Mendez Brothers...anybody else watching? Does it freak you out a bit?
Hello all,
I am NOT a paranoid person but I finished the Mendez brothers series on Netflix...there were some scary parrallels that I see at times. This is not influenced by the series - I have been observing this for years. For the record I have adult SKIDs, but these behaviors also showed up when they were kids.
Behaviors such as:
LOCKING my bedroom door because sometimes a slight fear enters my mind that I am in a bit of danger with the SKIDs. No one has actually attacked me but it still enters my mind sometimes.
No emotion towards or understanding of other people's emotions - they feel deeply for themselves but not for others and especially not for me. When something very sad has happened in the past (just a few over all these years) they really do not care about my feelings nor do I think they understand these emotions. It's weird.
The discussion that gets brought up about DH and my death - happened on christmas day one year and every ONCE and awhile one of them wants to discuss inheritance. It always sends a chill down my spine.
I find myself repeatedly wanting to disincentive wanting to kill me - telling them nobody is getting anything if DH & I get murdered, not watching crime shows when they are around or anything violent, etc.
I've caught them looking at me as if I was an object or seeing through me as if I were gone they'd get what they want (it's a definite stare that I recognize now.)
I also don't eat anything they cook or make - It's weird almost instinctual but I just keep thinking it could be really easy to put something in there and have me gone. I don't say anything about this, but I do think it.
Have you had some of these thoughts? Maybe I am paranoid but I do think they view me as an obstacle in the way of what they feel entitled to and likely have thoughts about how to get rid of me since I don't seem to be going away on my own.
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That's really creepy. I have
That's really creepy. I have thought that Little Idiot probably doesn't have these ideas ... yet ... but when she gets older and starts to see her father decline? How will she act? Will she question what's in the will? I don't know. It's very scary being a stepmom. The reality is most stepchildren have no loyalty to us and when we are standing the way of them and money... who knows? Especially if they are desperate. At the very least I worry about the drama they might try to stir up when it comes to inheritance.
Aboslutely no loyalty to us
Absolutely no loyalty to us whatsoever no matter how good we've been, how our actions have showed stability & care and how many years we've been in their lives.
That IS creepy! I don't see
That IS creepy! I don't see the skids enough/spend enough time around them to witness (or not) that kind of behavior. A theme, though, as you & AlmostGone allude to, is that I have witnessed that they tend to view us as objects--not as people. And that is definitely something that makes it easier for a demented person to commit a crime/become violent, etc.
We've tightened up our wills but I still expect trouble if something happens to DH before me.
It's sad: Other people in (and out) of our lives who don't like us, or who even hate us, don't stick around or hover out there in the dark shadows like skids (especially the adults) do. They're like a bad odor you can't fully escape from.
IP: How often are your skids around?
Now that they are adults -
Now that they are adults - not that much! But 1 SKID visits for holidays and stays over and the other visits but because of my gut feelings we rent him a hotel room to stay. When we lived close there was a lot of hovering probably 1-2 times a month they'd hover. The description of a dark shadow is right - I've had one friend and one family member in separate instances warn me that somethings "off" with one of them and to never be alone with that one. I've followed that advice.
"because of my gut feelings
"because of my gut feelings we rent him a hotel room to stay. When we lived close there was a lot of hovering probably 1-2 times a month they'd hover."
Wait, you don't mean they would physically be hovering over you as you slept.....?!
Thanks for the clarification
Thanks for the clarification rumple- NO they would NOT be hovering over my bed, if that happened I would really be upset and a clear violation of my space. However, I have had some issues with one of the SKIDs "hiding" and watching which I thought the SKID would grow out of as an adult. Quite literally I would walk in the house and they would be in a closet or behind a couch just watching and once I would get settled they'd scream or yell and pop out of hiding spot. After years of this I became super jumpy and when they were old enough to move out I felt very relieved. But NO, no standing over the bed just hovering as in coming around.
