentally he has the maturity level of a 10 year old. He now thinks of me and BD as his family. I suspect aspergers due to his behavior, lack of socialization, OCD and high intelligence.
In the last two weeks, I have noticed some physical behavior coming from him that makes me uncomfortable. I was leaving and SS gave me a hug goodbye, nothing unusual but this time after the hug he sort of hesitated and then proceeded to “tickle” me or burrow his hands into my side. I was surprised and gently said, “no, no” and took a step back. His response was one of rejection and he said, “What are you going to do, take out a restraining order?” I didn’t even know what to do with that one. After not seeing SS for a few days, he is excited to see me and gives me a big bear hug and then kisses my neck. I took a step back, in shock. I later told BD and he agreed it was inappropriate. We both agreed one of us needed to talk to SS about this, but neither of us got around to it. This past weekend, I hadn’t seen SS in a few days, gave him a hug hello. Fine. I noticed him kinda lingering around me but went along my own business. Twice in the matter of 2 hours, when his father was not around, he would call out for me to come over to him where he was sitting on the couch and ask me to come to him to give him a hug. I said “no, I just gave you one when I got here” and walked away. At the end of the night, I gave him his hug good bye and there is was again, the kiss on the neck. I now make a mental note and decide that I want nothing more to do with these hugs. The next day, again as he leaves he tries to give me a hug and I side step him and offer only a pat on the back. He is visibly upset but it isn’t the appropriate place to discuss it. I make a mental note to sit down with him at the next possible time to discuss it further with him and decide, no more hugs. I speak with his BD later and he lets me know SS is upset and wonders if I am “repulsed” by him because I dodged his hug. I let BD know what happened in the last two days with the hugs, and lingering and now second kiss on the neck. He agrees, I need to talk to him and let him know what is appropriate. I tell him I am uncomfortable with the physicality and need to implement boundaries, naturally SS is going to feel rejected. BD lets me know SS’s BM was never very affectionate with him and SS is very affectionate with his paternal grandmother and great grandmother. I let BD know, I don’t care about grandmothers and I am not comfortable. So, I have to have a discussion with SS on what are appropriate boundaries with me. Any suggestions? Am I over reacting? BD thinks it’s okay to continue hugs, just without a kiss. I don’t want any hugs at all. While the kid might mentally have the capacity of a 10 year old, I can’t ignore the fact that he is a hormonal, 6’1” and 14.5 years old.