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Things Change ***trigger warning**

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Wed, 07/03/2024 - 11:43am

Its with a heavy heavy heart that I write this out. I can only ever write this out here.

***trigger warning pet loss***

This past weekend, our beloved fur baby started vomiting. He was lethargic, but still moving around normally (or so we thought).

Last night (July 2nd) he was bloated and wouldnt get up to greet us with his normal body wriggles and moaning/groaning "helllloooo".

He was almost 13 with no prior issues until now. It was all so sudden, but we had an inkling. Last night after work DH texted me to let me know he was picking up SD18 Princess Powersulk DN. To ask about her job status and so she could visit with him. We got home around the same time, she went straight to her room and on the phone talking with friends, after a brief cheery hello.

At this point we looked at each other and looked at our pooch. Walked him around to see how he was moving. Barely a tail wag, and getting more bloated as we watched him move listlessly around. We decided to take him to a vet. An emergency vet. I mentioned it 2 times to SD, and she never even came out to give him a hug or anything. At this time Im more worried about poochkins and DH.

A few hours later, the DR told us he had fluids in his body, something I cannot recall or pronounce, just that going gangbuster fighting would not give a better than 20% chance and even that was iffy. All I can remember right now is liver, gall bladder and cancer.

DH said his goodbyes, gave hugs and kisses, cried over him and then I stayed until he drew his last breath. I couldnt bear to have him be alone at the end. Being a mix of catahoula hound and Shar-pei and pit, he was fiercly loyal, intelligent, reserved, always had to be close to his humans, loved his a$$hole kitty who would bite him if he go too close with his big nose, but who has been crying ever since he left. We will miss him so much.

Little Missy - we got home she was on the phone. I heard her. She didnt come out. Then I tapped on her door and mentioned her dad could really use a hug. I had texted her on the drive back home that we let him go. She tried to say she was tired then asked questions and I just couldnt, I had to just walk away. Im not going to answer questions and give details if you cannot slug slime your way to give your Dad some comfort in his time of need.

She got it thankfully and eventually came out, and gave hugs and said the right things, which really helped. Then she had to pack her bags and go on the guilt trip, saying things like "I feel bad I didnt get to say goodbye". Well Im at the end of THAT rope last night, and just said firmly and calmly "I let you know we were leaving to go to the animal hospital - that means he might not come back". Smartly she did not continue that train...

 

Comments

PetSpoiler's picture

Submitted by PetSpoiler on Wed, 07/03/2024 - 12:04pm

I'm so sorry!  Losing a beloved pet hurts. They're family, not just pets.  Our pets oftentimes are more loving and loyal than people who are supposed to love us.   Big virtual hugs coming your way from the southeast.  

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Wed, 07/03/2024 - 12:14pm

Yes, he was my baby. Still is. And super loving to everyone, at all times. No matter what.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Wed, 07/03/2024 - 12:34pm

He always loved running up and down the street when he got out. Knocked me flat on my b@tt one time! Got a skinned knee for my troubles.

He was such good company on those lazy mornings with coffee and a book.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Wed, 07/03/2024 - 1:19pm

Clove,

So sorry to hear about your fur baby... I'm sure he had a wonderful life with you.

RE SD..

You have to keep reminding yourself that she is not your child.  She is your husband's child. 

He should be the one breaking the news about the pet.

He should have been the one to make it clear when you left for the vet that it might be the last opportunity to say goodbye

and......

If you thought he needed a hug.. give it to him.  If he wants a hug from his daughter.. he can go roust her from her slothitude.  You cannot raise his child for him.. you can't make her see the error of her ways.. you can't make her do what most would think would be the decent thing to comfort a family member that was upset.  

and.. you poked the bear that is now moaning about making this about her... next time you have the instinct to go knock on her door.. resist.. resist at all costs.. it brings nothing positive into your life.

 

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Wed, 07/03/2024 - 1:41pm

Something of this magnitude happens, shes on her own. I know I needed to just let it happen on its own, but was at the eff it stage. 

