Disneyland Parents …. Always “Clueless”
...why are Disneyland parents the main ones willfully obtuse about the impact of their, their meddling exes, and their spawns behavior on current relationships/marriage
Then be acting even more dumbfounded and "blindsided" when you reach your limit and leave
Should Disneyland parenting style be considered a mental disorder? Considering how it negatively impacts home/marriage/other kids/etc
- Lillywy00's blog
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It is a character defect IMHO
It is a character defect IMHO.
Calling it a mental illness just give these dipshits an excuse for their idiocy.
Make no mistake. Idiots is exactly what and who they are.
Calling it a mental illness
Omg .... I spit my coffee out laughing too hard at this
I'm w/ Rags on this. Calling
I'm w/ Rags on this. Calling it a mental disorder gives them a 'get out of parenting free' card.
I tend to think it's more of a dash of fear of losing their kids, a smidge of lack of backbone, a pinch of no self esteem, and a whole box of taking the easy way out. A craptacular cake that seems pretty awesome from a distance but tastes as shitty as it looks from up close.
Definitely I agree Rags, huge
Definitely I agree Rags, huge character defect, and I think these dads should get what they deserve.. And Aged out I do see that from a distance it looks like it is all good. Look at dear daddy taking his children here and there. Look at how he comes to the games and is so much present for his child. Looks how the kids dress so nice and drive nice cars, he must be doing something right as a father. And then us as SP get guilted into doing this shit with them. Then I am sure from a distance it is oh look poor single daddy found a women who is willing to do for his kids too. Isn't that great he is a perfect dad. Meanwhile behind closed doors, there is mental and emotional abuse,SO is forcing SP to do all of this. Reminding her they are his kids and he has to do whatever he can to make sure to please BM so the kids don't get withheld from him. SO telling SP that we can't do certain things becuse there is a kids game or SO soent more money then he thought on SK so no vacation SP wanted. Or we can't go out tonight with friends because a child might need something. It is so infuriating.
Reminding her they are his
If I was a dude, I'd sue these conniving breeders into oblivion and drag them in court from Timbuktu and back if they played stupid a$$ games
For some of these men to be considered strong but so weak at the same time is baffling to me.
No bio parent could ever withhold my kid. They could try but they'd have police at their doorstep and I'd press charges.
it's really sad when these men breed with women who are so disgruntled about their marriage/relationship not working out that instead of seeing a step parent as a blessing (someone who can come through and provide additional resources for their kids) they instead thank us by encouraging spawn like behavior and use their kids/guilt/threats to have our husbands/partners beholden to them for YEARS which, when Disney dads allow this behavior out of their exes and kids, it erodes the new relationship over time
If a man feels emotionally threatened by his ex to the point where he can't make his own autonomous decisions during his parenting times then he should stay single.
You have to remember first of all
These people [ men] made a bad choices in marring and having kids with a vindictive person. Who instead of trying to co parent. They make it's there life mission to punish there ex. Your SO can't win. The rules of the game keep changing. Your SO either plays by the Ex rules or doesn't have contact with his kids. But that his problem. You have a choice,, stay on the circus train driven by BM, who control the train or get off. Divorce. Him. That's up to you.
Personally I could not live that way. You had to see it before you got married thinking you could change it. But you can't. He needs professional help in living his life and how he see his future
This is why you don't play by
This is why you don't play by the X's rules. You set the rules and if the X even considers twitching out of compliance with the rules you destroy them. Of course setting the rules means dragging the X to court for a CO/CS order/visitation schedule. Even when the X ostensibly "wins" in court being named the CP, the CO sets the rules. Even being named the NCP a CO gives the NCP the tools to beat the snot out of a toxic CP X. Once CS is set, NO becomes the answer to any whiney demand for money from the X. CS is it. Not a penny more unless otherwise ordered in the CO. Rolling up a copy of the CO and allegorically smacking the whiney X in the mouth with it when they cry poor mouth is a great rule to have in place and enforce. A COd visitation schedule is the rule and when the X fails to surrender the kid per the COd visitation schedule, the rolled up copy of the CO smacking the X about the head and shoulders fololwed by dragging them to court with a contempt motion ... enforce the rules. Zero tolerance application of the rules and consequences for violating them has to occur to minimize being victimized by a toxic X. Regarless of which category of parent one may be. NCP or CP.
Keep the facts fully updated and keep the kid(s) abreast of those facts in an age appropriate manner. Get the kids up to speed with the rules, CO, etc.. so when they see their toxic parent get all butt hurt by the other parent enforcing the rules, they know reality.
