SS12 Got A Cell Phone
SS12 told us he was getting a cell phone at Christmas, but during our call tonight, he told us he got one on Labor Day after leaving our house. Surprised he didn't mention anything for almost a week despite us calling last week. He happily took down our phone numbers, adding them to his contacts, and sending a text to both DH and I.
I asked what happened to the GPS tracking smartwatch. He said they turned it in when they bought the phone. Thank God, although I'm sure BM and GF will have a tracking app on the phone so it will likely make no difference.
I am hoping this phone doesn't become an issue with visits. I worry that BM and GF will be blowing up his phone when he's here. On the flip side, SS having a phone allows us more access to SS when he is at BMs. It'll be nice to have a bit more contact than 30 minutes twice per week.
DH emailed BM since she failed to mention it at all, which isn't surprising since she failed to ever mention the smartwatch they kept texting and tracking us with. DH asked BM how she would like to proceed with our twice weekly calls, whether we will still coordinate via BM or just call SS directly. DH also asked if SS will have social media we will need to monitor during our visits or if BM will have monitoring software on the device. I'm curious to know what the answers will be.
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How did the Labor Day visit go? I have been waiting for an
How did the Labor Day visit go? I have been waiting for an update! I hope it went as well as summer. I also hope the cell phone turns out to be a positive.
Labor Day was okay. SS ended
Labor Day was okay. SS ended up getting sick for most of it and instead of telling DH or I that he didn't feel well, SS texted BM on his smartwatch and BM texted DH. DH had a firm conversation with SS about notifying the parent he's with, stating that it doesn't make sense to tell BM first when he is at our house because BM is 4 hours away and can't do anything. DH explained that we and/or SS would obviously tell BM about SS being sick, but SS needs to be communicating with us about issues in our home so we can address them. BM also mentioned that the sports team had COVID, which would have been nice to know as a heads up prior to pick-up. DH ended up doing COVID tests on SS which were negative and he took SS to urgent care for a strep test, also negative. At least it was all civil between BM and DH and there were no issues.
Sorry to hear he was sick, but at least BM was decent about it.
Sorry to hear he was sick, but at least BM was decent about it. Although, if she was truly a nice perso,n she would offer some extra time to make up for it - but we all know that will never happen...
I mean, kids get sick. SS
I mean, kids get sick. SS gets sick with BM, he gets sick with us, it's just the nature of the parenting game. DH would never expect make-up time for SS being sick. DH just wishes there was more time in general.
BM used to blow up the skids'
BM used to blow up the skids' phones whenever they visited us when younger. It was a ridiculous intrusion, over-the-top excessive. The tracking stuff is creepy, but I remember BM and skids sharing a tracking app, come to think of it. DH put up some guardrails/rules about turning phones off at certain times and getting back to their mother "later."
BM emailed DH back. The email
BM emailed DH back. The email was civil and it allowed DH to set the stage for equal expectations. BM requested that DH continue to facilitate calls through her out of respect for their plans, so he advised BM to do the same when SS is here. BM outlined that there is scheduled downtime on the phone and only approved contacts can "force through" during downtime. DH requested that he be added during downtime, out of safety, when SS is here. Heaven forbid there is an emergency and SS can't contact DH because his phone number is not approved during downtime. BM said there are GPS tracking apps added on the phone that they control, which was fully expected.
I am hoping by setting the expectations with BM early, we can prevent issues. With the smartwatch, we weren't even supposed to know about it and BM didn't even have us as contacts, so it was completely one-sided. They could contact SS whenever they wanted here and we had no means to contact him there. I didn't want another situation where we ignore the obvious and let them dictate everything.
This smart watch phone thing
This smart watch phone thing irks me. Similar situation here. We took my SD7 on vacation over the summer and BM was furious that I "forgot" to pack the charger for said smart watch. It was glorious! Haha.
It's a way for these HCBMs to
It's a way for these HCBMs to keep tabs on the other parent, that's it. There is no reason kids need these type of devices at 6, 7, 8 years old.
Our BM never mentioned to DH that the smartwatch had GPS tracking or texting capabilities to text them; she just acted like it was a normal watch. DH wasn't stupid though and did his full research. He knew everything it could do and handled it accordingly while it was in our house. Labor Day weekend, BM had to admit to DH that SS texted her via the watch (like we didn't know they did that anyway) so I think that was the driving force for the phone. She couldn't hide it anymore that they used it to communicate with SS regularly while blocking DH's access to SS on it. Just seems too coincidental that the day after BM tells DH they text on the watch, SS miraculously has a phone, 4 months earlier than promised.
I am glad DH emailed BM and set boundaries for the phone, so we don't have to ignore it and allow it like we did with the watch.
The cell phone most likely did not cost
Per month that much more then the smart watch with data. Most kids today get phones at that age . BM being the account owner has access to tracking of phone. A phone is a status thing, So SS will always carry the phone to get texts and send text from his friends . Unfortunately this is life today.
We were lucky. When we gave
We were lucky. When we gave SS a cell phone, in 8th grade, for our convenience so it would be easier for us to coordinate pick up from practices, school, friend events, etc, there was not much interface between him and the SpermClan. When his younger sister, spermidiot spawn 2 of 4, got a phone they would text fairly regularly and would talk in the evenings. That only lasted for maybe a year.
It proved to be a solid improvment in communication with SS when he was on SpermLand visitation. It also allowed us to eleminate their theft of his travel money. It coincided with DW opening a joint account for she and SS. Because she was on it and we maintained very active accounts with the bank it was a zero balance account that was not required to have any money in it. She could immediately transfer money in and out of that account. We would move money into that account before he would travel to SpermLand. He was to call us as soon as he landed in SpermLand. DW would immediately remove all money from that account.
Prior to this account SpermGrandHag would make SS pay for meals, fill up her gas tank, etc... with his travel cash that we provided. Her stance was that money came from the CS she paid for the support of SS for her idiot serial statutory rapist POS son.
We had a lot of fun with her head exploding when she would fill her car gas tank then not be able to pay for it with SS's debit card, or hitting a restaurant with all of her Spermidiot spawne GKs after picking SS up at the airport then not being able to pay for it. On a number of occassions she and the kids were stuck waiting for SpermGrandPa to come pay her gas or restaurant bills while she stewed in embarrassment because we were done with her crap and her ripping off our kid.
Prior to his cell phone we could not speak with SS while he was on visitation. After, we would talk to him a few times while he was on his 5wk summer visitation and maybe once, if that, on his 1wk winter and 1wk spring, visitation. He would call us when he was in his seat on the plane when visitation was over.
I hope that you find SS having a phone to your advantage. That SS is excited to add your numbers to his new phone is a definate positive indicator of the relationship you have with him, he has with you, and that is separate at least in part from BM and her GF. Hopefully this relationship grows and your family relationship can grow as BM becomes less prominant in that relationship. A relationship she really has no place or future in.
We limited our presence in SS's SpermClan relationships ony to countering their lies, manipulations, and PASing crap and to protecting SS from that crap. Beyond that, his time there with them was his and theirs. As he gained confidence as his exposure to the facts and his own experience with them increased, they never did engage him in his real life with his real family, at his real home. Hopefully your SS will have a similar maturing and awakening regarding the toxic side of the blended family equation.
Good luck.