We are just so devastated. DH had to go home from work hes crying so much. Im at my desk crying too, and my co-workers have the empathy of a rock. Thank you for understanding.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Wed, 07/03/2024 - 2:17pm

I get that you are saying "eff it".. but try to remember that when you insert yourself into her life.. the rebounding drama/pain factor for you does increase.  She claims she is attacked.. and life becomes harder for you... so unless it is something that impacts your safety.. your family finances.. yourself..  I would stay far away.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Wed, 07/03/2024 - 3:01pm

"I never got to say goodbye because mean ol stepmonster didnt tell meeeeeeeeee"

yeah not going to do that chit anymore. She can whine to Toxic Troll.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Wed, 07/03/2024 - 5:09pm

I'm so sorry for the loss of your furbaby. {{{hugs}}}

Hon, you're going to be the mean ol stepmonster whether you do or do not. Save your energy and do not.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Wed, 07/03/2024 - 5:40pm

Mean stepmonster... Ill not add fuel to THAT fire.

Im not even going to ask about JOB or COLLEGE or DRIVING. Just nada.

Yesterdays's picture

Submitted by Yesterdays on Thu, 07/04/2024 - 5:07am

Ya but now it's like.. She didn't tell me enough when she said it and other stupid things... Nothing is better. Let the consequences fall on THEM, him and her. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Wed, 07/03/2024 - 1:41pm

Damn. I'm so sorry. Losing a pet is so much harder than you realize it will be. As far as PS, i'm with ESMOD. Stop expecting anything from her. Stop giving her time, energy, or even information. She is who her genetics predisposed her to be and who her parents raised her to be.

Something similar happened to me about 6 months ago. When SD24 left her cat with me for over a year and came back to get him (against my wishes but SO said "he's hers and she WANTS him!") she left a kitten in trade. For 5 months, this kitten was the light of the household. She just suddenly died one day. SD was living with SO and causing drama at the time and SO was like "Don't tell SD, it will DESTROY her!!" My kid didn't hear this and told SD. SD said "Damn, sorry, that sucks." No emotion at all. And she had raised this kitten for 3 months before giving her to me. I have to admit i was shocked by the lack of care. It is what it is. You can't fix them. 

Thumper's picture

Submitted by Thumper on Wed, 07/03/2024 - 2:40pm

I am so sorry Sad

It is heartbreaking when we loose our special friends. 

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Wed, 07/03/2024 - 5:06pm

I took him over sort of but he WAS special.

classyNJ's picture

Submitted by classyNJ on Wed, 07/03/2024 - 2:41pm

To you and DH.  Losing your fur babies is the worst!

Your kitty is gonna needs lots of cuddles.  They too feel it and when our pups passed, our very standoffish ahole of a kitty became VERY needy.  

There are just no words.  Sending love and peace.  *give_rose*

 

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Fri, 07/05/2024 - 10:52am

Thank you so much. There really are no words.

Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Wed, 07/03/2024 - 2:52pm

So so sorry to hear this.

EFF her. When my baby girl died YSD said not one word to me about her. She lived with this cat for almost ten years!

Told DH that was inconsiderate and rude, and frankly uncaring. He said, "Well she told me she was sorry." Like telling DH was enough. She lost whatever empathy I had left for her. Now DH is feeling the cold and uncaring nature directly. Doesn't feel so good DH, does it?

la_dulce_vida's picture

Submitted by la_dulce_vida on Wed, 07/03/2024 - 4:18pm

I'm so sorry CLove. Knowing how loving and caring you are, your fur baby was surely blessed to have you as a pet mom. ((hugs))

I've learned that some people cannot handle pain. They shut down. They run away. They cannot even allow a single moment of grief.

And it's really hard to understand people who don't feel, behave or react the way that we would. Maybe we are stronger and they are weaker, but everyone has their own battles and your SD wasn't raised by healthy parents. I imagine the only "emotions" she's comfortable with are those she pretends to have. When she has real emotions, she shuts them down and avoids them.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Wed, 07/03/2024 - 4:40pm

Yeah, Ive held her PLENTY while she cried over her nana (toxic trolls mom) each and every pet that has passed away (2 gp, a hamster, her sisters pooch, her dragon, etc) and she is a CRIER. Huge tears. 

Shes fine with expressing emotions. AND you can believe that if it were her mother, she'd be all over it.

Maybe she was "shutting down". I dont think thats it. But she sure can make it all about her whenever...

I think its just self-ishness and disconnected from whats important.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Wed, 07/03/2024 - 5:05pm

especially when he got out. Went missing for a week, the jerk, and I found him through someone online making that connection. 3 miles from home!

