Something changed, I can't say exactly when. I just noticed I stopped caring about SS15. If I cared, I would feel bad for doing so. But, I just don't. Some good things have happened, FDH put his foot down and now SS is spending EOW with his mom. It has made all the difference in the world with our relationship. We live for those weekends, we go out of town or spend the day in bed together. It doesn’t matter as long as it’s just us and he is out of our hair. Then the weekends we do have him, I just ignore him. If I have to deal with him, it’s at a minimum. I am so much happier. I don't let his neediness get to me anymore. SS asks FDH if I am mad at him or don't like him anymore. I could care less. A few months back his behavior was so out of control and we had him all the time. FDH saw how it was stressing me out, put our relationship first, put SS in check and it's been better ever since. Last week FDH felt bad for SS, asked if I would put time aside to spend with SS, like watch TV or babble on. I told him I cared for his SS because I loved him but never had a desire to want to spend time with SS. He is a difficult child at best and hasn’t gotten the help he needs in socialization and behavioral therapy as promised so I couldn’t change him and not to expect anything until he gets the help he needs. Today, FDH brought SS again, and thanked me for putting up with SS for him. He went so far as to call me an angel for it. It kinda confuses me and I don’t know how long it will last but I’m going along with it.
I don’t know is this is the disengagement you all speak of, but it's wonderful!