Should I speak up if all of these things bother me?
Quick background: DF recently lost his vision and is no longer able to work. I just graduated college so even though I work full time, I make crap money. Because of all this, we are losing our house because the gobs of money he used to make are no longer there and he doesn't start getting disability payments until February.
Thing number one: we need a new house. I don't qualify for a mortgage. His parents offered to put the loan in their name and we would make the payments. DF agreed, because really, what choice do we have? But I am thinking...I AM GOING TO BE RENTING A HOUSE FROM MY IN-LAWS FOR THE NEXT 30 YEARS. And his mother has already told me that there will be no smoking in the house and the dog should only shit in the side yard. :O
Thing number two: he is feeling like he doesn't contribute because he doesn't work. So he offers his babysitting duties to BM for the children she has had since they split. These are not his children, although they are half-sister and half-brother to SS and SD. Just what I always wanted when I FINALLY got to the point that there are no babies or toddlers in my house: a baby and a toddler in my house. On my day off. So relaxing.
Thing number three: SS12 is a train wreck. It is painfully obvious that this kid has ADD. He cannot get through two consecutive homework problems without being redirected at least three times. And then, after completing said assignment which you have practically sat on his lap to make him do, he goes to school and FORGETS TO TURN IT IN. And yet, when he comes home and goes directly to the XBox or his computer and does not move until 10 pm, I am the asshole for suggesting that maybe, just maybe, he should cut down the screen time and do his homework. Or DF will ground him from everything and then feel bad and let him off the next day. I can't even.
Thing number four: DF is ridiculously hard on BS5. He's 5. You cannot have a logical conversation with a 5-year-old. They stop listening after 3 minutes. That is when you should stop talking. But he does not. Actually he does this to all my kids, but not to his.
So... do I say something and risk stirring up a bunch of shit, or do I just take a Xanax and suck it up?
- stressgirl79's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Ok that is one nightmare
Ok that is one nightmare after another. I would die if I had to be in debt to my MIL because she is an evil bitch. I would tell her that since you are paying the mortgage, the dog will shit wherever the damn well he pleases!!!
As for the rest of it, definitely take a Xanax.
Wait, your dh feels like he
Wait, your dh feels like he isn't contributing so his way of contributing is to babysit his ex-wife's kids? WTF? How is doing his ex wife a favor contributing to your household exactly?
She actually pays him to do
She actually pays him to do it, so he is making money by doing it. But it still irks me to no end.
How can he be unable to
How can he be unable to retrain into another job yet be able to babysit a baby and toddler? Isn't that a little dangerous? Nothing against the unsighted, but there are retraining programmes available.
And rent an apartment. No renting from in-laws. Or he can live there alone and you will visit if and when you want.
He usually gets a lot of help
He usually gets a lot of help from the older kids, and he still has most of his peripheral vision. Just no central vision. Plus, you know, I'm here, so...
And we have 5 kids between us, so unfortunately it's way cheaper to buy than to rent around here. We are kind of stuck.
I want to take a Xanax just
I want to take a Xanax just reading that.
Honestly, I would hope you could talk to him about things if you plan on being with him for the rest of your life.
I would choke before I would
I would choke before I would let my inlaws help like that, it is just not worth it!!
If they want to help you with a down payment that is one thing or pay down debt, but in their name, hell no!!
Just rent until you can afford to buy yourself ... really!!!!
Then smoke a big stinky cigar in your house!! :evil:
Unfortunately, the loan has
Unfortunately, the loan has already been taken out, and we couldn't afford to rent anyway. We are talking like 3x the amount of the house payment. And the public housing list is 3 years long, and closed. I've talked to him until I'm blue in the face about the way he is with the kids, and he will be different for a while, but then it's back to the same thing again. And with SS? I know it's not my problem but it's seriously the most annoying thing in the world to have to watch. I guess if it wasn't all piled on top of everything else it wouldn't be so bad, but it's overwhelming together.
(And I didn't even mention the fact that I work in the worst retail environment ever. Last week a customer threw a temper tantrum, called me the c-word, and whipped a handful of change at me. Yup, living the dream.)
But, I should be able to talk to him about this and I feel like I can't. That is definitely a problem.
OMG, do NOT move in to a
OMG, do NOT move in to a house owned by your inlaws.
Sorry, I couldn't live like
Sorry, I couldn't live like that. I would walk if I was beholden to my in-laws with rules like that. I can see them calling by any time they want and complain about unwashed laundry. Honey, you sold your soul.
You should be able to jump the list a bit due to your DFs disability. But maybe your relationship isn't recognised by the HOD due to your non-married status. Not judging, just saying. I could have happily have lived with my DH without marrying him. Yet to be with him here in the USA we HAD to marry. So we did.
I would not tolerate my DH taking care of his ex's other kids. Nor would I put up with an out-of-control tween. Nor him coming down hard on a 5 yr old.
I would walk. You are in for a miserable future. Because really, your in-laws bought the house so THEIR son has somewhere to live with HIS kids.
DON'T let him bully your kid.
DON'T let him bully your kid. Your situation sucks, but he doesn't get to take it out on your kid.
If it's a house you wanted
If it's a house you wanted and picked out, refinance ASAP.if they wanted a potential rental property, stay as long as you have to, then get the hell out. But, I also agree with Stepdown, if you're not married don't put your name on anything. Ss12 is EXACTLY like my selfish ungrateful Bs12. I feel for you, really. Tell your man to take care of his and you'll take care of yours. Its really hard to respect someones parenting style when the only one they recognize needs parenting, isn't theirs. I'm sure you only refer to the Xanax in fun, but be careful with it too.
good luck in everything.
It's pretty funny that when I
It's pretty funny that when I write it all down and look at it objectively, it's obvious that these are all problems with simple fixes. Yes, deal with them. I guess I've been too close to them for too long. Thanks to everyone who commented for letting me see what it looks like from the outside.