That's still a violation,
That's still a violation, though. My SO's son, from the ages of 8 to 11, would see me coming to the door and would hide around the corner somewhere along where i would walk in the house. At some point he would jump right out in front of me, like in my face, and scream "SURPRISE!" at the top of his lungs, but with sort of a mean face. Creeped me the fk out. At this time, he seems to actually be correcting himself as far as his behavior goes, at age 14. But because of those amd some other behaviors when he was young, i wouldn't babysit him.
I also had to start locking doors because he walked in on me unclothed. More than once.
Horrible and yes you're right
Horrible and yes you're right it's a violation. To be honest, some of these SKIDs are not so "innocent."
Not having a connection with
Not having a connection with your skid and thinking they are going to poison you.. kind of two different things.. but do you really feel that they are capable of that kind of activity?
ESMOD I always appreciate
ESMOD I always appreciate your perspective - it's wildly different than mine but nonetheless logical and makes sense. Couple items: first the history of SKIDs and I growing up is simple- my GOAL was to be the best, stable, kindest, nicest stepmom that existed on the planet. Only very simple rules, not a ton of chores (if any) were enforced, tried to buy their love by working extra hard to get them the things and places they wanted to go and was an effervescent well of love for about 10+ years. Then I got exhausted by giving and never recieving and began to open my eyes when they were in adulthood that their behavior was HORRIBLE. When I say horrible - I drove the worst vehicle in the family and they would literally sit around the table and poke fun at it and laugh at it. The IRONY of why they had safe and better vehicles was because not only DH but MYSELF PAID for their vehicles - and when I say vehicles they had 3 for 2 boys. When these kids became adult males and this behavior continued I realized they were not outgrowing this stuff...one of them got moderately better but the other one did not. Sometimes I slip into my old role of caring, loving and wanting to do for them but they are very quick to disrespect me or treat me indifferently - exteremly abusive cycle and I typically realize it quicker and get off the train. My more recent posts have been my journey of disengagement, the REDISCOVERY of my needs, and not making myself last. I don't have a connection in the sense that I don't try to do much for them now but that doesn't mean that they don't show up to things, push for me to get them things and treat me poorly. The only difference is now I don't place myself on the altar of stepmarydom as Rags would say. The shift has been healthy and very good for me. But the behaviors that are concerning are still exhibited and the weird gut reactions I have to lock my door etc tell me there is still something OFF about our dynamic.
I was just watching a
I was just watching a documentary about a young woman who killed her boyfriend's mother. Poisoned her... no other reason than than she was trying to hurt her ex and frame him for the murder. It was in a small town and many people knew this young woman and said they never would have thought her capable. She was interviewed extensively in the documentary (despite loads of clear cut evidence against her, she claims she's innocent). She does indeed sound very normal, quiet and sane. But you can tell there's something ... just a little something... off about her. So if your gut is telling you to be worried, listen to it.
Also, it seems to me that people in this country are getting more and more unhinged and morally bankrupt. There's a sickness... and quite frankly I keep my circle of trusted people small.
AlmostGone834 YES- the one
AlmostGone834 YES- the one that feels "off" is a victim of life- he's quiet, always watching things, and when he does speak most of the time he is lieing. He lies about really really important things straight to his dad's face and doesn't flinch. Yes a family and a friend both warned me that they felt deeply uncomfortable for me and that I need to steer clear. Learning about the docu you watched I believe it - if the SKID ever showed up at my doorstep unannounced I would not answer the door - I am quite serious. I already don't let him stay at the house because there's something up and even if I can't put my finger on it I would rather just be safe. In one of the last scenese of the Mendez series on Netflix the parents take their two adult boys fishing - while the mom and dad are laughing and having a good time, the boys are in the back plotting their deaths. I totally felt that and thought "wow this could be DH and I" whereas most people would think that is so out of reality and unrelatable.
