OT: One of my dudes …
So if you recall, I was stuck trying to decide between two dudes I was dating
Well everything was going so good with the dude I chose (thought we'd be riding off into the sunset in wedded bliss in 10 months) lol ...... until he wanted to go all the way with physical intimacy but hemmed and hawed about getting an std test
Im getting one for myself for peace of mind but I was completely turned off by his reluctance to take his and my intimate health seriously
His response was imo very immature and typical of what cluessless twenty year olds do ... and he's damn near retiree age
"oh I'm disease free"
"oh I'm very selective with partners"
"oh I had a procedure few months ago and was tested then"
"what do we need to do that for"
"trust me!"
Like ninja do you think I was born last night ??? I need to see RECEIPTS!!!
I know a lot of people have medical and health conditions so that's not what concerns me (especially if a proactive approach is involved). What concerns me is he is so thoughtful in every aspect of his life EXCEPT intimate health where he seems so far to be impulsive, immature, and reckless
So now I'm out here investing in my sexual health which is something i thought we'd do together and our time together has been put on pause until he meets me where I am with this topic
Not sure if he's testing my response, afraid of doctors (we know how men can be about doctor avoidance sometimes), or he thinks/knows he has some sexual health issue he doesn't want to face (and by default doesn't mind negatively impacting someone else life)
Either way .... my attraction to him as significantly decreased
Ughhhhh!!!! He was ideal in soooo many ways up to this point
I hope I'm wrong and he gets tested but at this point I'm not holding my breath and I'm taking care of ME right now
*Le sigh*
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Oh and forgot he had some
Oh and forgot he had some sort of condom induced impotence .... joy!
So I've pretty much drawn a hard line that no test = no physical intimacy
Yeah no. I'm not saying he's
Yeah no. I'm not saying he's got an STD. He is probably afraid of the swab in the "pee pee" to test for gonorrhea and chlamydia.
Or maybe he's afraid of needles.
Either way, he sounds like a big baby and I would hold the line on this one.
My first husband was a virgin when we met, so no tests needed. My 2nd husband had been with the same woman for 30 years prior to me, having had only one other partner before that, so I felt safe.
However, my last partner had dated and slept with at least 2 other women after his late wife of 27 years died. He said he'd never worn condoms - ever.
I was pretty active prior to my first marriage, but since 1987, I've only had 4 partners and 3 of them were my long term relationships. Still, I've had STD tests at the beginning and end of each relationship which have been clean. Going forward, I will require an STD panel before being intimate with anyone. And I will hold the line on that.
You're doing the right thing! Stick to your guns.
I certainly hope he doesn't
YES! This is how I'm rolling as well
and most guys I know don't like condoms either but in todays times we cannot afford to be out here raw without some proof of assurance
I certainly hope this guy doesn't have an STD
I can't tell you how I wish I could do him (I can tell he'd be a good lover) lol so it would deflate my fantasies ... or maybe my fantasies have already deflated bc good lovers would take care of their intimate health
But yes my irrational or maybe rational fears are taking over and this is one way I can rest assured.
He needs to go to the darn
He needs to go to the darn physician and just get it done. His response really hits a nerve and irks me. My husband can be so immature at times and it's a real turn off. I would keep my eyes open for what type of responses in general he has. Of course with this issue he needs to do it, it's not a choice at all. Women's health is important and he should care about your comfort surrounding intimacy.
Exactly those responses were
Exactly those responses were ridiculous and I'm wondering if he was trolling or just mentally gathering himself to do what he knows he needs to do
If he has condom induced
If he has condom induced impotence, he hasn't been wearing them. With Tinder and all the other apps now, he could have slept with hundreds of women.
If he has condom induced
Agreed!
mind boggling ... tinder ruining men's purity lol
Update: he said he would try
Update: he said he would try to clear his schedule to go.
We shall see.
and if he does .... best believe I'm looking over his shoulder and logging into his portal to see the results ... I don't trust a pdf that can be altered
It will be telling to see if
It will be telling to see if his attitude shifts and he can be more understanding and if he just goes out and does it with no problem. It shouldn't be a big deal. Good idea on checking. You can't be too sure when it comes to it. Things surrounding sex are a big deal to me. To feel safe and comforted and all around supported
Unless you are supper carful with condoms
And nobody is. It's not going to stop STD's. And. There's other oral activities where is hard to request putting on on. Maybe he's afraid of getting the blood test. Getting stuck ? But your health is more important .
Maybe he's afraid of getting
could be
i definitely insisted on testing for EVERYTHING not just those 4 stds that the doctors office will test for .... no I need to see the results of everything (hiv/aids, syphillis, herpes 1 & 2, gonhorrea, chlamidia, hpv, all of it ... blood tests and urine and swabs ... from the rooter to the tooter ...
As much as these men be trying to push for condom-less seggs....I'm pushing harder for testing
and you're right Harry ... caution should be used during oral activities that can also be a weak spot for stds to happen
Just to add
Herpes can be contracted even with a condom.
Hey, Lilly,
Hey, Lilly,
Gone are those halcyon 1960s/70s days of the birth control pill and ‘raw doggin’. Venereal disease was hazardous enough back then, but now, the sexually active have a frightening variety of STDs to worry about. AIDS in particular. You are very wise indeed, to insist on a medically proven, clean bill of health before stepping out of your undergarments.
Furthermore, if your current love interest is unwilling to undergo a few simple tests in order to ‘get intimate’ with a gal of your quality, he is not worthy! (To quote Wayne’s World’s Garth and Wayne.)
Exactly granny d thank you
Exactly granny d thank you
Stand strong! Good for you!
Stand strong! Good for you!
Storytime
Sit down and let me tell you a story.
I live in a VERY small town that some have called "incestuous" because, everyone has sex with everyone else at some point.
I had a friend (M) who told me that he was "interested" in a GF of mine but she refused to get tested for STD.
Another friend
who hangs with her mentioned that she had given "something" to ANOTHER friend of ours (incurable) and he was rather mad at her about it. Hes passed away, so hes not passing anything along anymore...but I have a GF who told me he was a narcissist and gave her "something".
Story #2. A GF of mine was being rather frank in late night conversation and had just broken up (again) with her on-again-off-again manchild and told me she had to go through 5 different panels of bloodwork because (oops) they had both had s@x with the same girl and she had called stating she tested positive for gonnoreah.
Id throw this one back.
Id throw this one back.
looks like I'm going to have to do just that
womp womp womp
How did I mess the Blog on the STD test request?
*give_rose**unknw*
I guess I was not paying attention.
Safety is critical for both people at relationship kickoff. So get the swab, or be gone, or... no glove no love and wrap it before you tap it.
Body count may be important, or it may not be critical. It depends on the perspectives of each in the maybe couple.
Clean bill of health is an absolute requirement IMHO. I was burgeoning sexually at the magic point towards the end of the sexual revolution and before the major onset of AIDS where with the exception of Herpes, a shot to the rump took care of any happy ending bugs. With the advent of HIV control protocol meds even that is not necessarily a life sentence as long as the person maintains treatment and maintains as undetectable HIV wise.
The only rest or your life Sexually Transmitted Condition (Note I did not say disease) is..... kids. It can be caught via marriage even if we have none of our own or if ours have been successfully raised and launched.
Do not do this to Lilly. ..... Lilly.
Take care of you.