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Wed, 07/03/2024 - 6:59pm

Its so traumatic to lose a four legged family member.   I was in a daze for a month after I lost my beloved siamese cat.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Fri, 07/05/2024 - 10:53am

Yes, thats how I feel exactly. I did the ugly cry session the 3rd, and Im feeling all good, and then bam, I space out...

CajunMom's picture

Submitted by CajunMom on Wed, 07/03/2024 - 7:02pm

I'm so sorry for the loss of your fur baby. I know that pain too well....wish I was there in person to hug you. Loosing our pets is like loosing a family member. I'm sure I've grieved my pets' passings way more than some humans who left this earth.

As for your POS SD, it just clearly proves who she is, especially to her own father. For what it's worth, I lost my beloved fur baby when DHs youngest kid lived with us. Not a damn word. Take it further, I lost my mom, a sister, a nephew and two brothers in a 4 year time span and not a word from any of DHs pathetic crew. It just shows the depth of narcissism of the toxic people and also tells US to establish some strong boundaries with such individuals. 

Again, I'm so sorry for your loss, CLove. Big hugs.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Fri, 07/05/2024 - 10:54am

So freaking heartless!

Super toxic.

la_dulce_vida's picture

Submitted by la_dulce_vida on Wed, 07/03/2024 - 7:22pm

Last year was the suckiest. Lost the family dog and the family cat within months of each other. They were buddies. On top of that, my car died, my two older kids lost their jobs, and my DS34 was hospitalized for dangerously high blood pressure. But losing the pets was the WORST of all.

((hugs))

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Fri, 07/05/2024 - 10:55am

super sucky year. But this is much better from your posts...so you got the hard stuff all at once...

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Thu, 07/04/2024 - 2:46am

So sorry to hear about your furbaby - we still miss ours who died 3 yrs ago.  Well done for staying with him at the end. Ours died in my arms. 

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Fri, 07/05/2024 - 10:55am

I stroked his big squishy head while he took his last breath.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Fri, 07/05/2024 - 10:56am

Thanks ((hugs back))

It makes a huge difference.

StepUltimate's picture

Submitted by StepUltimate on Thu, 07/04/2024 - 4:05pm

It's so hard to lose'em. Been through it several times myself, and totally understand... including the part where skid couldn't be bothered to care.

But forget her! Feel your feelings and take good care of yourself & the cat. You're in the hardest part, where your unconditional-loving best friend dog is suddenly gone. The house might feel big and empty and horribly dogless for a while. You were there for your pup to the very end, and I'm proud of you (it's so hard!). You gave him a wonderful home life and you get to keep all your sweet memories of your well-loved pup. 

I still have my laptop background photo of my last dog, who passed in early 2022, at a beach in Mendocino - standing in front of the waves over his frisbee & smiling at me knowing I was about to throw it for him. Brings joy to my heart every time I fire up my laptop!

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Fri, 07/05/2024 - 10:57am

I can picture that picture you have. Yes, we have some really nice memories. I did the ugly cry on the 3rd...it felt good to release.

Merry's picture

Submitted by Merry on Thu, 07/04/2024 - 5:20pm

Every single pet I've had has taught me something. I'm destroyed when I lose them, then turn right around and get another. They're all different, all precious.

You're a nice person. You do what normal people do. Keep being kind while protecting your heart. PSdoNada will never respond with any kind of empathy for you, a pet, anyone. 

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Fri, 07/05/2024 - 10:58am

she has empathy for others, esp her "poor mom..." etc...

But yes, I need to not consider her and not harbour the bad feelings...

grannyd's picture

Submitted by grannyd on Fri, 07/05/2024 - 3:21pm

Just reading your sad news today, dear Clove. Like many of the other pet lovers on this site, I'm familiar with the agony of losing a cherished fur-baby; there is no pain quite like the sudden absence of that unconditionally loving mutt (or other pet), welcoming you home with a tail furiously wagging, mouth drooling and leaps of ecstasy.

I know that your heart is hurting, Clove, and there is no remedy except the passage of time. I join several other of your internet friends in sending huge, internet hugs. I’m so terribly sorry for your loss!

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Fri, 07/05/2024 - 5:21pm

Thats what he did, even when we let him out for bathroom breakds - like he was seeing us for the first time...and in ecstacy over it.

The cat does not do this

The rabbit does not do this

The snake does not do this.

My heart hurts.