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Seriously, open up your eyes

RockyRoads's picture

Submitted by RockyRoads on Wed, 09/11/2024 - 4:44pm

I am wondering what is going to happen this weekend when I don't go to senior night. I have toured several apartments and townhomes. I am sure it is going to get ugly. But anyway today SO wanted to pick up SS from practice because he hasn't seen him. That is not an issue but the issue is that SS said I will let you pick me up if you take me to the store and buy me(and it is something for sports , I am not sure ) because I stopped listening. So now in order for your dad to see you he has to buy you something. My goodness. Time for me to buy something for myself on his card.

Comments

Yesterdays's picture

Submitted by Yesterdays on Wed, 09/11/2024 - 6:50pm

That is really gross that the kids use him like that in such an obvious way, too! Disgusting behavior. Of course it should be shut down and not tolerated but it seems like he will do anything for those kids even if it is ultimately bad for them and him. If he does nothing then nothing will change. Their behavior is escalating as they take advantage of him more and more. It's awful that they do it and it's awful that he allows it. He doesn't realize that's not a real relationship with them... They are using him for money and rides 

Yesterdays's picture

Submitted by Yesterdays on Wed, 09/11/2024 - 6:49pm

Good for you for standing your ground on not going. Maybe you can take yourself to dinner or buy yourself something nice. 

RockyRoads's picture

Submitted by RockyRoads on Wed, 09/11/2024 - 7:45pm

I am so worried about what might happen. He brought up going tonight and last night. I just have walked away and didn't acknowledge it.  It starts while I am still at work. He is going to call me at work asking my why I am not home to go and then it will escalate. I will get blamed for ruining the entire evening for him. Ugh

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Thu, 09/12/2024 - 6:26am

Instead of walking away.. just tell him.  "DH, I told you I am not going.. so I don't need to discuss this any more with you ok?"

It will be more of a ruined evening if it all blows up that night.. I would pull the bandaid off now.

RockyRoads's picture

Submitted by RockyRoads on Thu, 09/12/2024 - 7:29am

I have told him several times I am not going and it causes a huge fight every time. I am worn down from it. I just didn't tell him the last two nights.  Why bring that upon myself again.  If he says it again tonight I will say something. But I just hat all of the anger and then sadness he throws at me for it.  Yes I might look like the bad guy when I don't show tomorrow but I don't care. And if anyone asks me why I wasn't there I will say I had previous plans. I won't say the truth to anyone else.  Becuse that what this family does, no one knows what truthfully goes on. 

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Thu, 09/12/2024 - 2:15am

Don't pick up when he calls and say you had to work this crushing over time.  Ah yes, ye olde buying the skids love.   That always works out. NOT!

RockyRoads's picture

Submitted by RockyRoads on Thu, 09/12/2024 - 7:32am

When he starts calling I will just text him back and say I told you I wasn't going and I am not , there will be no further discussion.  And it is not like he will have to sit by himself. His cousin and his wife will be there so he can sit by them.  This is definitely a parent event for people who have been in their kids lives. Not for me who really doesn't know the kids.  

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Thu, 09/12/2024 - 9:11am

There no need to go to every event that anybody cooks up.  Senior night , jr night. 6 to grade night .  You dint want to be near BM. what's so hard to understand.  You will attend graduation, and wedding, birth of GK . AND that's it  maybe

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Thu, 09/12/2024 - 9:34am

If he calls when you're at work, do not answer. Eventually respond with a text message. "I'm working." "No."

I find his behavior worrisome. Please have your phone charged and with you at all times. Is there someone you can check in with twice a day at set times who will ask police to do a wellness check if you do not respond within a specific timeframe?

RockyRoads's picture

Submitted by RockyRoads on Thu, 09/12/2024 - 11:03am

I do have someone that I can be in contact with. Also if I see there might be a real issue there is security where I work and they can stop him from coming to my office if I ask. Also the door is locked to where my companies office is so he can't get in.  

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Thu, 09/12/2024 - 12:45pm

Good. My main concern is outside of your work. You're vulnerable in your home, car, etc. Please be cautious and aware.

RockyRoads's picture

Submitted by RockyRoads on Thu, 09/12/2024 - 1:15pm

I don't think he would physically abuse me. I do think I am in for alot of verbal abuse.He has just started on me about it again on the phone . Insisting I go. I told him no and don't ask again. He got mad and hung up. Now he is texting and pleading with me that ,he can't do this alone , this is for our family.  Plus now SS is sick and SO has to take him to the doctors tonight. I guess BM is busy with her step child. I said if he is sick why isn't he going now. Well because if he misses school today or tomorrow he can't be on the field for the game tomorrow night. If he is sick he shouldn't be playing in a game. What crappy parenting from both of them. And SO proceeded to say he is upset because he has to take SS and he doesn't want to get sick from him. All of all of it is so messed up. I thought it would get easier since they don't stay with us and they are older. But one problem stops and another one starts.  Kudos to all step parents who have it easier. And I feel for the ones who have it worse.

StepUltimate's picture

Submitted by StepUltimate on Fri, 09/13/2024 - 1:22am

He's rotating through the Rage, Pity, Charm cycle, assuming one (or a combo) of those will get you to go.

Keep using the Broken Record Technique, and don't get sucked into arguing or explaining yourself (=which refreshes his opportunity to argue, command, plead, guilt-trip, etc.). Broken Record:

  • "No, I"m not going."
  • "No, I told you I'm not going."
  • "I already told you why I'm not going."
  • "Nevertheless, I am not going."
  • "I'm not arguing or discussing, I'm simply not going."
  • "NOT. GOING."
  • "Nope, still not going."
  • "En Oh Tee - Gee Oh Eye En Gee"
  • "Yo no voy a ir"
  • "Je n'y vais pas"

Sorry for the incomplete list; couldn't find a "Translate to D*ckhead language" website.

Biggrin

RockyRoads's picture

Submitted by RockyRoads on Fri, 09/13/2024 - 5:33am

Once he got home. He was all over me about going. He did the full range of emotions, the whole guilt trip, the manipulation.  I was doing just like what  you said and had to repeat it dozens of times. He went from making me feel like a terrible person to pleading with me to the silent treatment.   He says I am Not being fair and this is special to him and SD and I am going to make things bad for her. Then he changed it to we have to do things we don't want to for family and then when he was at his pleading stage it was asking me to go because he wants me there.   What ever the reason it doesn't matter . I don't want to go and I shouldn't be the bad person for making  decisions about what I want. 

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Fri, 09/13/2024 - 8:35am

Does he understand that you are not family to them? That you are only dad's wife? That you have never been treated like family? Does he even understand that his daughter didneven want HIM there  so why would she have been,happy to see you?

Boy oh boy oh boy, if ever a man needed counselling/therapy, its this one.