Step-kids and school
We are in the process of filling out forms for SS11's high school. One of the forms has asked for 3 emergency contacts apart from DH and BM. So who should these 3 contacts be? In addition to the grandparents, my DH and I would like to put my name down, but not sure how this would be viewed in the eyes of BM.
I didn't attend my SC sports day even though I really wanted to support them - and they would have wanted me there. I told DH to go without me as I knew BM was there with her dad too so I thought it would be best for me to sit this one out. Turns out BM also brought her boyfriend to sport's day, probably thinking he would run in the "dads race" if DH didn't show up. Awkward.
Wish I could have been there to support my family but this is the issue when it comes to certain BMs and the drama that comes with them.
It's hard to know the level of school involvement one should have as a stepparent. I would like to be involved for the sake of my SC, but not sure where to draw the line so as not to cause any unnecessary drama with the ever so annoying BM.
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I'm not sure why 3 extra
I'm not sure why 3 extra contacts would be REQUIRED.. more like it would be optional so that others like step parents.. and grandparents might also be able to be contacted if primary parents aren't available.
For intimate venues.. I also would sit things out. But a field day.. lots of people.. wide open spaces.. I would have gone if you feel the child would have wanted you there. Be radiant, civil and pleasant.. don't allow BM to bait you.. and avoid them...
How close to the school do you live?
I would think today with cell phones. It's would be hard not to get in contact with bio parents. And have bio make arrangements. Are you on school list for taking SS out of school. Or is this for that list. Today only approved people are allow to take students
This is in the event of SS
This is in the event that SS falls ill or has an accident at school - not for pick ups. The form states: "following Safeguarding legislation, it is good practice that all three emergency contacts are completed in the event parents cannot be contacted."
You would think that at least one of the bio parents can be reacehd (also considering that BM is a stay at home mother who didn't want to go to work after having kids), but given the school's request, I'm still contemplating whether I should put myself forward and risk being in BM's line of fire...
It is in good practice doesn
It is in good practice doesn't mean that it is required.. I would be crystal clear whether three people in addition to the two bio parents need to be included. I mean.. some people might not HAVE 3 extra people to nominate.. and some people might not want to be obligated to respond.
If there is a chance this will make BM angry.. I don't see why you should put your neck out. I mean.. if your SO works in some remote, offshore job.. I guess maybe it's worth it.. but seriously.. I would not do it
Oh my, the memory of this!
Oh my, the memory of this! The SDs elementary school required three contacts too, which also allowed for school pickup and pickup from the after school program. BM told DH she added me (at the time I would do pickups now and then due to DH's work schedule). Great - let's go. After school was not an issue since the SDs would usually just find me, no check out required. The first time I picked them up from the after school program, I was NOT on the list. NADA. They couldn't even find a record of BM telling them (must be in email form). WTF. So we were stuck there for at least an hour since they wouldn't let me leave with the SDs. I was calling DH (at work) and calling BM (not at work but not answering her phone) to no avail. I was livid. I think I only picked them up one more time after that.
Who cares what BM thinks
Who cares what BM thinks about you being on the SKid's school contact list or at Skid events next to your DH?
We certainly never gave a shit about the SpermClan. Though we never lived nearer than 1200 miles from SpermLand. Not that they would have had any participation in SS's life even if we had lived next door to them.
Go on the contact list, be at every SKid event. If BM's fuck buddy of the moment can be there, then you can be there with your DH and show support for your SKids.
IMHO far too many people give a toxic X way too much standing or thought. They do not matter. Make sure they know clearly that they do not matter, have no place in the SParents life, marriage, or family. Even when the toxic X is one of the breeders of the Skids.
Our stance was always that the SpermClan could STFU and do what they were told or suffer. We tole them exactly what the CO stipulatied and kept the CO rolled up and handy to beat the snot out of them with when they stepped out of line.
Give that a try. BM will likely avoid getting smacked by the CO once she is pummelled with it a few times.
Good luck.