BM lost it last night
I have no idea where to get this out so here goes....
Last night DH went to pick up SD8, she threw a fit and did not want to go. His ex amped up the drama, encouraged the kids behavior and even pushed him up against a wall. She has been out of control in the past, but this was by far the worst.
When he finally got her in the car, what did he do? Took her straight to her gymanstics class. I was in shock - let's go ahead and reward shitty conduct. Awesome job.
When they get home from gym, I can barely look at the kid. He and I go into the bedroom and I am shokced to find out he has no intention of filing assault charges or even a police report to document the incident. He is however, going to have his attorney send her a letter. I am sure she will use that letter to light up another cigarette while she laughs at him.
I am losing so much respect for him. I see his role as being the protector of the family, I know it sounds old fashioned but he should insulate me from her BS crazy ass. Instead she blew up his phone last night with all sorts of vile text messages.
I am sad, hurt, angry and somewhat resigned. I dont want this to be my life. How do I fix this? How does he fix her?
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Comments
Wow! He should've called the
Wow! He should've called the cops immediately and reported the incident to at least have it documented. BM could always turn the tables and claim HE assaulted HER and then he'd really be up shit's creek.
To allow SD to throw such a fit and then reward her with gymnastics class - that was an idiotic move on his part. He should've taken her straight home and at least had a conversation and a consequence for her actions. All he taught her was "you can act up and you'll still get whatever you want".
As far as what you can do to stop/change this? Not much. You can sit him down and explain how you see things and how rewarding his kid for bad behavior is just setting her up for failure later in life and creating a brat, but until he sees that for himself, he won't change it. You could demand it from him, but he'd likely see that as a threat.
He can't ever change how BM is either. What he could do is insist that drop offs/pick ups be held at a public place so BM doesn't get all wild and crazy on him (or if she does, there's witnesses). If he'd filed a police report from the previous incident you described, he could easily get that taken to court and put into the parenting agreement.
Sounds like your DH needs to grow a set and take control of the situation or nothing will change and things may get much worse. I'm sorry you're dealing with that and can't blame you for feeling sad and angry and hurt over it. Until HE does something to change the situation; however, I don't see it getting better.
I wish you the best. Sounds like you're in for quite the uphill battle. I'm so sorry!
He said he went on to
He said he went on to gymnastics because he was numb and so shocked at what had happened. He really wasn't thinking straight. He agrees that next time he will handle differently.
Just got off the phone with him; he is going to call the attorney that I used who is much tougher than his original one. We will end up spending money on a modification to make a changes to the decree. She wont agree to anything willingly, such as neutral drop off locations, unless it is forced upon her by the courts.
We were supposed to go to Italy this summer - I see my trip money getting sucked into the blackhole of BM's bullshit. Lucky fucking me.....
WOW, that was my life. BM
WOW, that was my life. BM would coach SD to act out and there would be no consequences for SD's behavior. Parental Alienation is a nasty disease. It got so bad especially after a Judge told BM to stop, DH had to tell SD she was no longer allowed to visit at our home. SD did a lot of damage mentally, physically to our relationships and home.
Our BM still plays games on a daily basis. If it's quiet for awhile, I know more is coming, it just when. The court system has been working somewhat in our favor, it's the GAL who is afraid BM will walk out on the children if BM gets whacked enough in court.
She settled down for a while
She settled down for a while but has ramped up a lot in the past month or so. I guess the holidays were hard on her? who knows or cares.
The worst part if the DH and I fought bitterly over how to handle this going forward. As typical with women, I want a very direct and punitive approach. I want to put a legal boot on her neck and not let up. He wants to see if she will calm down and maybe we can all play nice in the future. How do you get across to them that you cannot fix crazy?
I have a girlfriend that told her husband when his ex started acting up - "I dont do Crazy, let me know when you have this sorted out" She refused to let BM's crap invade her home. I may need to adopt the same stance. Deal with it, let me know when you are done.
Thanks, I agree. Can you call
Thanks, I agree. Can you call my DH and tell him that? :?