Know the rules, use the rules, love the rules. Know the rules/CO forwards, inside out, upside down, and backwards. Learn the supplemental jurisdictional rules. Learn the State regulations that apply. Be ready and pounce when the toxic X plays their bullshit games. The side that knows the rules and can play the game accordingly will hold a distinct advantage. In our case, it was clear that no one in the SpermClan ever even read the CO. When we would smack them with it, SpermGrandHag would wail that we couldn't do that, whatever that may have been. She would then spout that the retired Judge/Lawyer/Law firm that was the maid service for said XYZ & LMNOP, whaaaa.
We had it all clearly documented, at out fingertips, and readily usable at instant notice when they played games. They hated that which was as much an advantage to us as knowing the rules was. To the point that we could do what we wanted when we wanted because they had no clue what COd reality was. When they took exception to something, a quick "We will see you in court!" would shut them up. The most we ever did that was skitchy was to inform them when their summer visitation would start though the CO stipulated that they inform us of the summer start date for visitation 60 days in advance. When we had summer plans, we would tell them when they could start their visitation. If they whined about it, we would remind them of the 60 day notice requirement, in writing, that was stipulated in the CO. They never once did it in writing but the "in writing" clause was the rule element that we used when we had plans for the summer and they wanted SS on a schedule that interfered in our plans. There was not a notify them clause that applied to us except for when DW might want SS for 10 days in the summer after the first 2wks of their summer visitation. SPermGrandHag would ignore those requests but since the only thing we occassionally wanted was July 4th so we could spend it with SS with my ILs it was not a huge deal. We could have taken July 4th with the "60 day notice of vistation start... in writing" rule had it been a major thing for us.
Rules are awesome. Even when it may appear that they favor the opposition, they are the framework for managing blended family life when opposed by a toxic X.
IMHO and experience of course. From the CP side anyway.
Honestly?
Honestly?
I think that the parental instinct to "protect and care for" your bio children isn't a mental disease.. it's natural instinct to do this.
What is unnatural to an extent is to mate and leave your mate and try to split parenting between two distinct family groups.
I would say that even parents in "non step" can be hit with the same issues to an extent. A lot of parents feel guilt over leaving their kids in daycare.. or the lack of time and attention. they coddle the kids vs setting good boundaries and expectations because they "don't want to fight with the kid for the brief amount of time they actually get to spend with them".
People also have an expectation that they will be able to live their life in ways that our parents before us just didn't... having a lot of outside of the family interests.. leisure activities.. hobbies.. etc.. not spending basicaly your whole existance living , producing and caring for your nuclear family.
I would say that often men, especially end up in the "hat in hand" position in divorces.. Courts favor women.. biology favors women, society favors women as the primary caregiving parents.. and men as the primary resource providing parent.
So when the guy is there gathering his crumbs of time/attention.. they end up in a position where they often get so little of it.. they are really hesitant to do anything to make that time anything but fun with their kids.. they have already been so marginalized by their EX and the court system.. that they only get a few days each month.. so they make the most of those days.. and don't want to turn down any request because they get so little time and impact on their kids.
Why don't they see how it impacts their "relationship".? they love their kids.. they don't see why their spouse has such a problem with them being a parent.. they are often up against a wall.. set in a dynamic that was in place long before that new person came on the screen...
In the end.. these people are probably not in a great place to be in a relationship.. and unfortunately.. what that means is that if the parent can't make the right choice.. which is to not bring a new partner into the situation.. then the new partner has to put on the big boy pants and leave.
parental instinct to
I definitely appreciate your perspective and you have many good points, however I was moreso thinking about Disneyland parenting (not the healthy blended families with mentally balanced bio parents).
The unbalanced extreme Disney parents are the ones who are
And what are they protecting their kids from?!?
....Some "evil" stepparent who has done nothing but unwittingly step into a battle zone gang of people who don't have good intentions themselves (ex "i don't know this person but I've got to get rid of dad/moms new partner so he/she doesn't ruin my real family reconnection" or "I'm going to get a woman so I can have help with these kids, on demand seggs, help paying bills, and make my ex jealous")
single dads protecting their kids from the new partner they chose is part of the problem the Disneyland dad creates in his mind to be the savior from a manufactured crisis.
If these Disney dads feel they need to protect their kids from some threat (that might occur in new relationships) then they need to either stay married to their "safe" breeders, be honest with themselves and women they're dating and chose women who disney parent like them, or stay single and cater to exes/make life like Disneyland 365 for their kids.
A lot of these Disney dads are divorced/exes themselves and have not learned/healed and are more concerned on how to live in fantasy land with their kids than on how to be healthy partners for new relationships
Don't think most sane people have problem with bio parents being parents if they actually parented in reality not a fantasy Disney land setting.
