Free from the burden of social media
I bring this up because SS recently asked DH why I wasn't on Facebook anymore.
I mentioned here before that I connected with the skids via social media a very long time ago initially out of expectation that we would all get along just fine. When problems (quickly) arose, I stayed connected because we knew we were being lied to (a real dilemma...that wasn't my job, yet the intel was useful although frustrating/maddening).
One example is that BM left the (teenage) skids alone for a weekend while she went out of town. To try to hide this from DH--and to ensure that no unmonitored communication would occur (WTH?)--she texted DH that she "didn't have the money to pay the cell phone bills [e.g. send us more money]," so none of them could be reached until the following week. She knew that DH would have a fit that the skids were home unsupervised, and she obviously instructed them NOT to answer calls from DH. Of course, their social media accounts leaked the truth. lol.
In the early years, I saw a lot of $ being spent on twice-a-year vacations while we could not afford to go away longer than perhaps a weekend primarily because of DH's financial obligations and the extra financial demands thrown at him. But I also saw how the skids pretended to the public that they didn't even have a father. It was a narrative created by BM ("abandonment") that she obviously demanded be upheld by the skids. Mothers' Days were all-out Facebook celebrations, while Fathers' Days were never mentioned. Same with all other holidays. Even when the skids visited, they went home and changed their FB profile pics to "mommy and me" pics (loyalty), never mentioning that they just returned from all-expense paid trips to Costa Rica or Key West. It was truly disgusting. Meanwhile, by remaining "friends" with them, I allowed the skids an open window into our life, something they really did not deserve.
After DH's surgery in 2023 and the fiasco of having the ingrates up here during that crisis, I saw that neither of them mentioned on social media that their father had just undergone a near-death experience and that they had come up to be with him and "help" (cough). They didn't mention being here. They never mentioned him. That was the last straw for me.
I told DH what I was doing. I told him why. I told him I was done. I told him that I don't NEED to know what they're doing with their lives. I don't need to know that they worship their mother publicly like brainless cult members. I know what they're about. They can't hide anything from us because I finally got to a point that I stopped giving a shit.
I unfriended and blocked. BIG SIGH OF RELIEF. It has felt so good. It was that final string of attachment that was cut.
So, SS asked DH about me not being on Facebook. DH said, well, she is on social media but has cut off from a lot. Period.
Sayanara! The only info you get about our lives is from DH, which isn't much. He's pretty tight-lipped and he's not on Facebook.
But, truly, it has felt so good--so so good.
(Knowing them--and their mother--they will use an alt account to check to see if I'm on, and they'll see that I am still active on a daily basis. . . just not with them. Snicker.)
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I don't blame you
They just used your social media presence for their own needs. I don't blame you for blocking.
I've never gotten on Facebook. I'm such a private person that the whole idea is horrendous.
My DH thinks along the same
My DH thinks along the same lines as you. He hates the idea of it. But I also think he didn't want to see first-hand how his kids pretended they were fatherless.
Having the skids on my social
Having the skids on my social media was a huge mistake. Once they DM'd me crap on there u blocked them and now I don't even have any social media at all, and it's wonderful
Apparently my daughter and step daughter are friends on Instagram and so my skids can get some info about our life from my teenage daughters account. I don't really like that but it is what it is.
I sometimes wonder if the reason my stepson is mad at her dad is he would have found out about our bucket list trips to Europe from my daughters Instagram. Because I'm guessing my husband didn't share this info with him, well he never said anything about it
I just don't ask questions and try to live my life :)
@Morningmia good for YOU!
@Morningmia good for YOU! Your SKIDs and my SKIDs just simply use facebook to stalk what's going on, they don't like my stuff, they don't contribute anything positive and I completely regret accepting their facebook friend invite. I am very happy you unfriended and blocked- at this point it is what it is and you know who they are. I had the HAPPY incident (although I didn't know it at the time) of being unfriended and blocked by older SS and his bride. There wasn't a clear reason why- in fact I had just done something nice for them financially however I decided NOT to bring it up. I took sometime to be a little angry - why does it have to be this punishing, this hard and this unhappy all the time? Then...I realized this was a HUGE FAVOR that they did for me. It's been almost a year now and they haven't whined to DH about it and I have kept my mouth shut. I told DH about the incident and made it clear I want nothing to change or be done ONLY to let him know so if the story "changes" that I did something wrong he can understand that this was THEM not me and I am not fixing this. The coolest part about this is I have not once regretted this decision that they made and I wonder if I would have had the insight you did I should have been the one to do it and do it sooner! So CONGRATS, you quite literally turned the next corner in your disengagement and it will be for the better. I gurantee you will never look back and wonder- "Ohhhh how I miss them and their updates." Quite the opposite - this is a new day for you and you're never returning to that garbage with them again!
HAPPY FOR YOU !!!!
Thank you. Through the many
Thank you. Through the many years, they never/rarely "liked" any of my posts, and I suspected that SS at one point set up his account so that if I posted anything to him/tagged him (which I would back in the day), it could not be seen by others. All the while, the skids would say things to me and DH indicating that they had been closely "monitoring" my account while BM (who is also blocked, along with every other relation of theirs) was frantically friending some of DH's relatives. . . some she had never even met. I was actually surprised she wasn't trying to connect with my family members. She likes to lift her leg on everything.
They cannot see if you're on
They cannot see if you're on if you set your posts to just your friends.
True. Yes--unless I post
True. Yes--unless I post publicly, which I never do. I think your profile pic and/or banner pic might show up as active if you Google the person. <shrug>
I have a Facebook account,
I have a Facebook account, but only so that I can follow pages I like, which are things like nice scenery, dogs and cats and philosophy etc. I don't have Facebook friends any longer. Well done, MorningMia for getting out of that world where you can be bullied by SKIDs.
