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Therapy…

DaisyMaess's picture

Hi. Our marriage has hit breaking point due to the issues surrounding the adult children from DH first marriage.

I'm not sure I'm even allowed to ask on here but can anyone recommend a couples therapist who specialises in blended families? 

UK based 

DaisyMaess's picture

Thank-you Rags 

Evil4's picture

Make sure you, and I mean you alone, interview therapists before committing. The reason I say this is because if a therapist has not received specific education and training in blended family dynamics, they can actually make things worse. Ask me how I know. 

14 is a lot's picture

how do you know?

Rags's picture

A bad one can destroy your life.

Research your therapist, look for reviews, check with your State's therapist licensing authority regarding any therapists you are considering.

The angel of a therapist that I engaged as a marriage counselor when XW and I were trying to save our marriage ended up being my personal therapist after my XW walked out of our last couples therapy session when after 6mos of couples therapy working through XW, her issues and her family history, me, my issues, and my families history,.  We met at the therapist's office for what turned out to be our last session as a couple and the therapist opened the session telling us that after a lot of work that we would start on the intimacy issues in the married. XW stood up, pronounced that she did not have a problem with sex, and walked out.

Our divorce was final 6mos after that.  For context, XW was pregnant by one of her several cheat buddies when she moved out a couple of months after our final couples therapy session.  That guy, her geriatric Fortune 500 executive sugar/baby daddy. ended up spawning two OOWL children with her, being her second DH who she cheated on with the baby daddy of her 3rd child that was also OOWL. That guy became her DH #3.

The incredible angel  Doc was integral in helping me reconnect with the person I enjoy being.  I lost touch with that person for the blessedly reasonably short duration of my first marriage which I escaped without polluting my gene pool with my serially adulterous XW.   I owed Doc M my incredible life of adventure and love for the ages that my bride of 30 years have created together.  Our last individual session she fired me.  She told me I could continue our sessions but she advised that I step out and get on with my life.  She told me that if anyone had told her that the young energetic man with the childlike zest for life  that I was  then, was the same defeated sullen middle aged man who had first met with her 10mos before she would have called them crazy.  I was 26.

Pick your therapist wisely. Save yourself a ton of drama and amplified baggage that can come with an idiot ineffective therapist.  An idiot pseudo science moron of a therapist can destroy your even more than a shit marriage does.

Don't forget that your therapist works for you. If they are not delivering to your requirements, fire them and find one that is a good fit.

IMHO and experience of course.

Good luck.

CajunMom's picture

Dr. Amy JL Baker is an expert in Parental Allienation and toxic step families. Her website has tons of resources. She does phone consults also so that might be an option for you even being in the UK.

https://www.amyjlbaker.com

I wish you the best. My marriage almost ended due to adult SKs but thankfully, DH and I got into counseling and today, we are doing well. Pray the same for you. 

DaisyMaess's picture

I'll certainly look into this and I'm so pleased things are better for you now 

CajunMom's picture

Our therapists have always been local and our current one (with whom we will stay with) is super aware of PAS and toxic adult SKs. He's helped us navigate a few "testy" events and the results were great and positive for us.

I also brought a lot of Dr Baker's studies and information into our counseling sessions, though. So, our other therapists were also technically aware of StepHell.

If you don't do the sessions with her, definitely read her books and studies and pull those into your counseling sessions.

Harry's picture

A wast of time.  Be ready to change your therapists in a given time if not helping.  Like six months.  Be aware that you both must change. In order to work