I get not wanting to argue, fight with kids all visitation long
however my ex had his kids frequently (not just 40% physical custody but also on call 24/7) unlike most divorced dads. So I didn't see why he couldn't use part of his time to teach them real life lessons including accountability, responsibility, and age appropriate discipline ..... kids need that from both parents
I think it's unusual for all
I think it's unusual for all those things to not be occuring during a reasonable length of time in dating and building a committed relationsip. Sure, some things may not be obvious on the first date.. or in the first month/year.. but if you are partnering with someone.. you should be aware of the financial picture.. including what they provide their kids and ex. If you are partnering with someone.. you should have a a good view to how they interract with their kids.
There are some oddball cases where the situation changes drastically after marriage.. other parent dies.. or suffers some addiction issue.. but for most situations.. these are NOT new issues.. they are red flags that have been brushed away.. people tell them selves it will be better.. change.. etc.. and it does not.
And.. sure.. sometimes some of the toxicity from the ex and kids ramps up as the relationship becomes more committed.. but if you are in a long term relationship before fully moving in and getting married.. the likelihood that you won't see those things in advance is pretty small.
Unfortunately.. people want what they want.. the mate is perfect (except for the skids).. etc.. they want that person without the baggage.. and it doesn' work like that.
people ask on here.. does it get better? should I stay? and almost always the answer needs to be.. look.. what you are seeing is probably what you will get.. can you live with it? and it's not a matter of "should you have to live with it".. the answer is "no... you shouldn't have to live in a toxic and disrespectful environment".. but if you choose to stay.. that is your choice.. and you can't blame the snake for biting.. it is what it is.
I would say when things are not good.. they rarely improve.. because you can't have control over what other people will do.. and it is extremely unusual to have a bio parent cut out their child.. even when they behave poorly.. so it doesn't matter how wonderful that person is... if they aren't wonderful when it comes to their kid.. they just aren't wonderful.
Esmond, in my case I do see
Esmond, in my case I do see what you are saying, my SO is not going to change, he is set in what he does. No matter how many times I tell him how I feel he is never going to understand. I mean if I have now said to him do whatever you want for your children but please don't include me and our therapist has told him to stop bringing me into and he can't stop , he is not going to. He doesn't care if I am miserable around his children he wants me there, he has an idea that we can be a happy family and that has went out the window. I have tried and tried . If they were still staying with us it would be a different story but they aren't. If they cared if I was at there events that would be different, but they don't . He is delusional in thinking he can make us all a family. At this point I am the only one who can help myself and that is by leaving. My snake will just keep biting me until I am completely filled with poison.
Also to add.. the natural
Also to add.. the natural instinct can drive the disney parenting.. things aren't black and white.. there are shades of it.. and disney parenting might be a bit more on the strong side of it.. but it isn't a mental illness to want to protect and care for your kids... even in an extreme situation.. though some people develop co-dependent situations with their kids... which is kind of the mini-spouse situation.. and both men and women can do that.
If you take the ex to court
She might get mad at you. [ And tell the kids more lies.] Then normal amount of daily lies. These men are not finish with the old relationship. They are still in it but don't have a bed warmer and Someone to supplement there income . To give the kids more.. [ the more you give the more you love them ].
'You must be careful entering a relationship with kids. They will tell you stories about the big bad EX, How the ex screw them. Like they are screwing you. BUT it's a Big Happy Family. What you are a part of so you are not getting screwed.
Lillywy00 You made a mistake, we all make mistakes. It's how we handle the aftermath of the mistake. You left ...good and only sane choices.. Now like most of us it's the PTSD we have to handle. The ex will just plug along. Paying until he bankrupt, then the kids will not talk to him because the ATM is broken.
These men are not finish with
exactly like this breeder is getting paid monthly for barely taking care of those kids, get emotional support from ex husband, gets peace in her own house, no seggs quotas, and gets to discipline those ferals as needed
what does the step parent get out of this deal?
So true. Like if this person was sooo horrible then why are you bending over backwards at that persons beck and call to the detriment of your future relationships
Now like most of us it's the
Yes! Just trying to remove the residual resentment now tbh
Lol @ ignoring the Disneyland dad after his wallet runs dry
"You made a mistake, we all
"You made a mistake, we all make mistakes. It's how we handle the aftermath of the mistake. You left ...good and only sane choices."
I tried to teach my kids that life isn't always about actions or events, it's about how we reaact to those actions or events.
The truth of these situations, the one thing they all have in commom, is there is no one answer. Every family, divorced or not, is completely different and you have to find what works for your situation even if what works is ending it.