Never saying no
Hi guys. I don't know why I keep staying with this man. You all know his kids don't stay with us and are not nice to him. He asks me if it is safe for SD to keep her prom dress here because of the cats and what he should tell her . I said we are also going to be having two bathrooms remodeled. He then gets all upset because he said he told her yes. I told him it is on him what he does. He then gets angry at me saying how can he tell Her no now. I then asked him his thought process on why he acts like this towards me. He said I am always against his kids. I am against how he handles his kids , especially when he asks me something and all I do is answer. I posted this on another site and got reamed for not letting SD keep her dress here. I never said no. He asked me about it. Let me explain more of what I know. Not sure why she doesn't just make room for it where she lives. There is no garment bag. We have a young cat that may climb on something long and it can open bifold closet doors. There is only one closet where it will be completely safe and that will be emptied and renovated along with the main bathroom. The prom is not until May. If there is one string hanging BM will run my SO through the coals. My SO has such bad OCD he will constantly be yelling at me to watch the cat and where it is going. I think SD should be told of all consequences of her dress being here, especially if she is looking for a safe place for it. I just can't understand why it isn't a no. Why is it so hard. Oh and I found out that SS batting lessons are not $60 a lesson but $120. SO won't tell SS and BM he can't afford it. And he hasn't told me how much it is. I am sure it is because he doesn't want me to be mad. And it doesn't matter who's money it is paying for these lessons it still ends up hurting me somehow. Not as nice of a vacation or less going out together. It is like I stay for a few good days a month with us being a happy couple with no arguments.
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Comments
Amazon
Buy SD a garment bag.
'TWO DH paying for his DS batting lessons should be discussed with you before paying for the lessons. A monthly expense of $500 is a lot of money. Saying that you knew he has kids he was there father. Kids need money. The older they get the more money they need. I.e. car. ...car insurance...college ....living,,,books,, travel....marriage...
'in a relationship money is out in the open not hidden. That's disrespectful to you.
As far as I know the dress is
As far as I know the dress is going to her grandfather's house now. He finally told me about the baseball lessons. He said he is not even giving half and that the lessons will be spread out more. But he will not tell SS no , that they are just too expensive.
The truth is that no matter
The truth is that no matter how hard you try to keep construction dust out of the rest of your house, it WILL get everywhere!!
I think you need to try the approach of taking care of poor widdle SD.
"Honey, it would be nice to help protect SD's prom dress here but I'm worried about the construction dust and what if there is a mishap during construction, I would never forgive myself if something happened to SD's dress. This is a big day for her and I know she's spent a lot of money on this dress. Let's see if we can find a safer place to keep it because it would not be easy to replace if it were damaged. And she would be devastated!"
If you play the concerned and caring stepmother, how can he find fault with that?
I was done with it after he
I was done with it after he got upset with me. He called her back said she could keep it here but gave her reasons why it might not be the best place. It is going to her grandfather's house.
Or you could disengage and if
Or you could disengage and if something happens to the dress, oh, well, so BM will yell at your SO. Let him deal with the consequences. As for the extra cost for SS and not telling you about it, that's a problem. I hope you have separate bank accounts.
If it were myself I would say
If it were myself I would say "I know that it's important so I will leave this task to you to handle as you see fit to keep the dress safe."
"Well dear, since you made
"Well dear, since you made the decision before talking to me about it, anything that happens w/ said dress is 100% on you. I hope you've thought over your decision because it will not be on me no matter what"
It is not being kept here now
It is not being kept here now. But even if I would have put it all in him. It would have been months if his anxiety about it and yelling at me to make sure doors were closed etc.
Good Lord, here's how he can
Good Lord, here's how he can tell her no....
"SD I know that I said we would keep your dress here, but after thinking on it I realized that probably isn't a good idea. You see we are having some remodeling done. I would hate for your dress to get covered in construction dust but it would be out of my control."
That's not being mean to his daughter. That is explaining to her the reality of the situation. Sometimes things just aren't feasible.
He did finally tell her the
He did finally tell her the cons about it being here. But I wish I knew why there isn't one inch of space at her house and if it is so important to store somewhere how much did this thing cost.
You are right
In a remodeling dust gets everywhere. Five years from now. You will find construction dirt. That the price you pay for remodeling. A valuable dress like a prom dress should not be kept at your house. Until construction is completed. If the dress is keep at your house. Plan on cleaning it before the prom. Get a garment bag from Amazon
I am sure SO would put it on
I am sure SO would put it on me to take care of the dress and I don't want any parts of it. Have the burden of the dress but no getting to enjoy anything SD does. No thanks.
Is it possible that she doesn
Is it possible that she doesn't actually like the dress and that she's hoping it will get damaged , one way or another (and, yes, a speck of dust will silutely "ruin" it for her), so she can demand you buy her a new one?
will it even fit or be the
will it even fit or be the style she wants in 5 mo?
A friend was just asking me
A friend was just asking me this. Wondering why she bought it so soon and asking if it would fit. And we discussed that she is done with cheer so that eliminates a physical activity. And she has a boyfriend now who is larger in statue and likes to eat. That makes me think that it might mean she will be eating more. And any little bit of weight could make a difference. I could just see it being at our house and it not fitting in 5 months and us being accused of our house shrinking it. Lol
Shit happens. Dresses are not infrequently the victim of shit.
MY DW's wedding dress was one of these shit happens dress victims.
In a move about 16yrs ago we had the moving company use hanging garmet boxes for DW's dresses and my suits, slacks, etc... One of those boxes was damaged in the truck. When they were unloading the moving truck they used a dolly to move the boxes. DW's wedding dress partially came out of the box and went under the wheels of the dolly when then dragged the dress for several feet while the wheels of the dolly ground it against our driveway. Iit was trashed. Holes, black stains, etc...
Sad, but... shit happens. DW was definately irritated but did not lose her mind over it.
This is not a yes the dress can stay or no the dress must go thing. This is "We have a new kitten and we are remoddling, come get your shit so it will be safe during the construction work and so the kitten won't climb on it. Or, take it to a cleaners and get it cleaned and conserved, boxed in an acid free box, cram it on a shelf with SD's name written on it. Then forget it exists. Not your dress, not your problem. Not daddy's dress, not daddy's problem.
That this ball-less wonder let this be some big deal is pathetic.
He did not tell her no but
He did not tell her no but did say it could get damaged. It is not at our house. And he has also completely cleaned out her closet. I need to move my clothes over for the bathroom remodel and she hasn't worn those clothes for almost 3 years. He also cleaned out SS closet in the process. Plus through out a lot of their stuff. I am hoping he keeps it up. I would like to do other things with their rooms. They don't stay so it isn't their home anymore.