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The Summer of Suck

ICanMakeIt's picture

Submitted by ICanMakeIt on Wed, 09/18/2024 - 11:54am

Its been a hot minute since I've been on. 

5/28 I posted about my mom being on hospice and my sister's cancer dx timeline being shortened. Thank you all for your replies at the time. I'm sorry I did not get back to everyone, my sister passed on 6/11 at 46 years old.

Mom is still doing pretty well on hospice, so we feel lucky in that sense.

My sister passed on a Tuesday. SD arrived Friday for her abbreviated Summer visit with my husband who had recently changed jobs and was working nights.The timing was ..... at first I thought dreadful. It ended up being a welcomed distraction from my grief as much as it could be.

3 weeks with SD flew by. I found myself searching for the next distraction once she was gone and luckily my husband went back to day shift. 

Next weekend is my sister's birthday (1st heavenly b'day). We are renting a beach house for the weekend with a butterfly release and just a chill vibe with friends and family dropping in and out during the weekend for food/drinks etc.

We don't have SD again until Christmas. My sister's death has certainly had an effect on me in many ways. As far as blended life, suddenly nothing seems as important. Neither my husband nor I have fight left in us it seems . SD doesn't return a call, oh well. SD doesn't send a 1st day of school pic even after being asked ahead of time...oh well. In a way I think I'm still numb and I know for sure I haven't processed it....I'm all about distracting myself from the ugliness and last week memories in the hospital with my sister. Nothing else really matters as much as it did before if that makes sense. I guess in a way its a good thing. I've released a lot of useless time and energy spent on people that don't seem to think about us as much as we do them. 

Sorry for the meandering thoughts. I hope everyone had a better Summer and Step life is making at least incremental improvements for you.  

 

Comments

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Wed, 09/18/2024 - 3:46pm

I remember when my mother passed how certain stressful things no longer affected me. My give-a-crap-meter was 'offline'. Losing her made mortality almost tangible. 

The meandering thoughts are natural. Be gentle with yourself. {{{{HUGS}}}}

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Wed, 09/18/2024 - 4:15pm

Your sister was so young and I can tell you were close.  My sister died early, too, though we weren't as close as you and your sister were.  Mine was 10 years younger, a big gap, plus our personalities were different and her last 15 years were distorted by physical and mental illness.  Regardless, I still think if her daily, mostly thinking what I could have done differently. It doesnt sound like you need to worry about that, you did everything possible.

I'm laughing ( kindly) at your statement about releasing your time and energy from people who don't care anyway.  How very true.

I'm glad your mom is doing well.  All best wishes.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Thu, 09/19/2024 - 10:41am

Im so sorry for your loss.

Thank you for the updates.

The numbness and the not really caring about little things, a natural outcropping for what you have been going through.

Take care of yourselves...

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 09/19/2024 - 11:25pm

I am so sorry for your loss and for your mom  being in Hospice.

I do understand getting to the end of the give a shit rope about the toxic elements of blended family life. Most of us in the blended family world do.

Take care of you and enjoy celebrating your sister's B-day at the coast with friends, family, and the butterflies.  Enjoy the 3mos of reduced SKid/blended family drama before the Holidays.

Take care of you.