I actually started out a bit
I actually started out a bit more "gung ho" myself.. but when the girls ended up having to deal with a bunch of crap from their mom when I would do nice things for them.. buy them stuff.. I dialed that way back. I never really tried to be the "mom" in stepmom.. more of dad's wife.. and cohead of household.. so they knew I was in charge like dad.. and we didn't have many expectations for them either.. but they were encouraged to do well in school.. be civil and polite.. not do stupid stuff.. not be destructive.
Fortunately.. esp the YSD has grown into decent women.. they are not perfect.. heck I'm not.. haha. but we have an ok relationship. If their dad wasn't around any more.. I would probably maintain contact with the younger.. but not as close with her older sister.
I would not want people around me that I felt I couldn't turn my back on.. that must be difficult.. esp after all your efforts. It's a shame your DH allowed them to ridicule you.
Yep - you got the message and
Yep - you got the message and pulling back made sense. I kept getting the message and trying different ways to be a positive influence in their life. But now everybody is an adult and I made the shift. And here's where our situations are WILDLY alike
- I too get along better with one than the other & I would likely stay in some brief contact with younger SKID, but older SKID has me worried. It's very difficult and my gut is screaming at me when SKID enters the house- WATCH OUT. Yep, DH should have been saving the day on that and not allow them ridcule me but somehow he has a magical way of not hearing or listening to the terrible things they say and do - it's as if he has some sort of inability to recognize the disrespect. I've given up trying to have him see this - my attitude now I ONLY bring up the stuff that impacts me directly finanically or my peace in the home - that is all. Everything else I've learned to let go. thanks for this ESMOD.
These kids get the poor SK
Story so offen. Poor SK, broken family, going to to Homes. Parents fighting over them. Parents buying the kids love. So why not. Should these kids feel special. So special that they don't have to be human. Mendez Brothers. Just tooked it a little far.
'That's why you have to get these kids out of your home ASAP. Sleep away college or a apartment.. Make your will. Leve your money to someone who deserves it. Not SK
Harry, wise words. Thank you.
Harry, wise words. Thank you. The feelings of superiority, extra specialness and entitlement are rampant in these stepfamily dynamics. SKIDs typically view the stepparent as simply something to take from and never consider their feelings. In fact the mere discussion of my death right in front of me was so transactional and they didn't care even the least bit that I might be uncomfortable with an open discussion of my death and what happens to x,y, and z when stepmom is dead. It's like they are waiting for it...patiently but WHEN is the demand ?! And what do we get??
You have a good point
You have a good point
Cause when you think about it IF these skids (or even bios) decide to off you .... most likely they'll end up in juvenile detention with a slap on the wrist since "they're kids"
Me personally - I don't like kids free ranging in my house late night for this reason. You ain't gotta go to sleep but you best take a snack and water bottle and go to your room and stay there.
These kids ain't offing me in my sleep.
Also I let it be known those kids try to harm me/take me out then I'm going into full self defense mode.
ME TOO- my SKIDs are adults.
ME TOO- my SKIDs are adults. I was fairly concerned about it when they were growing up with the strange behaviors and questions they would ask...it felt as if they felt my life was not important, my existence was less than theirs. I know that sounds weird and absurd but it was in the way they acted and the inquiries about my death at dinners or casual conversation. They are very very focused on what they are getting and at one point one of the SKIDs thought I would die when he finished college and told me "It's all working out perfectly. I promise I'll finish college, then I'll move in the house and split inheritance with other SKID fairly." My mouth dropped open - first assumption that I was going die convenintly when he finished college. SECOND the assumption that somehow my hard earned savings was assumed to go to him (NO, it's not.) YIKES! Full defense mode here too.
Spawn lived with us full time
Spawn lived with us full time, as she got older and her hatred towards me and my kids became more obvious, I did reach a special level of paranoia that she and Meth Mouth would try to hurt me or my kids. Everybody I knew would dismiss my fears as unfounded and ridiculous. It wasn’t until recently DH and I had a discussion and he admitted he never though his daughter was capable of hurting us, I told him that was never my fear, my fear was she lived in our house and could wait until we were asleep and open the door for her mom or any of her drug addict friends to come do whatever they wanted. You could totally see DH realize yeah that was an actual valid fear, asshole!
