I take an elderly family friend out grocery shopping every month. The woman is on a fixed income and none of her family members in the area have cars, so I'm pretty much all she has when it comes to her getting her monthly grocery shopping done. The complication to all of this - this elderly woman also happens to be the grandmother of OSD22 and the mother of SD22's BM - the BM that if you read my bio was 27 and married when she decided to seduce her brother's 2 younger (underage) friends in order to get pregnant. (Yes folks, that would be statutory rape and yes, that would indeed make BM a pedophile.)

The rundown:
This BM did everything she could to keep DH out of SD22's life. Long story short, the only time BM wanted DH around is when she could use DH in some way - almost always for money. Eventually, SD22 and DH were able to establish a relationship, albeit a very one-sided one. SD22 would only call when she wanted something and would refer to DH as "dad" when she wanted something from him, otherwise, she'd refer to him only by his first name and generally we wouldn't hear anything from her no matter how much we'd try to call. BM always seemed bitter that SD22 wanted DH around at all. At the birth of SD22's first child, SD22 actually decided that she wanted the baby's father, BM, DH and I there. While we were waiting for the baby to be born and while BM was eating the food that my DH and I had bought for her, BM told me that she really didn't like the fact that SD22 wanted us there for the birth of HER grandchild as she had always envisioned this event as "HER moment with SD22".
Quickly after the birth of SD22's first child, she was pregnant with another man's child and the second baby was born 13 months after the first. The only time DH and I would hear from SD22 was when she wanted diapers or something for the babies or needed financial help. Basically, BM and SD22 would spend whatever cash grants they would get through social services on their cigarettes and anything else they wanted and then would call DH and I demanding (not asking) that we buy SGD2 and SGD1 diapers and whatever else and we would be berated and guilt tripped and be labeled as "bad grandparents" if we didn't. Mind you, DH and I bought a boatload of cloth diapers for SD22 right from the beginning because we knew how BM and SD22 are all about "me first" and we knew that they would pull garbage like spending all of their money on themselves and leaving the babies without necessities to use as something to pull on the heartstrings. (They are well aware that people are more inclined to buy diapers for an innocent baby than they are to support someone's smoking habit.) We barely have any money to spare as it is, yet since we work and they don't, we must be rich! We would never be allowed to really visit or have anything to do with either SGD2 or SGD1 to develop any kind of relationship with these girls - we're only good for providing cash and that's it.
Well, yesterday I bring the elderly family friend back to her apartment after doing some shopping and lo and behold, SD22's BM is there. Since it was snowing and cold and BM would have to walk a few miles in the dark and in bad neighborhoods to get back home, I offered her a ride since it was in the general direction of my house. (dumb idea) She accepted and got in the car. The smell of urine and cigarette smoke was overpowering and she started in on me (with BD10 in the back seat mind you) before we could even get out of the driveway of the apartment complex.
First, BM tried getting her passive agressive digs in me about SGD2 and SGD1 about how they "really got the raw end of the deal when it came to both sides of their families, but that's ok - they have their mommy and their Nana (BM)." BM went on telling me how great SGD's are doing and that SGD1 just took her first few steps and how SGD2 is so attached to her Nana that she won't go to anyone else and how she was with the babies all day watching them because SD22 was out with friends all day at the Indian Reservation with friends to get everyone's cigarettes, blah, blah, blah. Then, when BM saw that I wasn't visibly saddened and that she hadn't gotten under my skin, she tried going for the not so thinly veiled attacks against DH and myself. BM started asking how my relationship is going with DH (which is none of her damn business.) Then went on in her tirade saying that at the very least, DH could call and ask if there's anything that his granddaughters need or what they want for Christmas or their birthdays. Funny - I don't recall us getting calls from their end asking how any of us are doing or any invitations to any birthdays or anything at all. Then BM went on to ask if we've heard anything from SD19 (SD22's half sister and the one that threatened BD10, walked out, lied about all of us and joined the army.) I told BM that the only contact that we'd recently had from SD19 basically ended with SD19 attacking DH's Christianity because he doesn't want contact with her right now based upon everything that she's been doing. BM's response: "Good! Someone needs to! These are his daughters and how he can turn his back on his own kids is beyond me! I could never turn my back on my own kids! You, I can understand, but these are his kids and he'd better remember that God tells us that we have to forgive!" (Mind you, BM is Christian as well and is one of those people that is constantly saying that God told her this and God told her that.) :sick: When it comes to the whole forgiveness thing, I've said it a million times that there is a BIG difference between forgiveness and reconciliation and that while we can forgive, we can't necessarily reconcile - that reconciliation takes effort on BOTH ends. A relationship based on lies, manipulation and threats isn't much of a relationship at all and last I checked, God told me to forgive, but I didn't read anything about being someone's doormat or punching bag. It seems though that apparently according to a good amount of people (BM and a former church member included) that, if DH and I don't continue to fall in line, prostrate ourselves to his adult daughters and allow them to manipulate, use and abuse us, we're somehow not forgiving these adult women for the things that they've done and continue to do to us. Somehow, simply because these women share some DNA with DH, they believe that they are entitled to use and abuse him. As BM continued her tirade on me about DH, I told her that DH had a very long conversation with SD19 months before she left for the army and that he told her that no matter what, he will always love her and he will always worry about her but that he's not going to condone her actions or support her lies about us. Funny, he said much the same thing to SD22 as well when it came to her lies and playing games too... At the end, I don't believe that I even got a thank you or anything for the nice ride in a warm car - don't even think BD10 and I were told to have a good night or anything actually - oh well.
All in all, I think it's pretty amazing that when you stop allowing yourself to be abused and victimized by these adults that your life tends to be more enjoyable when it's relatively drama-free. If BM was looking to make me feel bad last night - she failed - miserably. My give a damn for people that use and abuse is officially busted! }:)