There is absolutely no reason to take an adult child and her spawn on holiday with you. Holidays are privileged moments intended for leisure,  pleasure and relaxation. Enjoy your next trip just you and hubby. Your SD has no place there.

I agree with Winterglow.  If adult kids cannot behave civilly, to the other people on the vacation.. then they don't need to be on a "family" vacation.

I mean.. she doesn't have to love you and spend time on the deck chatting over margaritas with you.. you can both "do your own thing".. but you can be pleasant and not be disrespectful to each other.

I would suggest not taking the kind of vacation you took.  If your SO is wedded to the idea he has to have a large extended fam vacation.. then I would suggest a format that gives everyone plenty of space and the ability to go do their own thing.

Fortunately, he has stepped up and said something.. the next step is to maybe admit to himself these one big happy family vacations  are a thing of the past.

Early in our marriage, back in the olden days of "you just need to try harder," I suggested a trip with his kids and mine. I had a particular thing and a particular budget in mind.

By the time SD and DH rearranged and "improved" my idea, it was twice the budget and nothing I wanted to do. Nope. That's where it ended and the topic hasn't come up again.

No vacay with adult kids. Your DH needs to deal with your SD's behavior immediately when it happens. But let me guess...he "doesn't see it."  If that's the case you and he need a code word so that he can be "reminded" and attention focused. It goes like this: SD acts like you are invisible. You say, "DH, do you like apple pie?" (Apple is the code word.) That forces him to look at SD's behavior and he needs to call it out. "SD, why are you excluding Patience from this conversation? She's right here and you are being rude." 

Yeah...I use the subtraction method. Everytime they steal joy from something I am contributing money, time and resource to - the opportunity never shows up again. Criticize me at a dinner I am paying for? No more paid dinners out for you. Leave a vacation early and leave me footing the bill for your absence? No more vacations for you. Come to my house and ignore me - not even make eye contact- you won't be invited over. I allow the SKIDs to make the first move - if it's an ok or good move, fine we'll continue but if it's direct negative and punishing? You bet your bottom dollar those opportunities are wiped off the table. Reclaim your power and authority !

And I like the others suggestions of calling it out to your partner.

Who paid for the trip? What is her issue with you?

If they don't want to be family.  Stop this craziness.  SD told you how she feels so no more vacations trips pick nicks with her.   Vacation are only adult two of you from now on 

I love the concept of the subtraction method. It reminds me of similiar advice I picked up on about how to rid yourself of unwanted obligations, shame and guilt so that you can direct your energy into things that make you happy instead. One method is to ask yourself if something Brings you Joy or Does it Annoy??? Thats when you try to balance things out. If you find something causes you more stress than joy, then you withdraw how much energy and attention you really want to devote to it. 

( Credit to "The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a F#@%"  by Sarah Knight for reference) 

This advice isnt necessarily centered around StepLife, but I dont see why it shouldnt  utilized in some way as much as anyone possibly can, even though  we all know its more complicated. But we all have to do this in some form during stepparenthood when you realize that  limitations need to be set.  . My point is that taking on these family vacations should be on that list of things that are more trouble than their worth. Its on my personal list of things that Dont bring me Any Joy and a privliedge I had withdraw  since I will never take my SD on one ever again over her behavior. One and Done.  I still feel considerable sadness and anxiety remembering how it had ended up with disaster, especially when things had been going well...had some fun times believe it or not. Or so I wanted to believe. I admit that back then, my gut was telling me it wasnt totally comfortable with the idea but being back when I still felt determined to Try to create that so called Happy Stepfamily cause I was still holding on to some hope.,So I felt like I still had to ( stupidly) give it more chances.. Ended up being a mistake. No joke, after that failed trip, I ended up taking a Solo vacation with just me myself and I  to decompress...I legitimately  needed to do this or my sanity. Thats how bad it was. Lesson learned. 

SD is on the threshold of turning 30 with her own Spawns with an attitiude that everyone owes her something  , so if she were still to expect  another shot at a "family" vacation after all that, she is bats. I dont know, SD, how about  actually getting a  job so you can save up to take the family YOU created to make that happen as you should..Instead of waiting on others to take pity on you enough to pay her way. Im more certain that being Pitied has been her main strategy to try to get through life anyhow. . On that note,   Dont even think about suggesting it to me after giving that a chance in the first place, only for her to throw one of her wrenches  in and shit on the whole thing. DONE!!!!!!! Subtracted!!!  Since then, thats why the only trips that DH and I take together have been just US...no SKIDS which is the way its going to stay!!! Unless, DH has the desire to take them someplace as he is free to do so ( but has yet to actually even come up with the idea) That is fine, as long as I am left out of it...I'd rather go do something on my own , which I have no problem doing instead. before getting roped into that mess again 

This is how I disengaged as well. One thing at a time. Behaving badly at a restaurant and I get no say in correction? No more restaurant trips with me. Deciding to not go to a show I bought everyone tickets for? No more event planning for me. Ruin your new towels in a week? No more new towels from me...etc.