Your DH is a asshole and
Your DH is a asshole and SELFISH - YEP, my SKIDs loved to bring home people who were homeless and drag in people they had tangental connections with and then try to force me to have these people live indefinetly with us. Many of them having very very strange or not so good backgrounds. I finally got so frayed by all this stuff that I told DH - I NEED TO FEEL SAFE. All I can deal with right now is the SKIDs, I cannot deal with random people they befriend and bring to the house. One time one SKID brought an adult male whom was homeless and I came home to a homelss MAN in my house kicking his feet up and believing he was there as long as he needed. WILD.
It seems that the rescue
It seems that the rescue projects are the high risk candidates for this kind of thing.
As for Wills, my parents have always been the ones to have periodic family meetings between them, me, and my brother to review their Will and assets. We don't ask, They have done this since I was in my teens. Not sure what this is indicative of on the lock the door to the bedroom at night scale.
We never had this type of thing with SS. A quiet brooding phase in his mid to late teens, but nothing indicating a Menindez condition by any means.
Lucky @Rags - I don't know..
Lucky @Rags - I don't know...I could be reading into things but my gut tells me to watch my back. Wills and reviewing with parents are fine if it is their decision to do it. My situation is typically asking when I might pass or an assumption I will pass at a certain time and then wanting to discuss what they will inherit. It's weird and it's wrong.
I also want to note I am really healthy and in great shape so it's not as if this is on the near horizon.
Without going into details...
... I had the same vibe. Didn't trust xSS or most of his friends. He knew what I had locked away inside my "Self Defense Storage Unit" and the thought occurred to me he was probably bragging to friends about those weapons... and their little transactional stoner Grand Theft Auto brains might devise a plan. Real glad I moved out of state and none of them have any clue where I live.
Yes, I watch True Crime and I've read The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker. Gonna go with my gut every time, and encourage everyone here to do the same.
Ohhhh I will read that book
Ohhhh I will read that book too. This is going to sound a little outrageous but because of all this stuff they did my therapist diagnosed me with complex PTSD. I thought she was kidding and that I was just a soft sensitive snowflake until she recited the symptoms. I agree- don't let them know where you are. Our gut response is usually spot on.
I haven't watched that show
I don't enjoy that type of show but considering that YSD25 physically attacks her own BM and sister, I do not feel safe being alone around her. I avoid her as much as possible. She is emotionally delayed and emotionally volatile.
Yep if she's physically
Yep if she's physically attacking her blood I can't even imagine if she went for you as the stepmom- there would be NO mercy. You're right to steer clear. Now that the SKIDs are adult males (25 & 26) - one in particular I really avoid to some extent because of that weird spidey sense. He's never done anythign physical but there's somethign really off about his behaviors and mental health- considering I am an easy target, I too, am staying out of the way.
I havent watched this show as
I havent watched this show as of yet, although I had been taking it in into consideration.
Honestly, SD29 hasnt ever physically harmed me ( the emotional component has been more of her angle) Nor has she had any ideas of going to such lengths as the Menendez Bros to make sure I am out of the picture. THAT I Know of.
However , that doesnt mean that she isnt capable of having those kind of thoughts cross her troubled mind and not to say that she never will down the line. I also still have reasons to not put much of antying past her. SD has been diagnosed with Bipolar for one thing. Therefore. I have been the target of and witnessed some of her unpredictable, emotionally reactive and irriational roller coaster ride to also have the same instincts as you do leading to the inability to trust her anymore. I have the same difficulty ignoring those myself even though she has been in one of her "nice"cycles acting too focused on whether I get a close with her or not from here on out.
