I have heard:

 "Her and BM are two peas in a pod."

"SD is exactly like her Mom."

"SD has zero drive."

Yeah, my DH87 sees SD63's dysfunction.  He tells her to her face, :You're a loser".  Of course, that doesnt stop him saving her all the time.

They know. Absolutely!

My DH went through a phase around 13 yrs ago, of referring to the SDs as "my vile daughters".  It was done in jest, but I felt there was a grain of truth in that he recognised how utterly unreasonable they both were. They were then in their mid teens. I am now estranged from SD29, and recently gave (because he asked about it) him a book I'd bought, about borderline personality disorder.  He read it and concluded that she has it, but still has her on a pedestal, IMO.  He's terrified of losing either of them, and gives bad behaviour a pass because of this. 

My DH is slowly seeing the writing on the wall. Waaayyy less talking about how GRAND they are. He used to tell me one adult SKID was over 6 feet 5 inches tall ! When in reality the SKID is below 6 feet- I would just draw him back to reality when the SKID would show up and make it evident that is NOT the case. Then there was the "they are TOO smart for higher education" phase...now that they are grown adults it's easy to see where we were at their ages and where they are- hard to fight th elogic that we were busting our butts at that age and they are scraping by with low ambitions. Time seems to be the see-er of truth and is humbling his grand thoughts. It still comes out of nowhere at times but we'll see. 

I also have noticed these tiny little glimmers that might tell me that DH might not have his head up his ass about SD29 as much as I think. There might be some hope yet.  

I thought I was reading too much into it, but some subtle little slips have popped out fof  him that does make me wonder just a little. ..

When asked if we have children, DH usually just has very very short answers ( not much more than two or three words:

"I just have one" (DH"  Its getting harder to ignore that SD is a carbon copy just like her crazy BM, makking all the same poor life choices to a tee. Nothing much to be too proud of to be honest 

When asked how SD29 and her Mini Mes are doing " They're fine"  Things like that , not there is alot  positive things to report t about SD for the most part . or at least not much to Brag about. Hate to say it, but thats a cold hard fact. I think DH ( and by extension some of the inlaws know this at their core, but just dont want to admit it nor admit that they are in any sort of denial.  Nor do they wish to be reminded ( by me), but hiding from the truth doesnt negate it, hate to break it to them if they still have any delusions. 

Over the summer, he was talking with one of his buddies who said that they do not want to have any kids. Maybe it was the Twisted Tea talking, but out of left field, DH blurts out that if his buddy had one, then  he might end up wishing he didnt. I wanted to ask DH what he meant by that, but I refrained. Subconscious slip perhaps????

I am not saying I want  him to resent his kids and grandkids, not saying he doesnt love them nor am I doing anything to prevent that  but also cant help but notice how he doesnt overly fawn over them much or post alot bragging about them on Facebook. If at all.. cant call up the last time he ever did..,,its that rare. . He has more pictures of our dog and cat, and his profile is of The Dog.  ( not to brag myself but we have the cutest little 8 lbs tiny but might Chihuhuha and our kitty is so sweet so how  can anyone not love them? I for one love my pets a zilliion times more than the Skids hands down. No contest. ) Shit, id donate an organ, leave them my assetts if I could. Anything so my darling SKID princess gets NOTHING from me. hahahahahahah

Actually, when our tiny dog was feeling ill, DH proclaimed that he would donate one of his kidneys to the pup if  he were able to. Couldnt help that SD or her little fuck trophies were not even mentioned. Not saying he wouldnt be willing for them but still..not one word about them. Another sublte slip?  I know it sounds so evil but for some reason that made me  cant help but supress a big old grin and try not to laugh.  

Even so when I let myself imagine SD being all butthurt since Im sure she is resentful of the attention our pets get assuming she is still lurking on Facebook on Dh;s page. .Especially if she ever caught wind that our Dog would be in line to be considered for DH;s organs if that were possible . I know thats horrible to say.  Hell, she might want to kick the dog and cat if she thought she could get away with it ( which she wouldnt, dont ask me what I would do if that went down)  I mean she still has this attitude that she has to be Put First so she could be seething with jealousy. Can see that semi permanent sour pouty face of hers scowling over that now as I write this. lol 

What else now that I am on a roll, . One time when my In Laws were visiting from Florida, they  had car trouble  leaving their vehicle out of commission while getting that fixed. Granted thats stressful enough to deal with especially while having traveled so far out of state. Well, SD ( who was still an adult at the time) didnt get that memo, since all she cared about how SHE wAS Inconvienced since that my In Laws were supposed to give her a ride ( didnt have a car..not anything new and still didnt have her license then either) and now they obviously werent able to since their effing car was OUT OF ORDER. ( Take the BUS, SD, you know that big boxy thing with the wheels)  This time, I couldnt help but point that out to DH, that this situation wasnt about HER needs and was acting like she was just out for herself ( which she was) and need I remind  him that his parents needed assistant with Transportation instead since they had a bigger problem than being SD's chauffers ( duhhh) , He actually agreed and said "Yeah, I know" without an argument ensuing. There really was no use denying that she was being a total JERK. That was another ray of some hope that he sees the light at least a little bit every now and then,. 

My DW will occasionally say that she is going to put a hit out on SS if he does not call. Nothing major from an epiphany perspective since SS is a pretty good adult, strong character, a man of standing in his community and his profession.

The big one was a comment by SpermGrandHag.

SpermGrandHag who railed against my DW and me for decades while paying SS's CS and travel costs for her idiot son shocked the shit out of me with her response to SS when he told her that he had asked me to adopt him and that the adoption had  been finalized. "I am glad that you have had a good man to be your father."

That had to be the most difficult epiphany for the Hag and hardest thing that she has ever said.  

She knew damned well the whole time how big of a POS her son is as she was invested in the lies, manipulations, and PASing that she targeted us and SS with for the 20 years we dealt with her prior to SS-32 asking me to adopt him at 22yo.

It has been 10yrs and it still drops my jaw to think about her comment.  Sadly, she had nauseated SS to such an extent by then that there has been little to no interface with any of them since then.

They know! There's a vast difference in knowing and the ability to verbalize the knowledge though. The knowledge creeps out here and there in (not so surprising) comments.

Recently we were watching t.v. and something about bankruptcy was mentioned. Out of the blue DH commented something to the effect of "that's how OSD and BM view life". Eye opening for sure. He also acknowledges that BM (and her mother) and OSD mooch off men...for a living. Yuck!

One time he even told me that my kids were "better" than his. I had never said anything to that effect, but yes, they absolutely are. They were not coddled. Both were gifted academically and they were encouraged to reach high and meet their potential; expectations of performance reflected their abilities. Standards of kindness and respect were modeled and expected to be followed. If needed, they were disciplined with love. I took/take my job as a parent seriously because it is the most important job I will ever have.

If he acknowledge his kids are jerks... Then he would have to do something. Like parent his kids.  And may find out his kids will not come over.  Covering up for them.  He keeps his Happy Family...he has to do nothing.   And he get to take his kids to McDonald for Happy Meals.  To show the world or prople there.  He doing a good job

These bio parents deep down know they have a sideshow parenting operation

Now whether they admit it (highly unlikely) because then they'd have to face the truth that they have to improve their parenting / coparenting or admit they've sucked you into something you don't deserve to be dealing with.