Weekend observations
Shower weekend went great. We all got along and I spent time with ex's family and new family. His step kids were awesome.
long ride there and back. We sightseed a bit. Of course H had to be texting a blow by blow account of every day. The family dinner the night before shower I see his daughter call him right at 7 pm! I think to myself that blankety blank knows what's going on and here we go! He ignored the call. During the shower he was FaceTiming her. Whatever. The ride back home he drove for several hours. He ususaljy never minds.
Yesterday he complained of being a chauffeur. I thought it odd until I heard him apologizing profusely to his D that he couldn't respond to her texts or calls "because I was driving all day."
these apologies literally went on several times yesterday. I heard him last night in the pool voice dictating texts to her about it and how he would call her first thing this morning.
It's gotten better and yet it has not. He no longer speaks on the phone with her when I am present. I do know of all the texting. We literally can't go anywhere without him sharing pics and texts at the moment. I can live with it. But it's a sickness. She is off in her own way too. Your father is away at a shower weekend and you call him knowing he is with his wife at a dinner? Then everyday you talk and feelings hurt when he misses a day???
H said that maybe his D will come around meaning want to be a part of our family. I laughed. He said well we didn't invite her to the shower. I laughed too. She has not seen my son in over 15 years. Met him ONCE. ONCE.
Have a great day everyone.
I would be upset too
The whold trip he's texting his DD. Mimi Wife. Part of the driving is to spend time with your SO. not texting
He has one foot in
And one foot in an enmeshed relationship with his controlling over 30 daughter. You guys understand because psychologically he is never fully present. And I can surmise that this comes because he does not feel close anymore to me but this has been going on since day one. With a blessed break of many years when she was so angered about our marriage.
You know, I've read your
You know, I've read your posts before and thought that your sd and husband's communication seemed kind of annoying but within the spectrum of normal. But your description of this weekend, especially the desperate apologies, truely highlights their disfunctional relationship.
How would your husband react if you sat him down and tried to calmly point out that his reaction to a few missed messages/calls is a sign of an unhealthy relationship?
This...
...is spot on, BethAnne!
Seems like
It's been going on for years and nothing changes.
Oh yeah, the whole situation
Oh yeah, the whole situation is sick and weird.
He has to call/text/Facetime his 30 plus yo daughter EVERY SINGLE DAY???
And he's on holiday with his wife but still has to carry on with the ceaseless comms with his mini wife?
IMO it's not normal. Those two are sick and enmeshed.
What at passive aggressive
What at passive aggressive asshole he is. "Well, we didn't invite her to the shower!"
The parents don't invite anyone to the shower. The couple does the invitation list. Time to scrub daddy's nose in that. Ask him why he things she was not invited. Do not let him play the "I don't know." card. Make him do the deep dive on that question and keep him on the hook for that until he goes all the way through that very long list of SD centric causes for her not getting invited.
I would immediately invoke a no cell phone at all any time DH is with you. Not a call, not a text, not a single "Hey Siri.". When he whines about it, make him go down the long list of why his cell phone is off ahy time he is with you. He can sniff his kid's ass when he is not in your presence in any capacity.
Grrrrrr.
I asked him why
Would my son and DIL invite her? My DIL has never met her and my son only met her once when he was like 13!!
his answer? "You never know, things could change." Said with a straight face.
Anyway I am excited about becoming a granny. Too bad they live so far away. We were already put on notice nobody goes to the hospital. Only once they get home. I am disappointed but totally understand and respect that.
Lol. My SIL tried that with
Lol. My SIL tried that with my mom. She stipulated that the only people in the delivery room were her, my brother, her mother & sister. My mom made her way quietly to the sofa under the window of the delivery suite and was there the whole time.
If the Maternal GM was gonna be there, for the birth of her first GK my mom was gonna be there for the birth of her first GK. When I was asked to leave, I gave my brother a nod and he had his SIL removed. My SIL was a bit preoccupied and did not notice that my brother had her sister taken out. I would not have stayed anyway. I did not want my SIL made uncomfortable. But it did chap my ass that my SIL wanted everyone out but her DH and her mother and sister when the baby was no less our family than SIL's clan's family.
It has taken nearly 3 decades but there has been some shift in my SIL's perspectives. Where she used to battle to separate my brother from our family, she has recognized that it is my parents and family who are the only involved real GPs/extended family that her kids have. Her mom and SM are not those people. While SIL's sister is more involved than their moms, even she is only involved in a perfunctory level.
You know this is a sickness
With DH. a morning text is ok. But texting all day and apologizing for not texting because he was driving . Is a sickness. You should take a long look at your relationship. You may need to make an exit plan