Its actually this Nice Streak Act that is making me even more wary than when she was acting out in a more outwardly disrespectful manner. Its actually scary in its own way since recently, she now has this mindset that I NOW should feel like I owe her whatever she needs just because I married her dad, as she put it. You bet that statement alone has my guard up just as much as anything else would. Even though she attempted recently to walk that back, now trying to say that she "dont want nothing" from me. Which is a lie, since experience has shown That doesnt mean she never had or never will again. I feel pretty if not totally sure that she partly said that to DH just to try to look Innocent for Dadddyyyyy and bitch how mean old SM isnt trying but SD is! hahahah
Therefore, it has me thinking that if she is demanding my attention with such urgency and entitlement now. then what else is she going to expect or demand one day? There is also the fact of how low she has stoopped out of sheer desperation for money, love and acceptance. I now know the kind of circles she runs around with to further send my gut feelings on alert. You just feel these things for a reason, dont forget that.
Experience and wisdom in this
Experience and wisdom in this post @littletypeAmy- thank you. Your SD is bipolar- omg....talk about STRESSFUL. I agree...it's "nice periods" that have me worried - when the SKIDs are being passive agreessive and angry at me my response it- status normal. But when they get out of that pattern and are suddenly nice I trust NOTHING. Gut feelings are to be trusted- even if they seem extreme.
Menedez Anyone ?
My SKIDS are loosing their minds over how much will be left to them . The SD and SS are literally under the impression that they are owed something . Their father , my husband has not been able to work for the last five years due Addison's Disease , an Aeortic Aneurysm and a 12 hour back surgery a to name a few but the SS/SD decided that they were owed money when we sold some property that my husband inherited and maintained for the last 20 years . They have contributed NOT one dime to maintanence but feel their are owed money.
The son said literally ,in no uncertain terms , stated that his father owed him money to pay down his house or retirement ...he is 35 years old .The daughter states that she wants money to buy a home in NYC . My husband and his kids are estranged due to their greediness, but the daughter who I know is the one stirring the pot , is trying to weasel her way back in to cut her brother off.
The real alarm came when the son stated that his father "had taken everything away from him ." It stopped me in my tracks with that comment . I am not an alarmest but people do crazy things when money is involved and my gut feeling is that my SS is so desperate for money that he and his sister would stop at nothing to obtain it .
We have a will and trust ,and he has made them the beneficiaries when the last one dies ...but they want their money NOW !
Menendez issue maybe , maybe not but trust your gut and protect yourself ...I certainly am ! I have shared with only two people that should anything happen to us , look at those two .
I finally got around to
I finally got around to getting through the first two episodes so far. I also normally wouldnt call myself someone who is ultra paronoid either, but I still get these gut feelings. I agree that dealing with death and money issues can do some strange things to people and you never know how some will react when the time comes. Especially when I also have an adult SD who has issues with being emotionally stable, so that alone, is enough for me to watch my back too. No lie I also had this thought that I should suggest to people that if something should happen to me, .that .they call SD29 out as a person of interest.
Shared with a couple of
Shared with a couple of trusted people "if anything happens to us, look at those two." I did the same. Quite literally @yogared. I also deal with the entitlement garbage...when we sold our house there was an indirect expectation that the sale money was going to buy one of the adult SS's a house. Like why not?! You guys can go back to renting while I use YOUR hard earned money to buy a home. He didn't flat say THAT but what he did do was constantly ask "So...when are you closing on the house?" Followed by, "you know my wife and I really need to get settled. Renting is a hardship." "We started a family, how are YOU creating generational wealth?"
Thought this in my head: You know what buddy...your a full grown adult male with decision making authority to get married, start a family, vote, treat us like crap...SO you can also take on your own individual responsibility of affording yourself and the children you create.
When we didn't take the "hints" than he wallows in self pity, ex-communicates me/us, and crawls back into the shadows. He'll sulk for about 6 months and then come back and start prying about our finances again. Yucky cycle. I also want to note that I don't have a controlling BM in the pic- this is squarely on the SKIDs.