Your paragraph on holidays really resonated with me. For many years, OH and I would have one holiday per year in our own country, while BM and the SDs went abroad 2 or 3 times a year at least, plus many pop festivals. All this while, BM's narrative was that DH was being impossibly mean with money towards them - in fact he was paying her an obscene amount of CS which never would have been stipulated if they'd gone to court.
Yea, somewhat maddening, to
Yea, somewhat maddening, to say the least.
"I have a Facebook account,
"I have a Facebook account, but only so that I can follow pages I like, which are things like nice scenery, dogs and cats and philosophy etc. I don't have Facebook friends any longer."
Same. It's nice. What started as people sharing photos turned into a drama fest of long lost relatives pestering you to buy whatever product they sell (or start selling it yourself), people asking for money, and a whole lot of drama.
I have LinkedIn and FB.
I have LinkedIn and FB. Mostly to stay in contact with people. Neither is a huge time sink for me.
I send HBD messages when FB notifies me of contacts with B-days. I monitor a couple of alumni associations and message with a few classmates. Social media is not a fixation, except for STalk.
Much the same here
I closed my LinkedIn account when I retired. It was mainly a professional thing.
I have Facebook because I have friends and family all over the world and it's an easy way to keep in touch. OTOH, I am selective with it. I accepted my SIL as a FB friend for the sake of peace but have ensured she can't see anything I post. I also have deliberately no access to my daughter's account - once she was clearly a responsible person, I didn't feel the need to keep an eye on her. She's entitled to her privacy.
@Morning Mia..you probably
@Morning Mia..you probably know this already, but Been blocked still by SD now 30, since May...8 Months and Counting. *ROFL**biggrin*
Can you see how devastated I clearly am over the matter??? How have I managed to go on???? LOL. Yeah right.
I know I must have made some strides compared to years ago when I would be stressing about that. ready to feel bad enough to win her back like that. Not this time! Granted for most of the years, SD was off and on again on FB and Instagram so much..so many different accounts and then ended up with none. It was impossible to keep track of. I wasnt sure if she had any social media at all . Now I guess she back on the FB wagon. I obviously wouldnt know. I am still being "punished" by being shunned and blocked by her in that realm.
A few years back, the last time I had considered slowly starting to engage in baby steps at my SD's somewhat confusing and fake attempt to make up, so I at least accepted her latest Friend request. It didnt take long to regret that decison as I quickly reconsidered the offer at "Reconcillation", since it didnt take long for a few red flags to pop up to remind me why I stepped back. Red flags that just reminded me why I deep down, I actually felt uncomfortable and ill at ease with reuniting.
But just in the context of FB, I coudnt stand the constant negative, whiny,woe is me status updates with the astrociously painful spelling and grammar over simple words. Nor could I deal with her feeling like she had unlimited access to me and my life with her also constant Direct messages complaining about things of her own choice and all her drama which I never would have considered entertaining if she hadnt tried to get me back into the fold. So at that point, I didnt unfriend her immediately..just changed my privacy settings by blocking her here and there. Then I decided it I might as well cut the cord altogether. The funny thing is that this past year, she popped up out of nowhere with another new alternate account. Didnt mention how I was no contact on Facebook with her for a little over 2 years at this time, as if if she didnt notice or she hadnt until that day. I bet it didnt really occur to her until that day judging by the lapse of time since last contact. hence creating a new profile right then to reach out with. After over 2 years too on her end.since in that time no communication inititated from her as well. I dont know..that doesnt sound like someone who couldnt have been that serious about "being close now" as she tries to portray. So weird.
Anyway, I have also felt nothing but relief that I am blocked. Couldnt be happier. Just like with @Imperfectly, I finally told my DH about her blocking me and that I honestly how its my preference for it to stay. ( after I found out she was lamenting to DH how I wasnt willing to "grow with her" because of how I feel about her ( for good reason) .Making it clear that this was due to an action that SHE chose to take by blocking me, since she was trying to play innocent to Daddyyyyy about it and put it on me which I knew she would do, try to change her tune. I no longer even care what her intentions are, since I am not interested in running back to fix it either. Not this time.
I mean, where am I supposed to go from there after being blocked like that anyway? I promise if she tries to reach out, lift the block as if she is doing me a favor ( meanwhile her choice to instate it was the true favor) , I will block that account immediately and that will be the extent of my response. I am ready. It will be my turn then.
I think that I would go the full frontal direct route.
Just call her on it F2F and don't let her duck the conversation.
I find that these things rarely are as daunting as we tend to build them up to be before hand.
Do you. Confront them, and don't play games. Though make sure that they know that you know and make sure that anyone and everyone else knows about them as well.
Yea, I started with severely
Yea, I started with severely limiting what the skids could see, too, then decided I was not being part of the weird charade any longer. The kind of games you describe make DH crazy . . . it's why he despises social media.
I giggled over the spelling and grammar issues. :)
Yeah @LittleTypeAmy no more
Yeah @LittleTypeAmy no more fixing what we didn't break...
my FB issue wasn't my SS, it
my FB issue wasn't my SS, it was my own son who along w/ his partner got a big mad at something I'd said and both blocked me. when, after he got over himself/themselves, they asked to befriend me I made it clear that in the game of Tiaball there are only two strikes and there would be no repeat. Since I use it mostly, as CLove can tell you, to post things that amuse me, count down to baseball and discuss my Detroit Lions it is no big deal to me. In my eyes, once you've passed 30 and are heartbeats away from 40.... that shit don't fly. I don't go on line to ruin my day, only to enhance it
Good on you Mia for your epithany. I bet it feel amazing!!
I have a Facebook page
I don't post on it. Very little. Birthday post. Community news. Ect.