Stepson is trying to abuse cat
So my boyfriend's son is 15. Even though we are not married I consider him basically a stepson becuase my boyfriend and I have been together 13 years. I know that is a long time to be together and not be married. That is a whole other story...
But for all these years we have been seeing his son every other weekend and he spends the whole weekend with us. But this past November SS's mother passed away from Lupus. So he has been with us full time. A little back story, when he was younger he had a lot of behavioral issues in school and at home at his mother's house. He has been in special programs becuase of it and has gone to therapy. For the most part SS usually has always been on his best behavior when he is with us on the weekends. He usually only acted up around his mother or in school.
About two months before his mother passed away they caught him abusing their 3 cats on the home camera that had. He apparently threw one of the cats against a wall. When I heard about this I was absolutely disgusted because I am a big animal lover and have had pets my whole life. They signed him up for therapy again shortly after that happened.
Now that he has been living with us I invensted in a camera that we set up by the front door of our apartment that has a view of the living room and kitchen. We have had multiple talks with SS about making sure he is kind to our cat Midnight and never does anything to hurt her. He was well aware that that would be completely unnacceptable and is animal abuse. A few months ago she had a slight limp for a few days and I checked all the clips from the camera and we could not figure out how she got injured. SO, his father, wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt but i did not have a good feeling so i kept her locked in our bedroom during the day while we were at work so when SS got home from school he wouldn't be alone with her. Slowly i started letting her out durning the day keeping an eye on her and SS through the cameras and everything seemed like it was going good.
Well, the other day was his first day off school for the summer and my camera sent me an alert that there was movement so I chekced the cameras like i do everyday just to make sure everything is good and he is not being aggressive with Midnight. When I checked one of the clips, I have a clear video of him picking her up and tossing her up in the air i'd say mabye about 2 feet and she landed on her feet but was clearly scared and was looking for a place to hide. He immediatly picked her up again and went into his room with her which is out of view of the camera. Not even a minute later i see her running out of the bedroom through the kitchen back where our kitchen table is and hid on the chair seat under the table.
Now I could tell he didn't toss her hard enough to hurt her. But just watching him do that enraged me to the point I was shaking. I called his father at work and told him what I saw and told him he needs to tell him we both saw what he did and he is not to go near her again or I would be calling the police next time.
I haven't felt that kind of anger in a very long time and I wasn't sure if i was going to handle it right when I got home. I knew I was going to have to start locking her in the bedroom while we are at work again which I don't want to have to do. But I knew I was not going to react kindly to him when I got home from work so i called my sister to get advice on how to approach this. And she got very upset and angry at me that I wasn't taking Midnight to my moms and keeping her there and basically told me I was a bad person if i didn't completely remove Midnight from the home. I don't know what to do becuase I love Midnight so much she is family to me. And I know if I keep her locked in the bedroom with the camera she will be safe and I would be alerted immediatly if anyone tried to unlock the door and open it. Techinically she isn't my cat she is my boyfriends cat. And when I mentioned about taking her to my moms for a while he got very upset about it. He said we will keep her in the bedroom while we aren't home and she will be safe.
Am I handling this the right way? I'm so depressed about this whole situation and don't know what to do.
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For more anonymity you might
For more anonymity you might want to change from names to SO (significant other), and SS (for stepson). None of this is okay and I would not allow the kid around the cat at all. Report your SO and SS to animal control for animal cruelty. Better the cat be removed from the home than found in pieces.
Thank you! I didn't realize
Thank you! I didn't realize that I'm new to this.
I know I don't want him around her ever again. Honestly, I don't even want to be around him anymore. I feel bad saying that. But I can't look at him the say way. Midnight has a big attachment to my SO i guess because he is the one who found her and he is very affectionate with her as am I. She gets so upset when he leaves sometimes that she sits in the living room and cries. That's what makes this so hard. I could take her to my moms against his will which would probabaly be a nightmare which is a safe peaceful enviroment but she does have two dogs who are very sweet. But the little one tends to chase the cat she already has somtimes. Midnight has never been around dogs some i'm afraid that will cause her a lot of stress. But I know it's not realistic to keep her in the bedroom 24/7.
Don't feel bad, this POS
Don't feel bad, this POS Jeffrey Dahmer wannabe earned it.
I would get more cameras and cover every corner of the home except inside bedrooms and bathrooms. I would also take the shit spawns bedroom door. Let him know that any indication of animal abuse and his ass will be dealt with by the police. Daddy needs to know what is in store if he does not keep his shit spawn confined behaviorally.
I get that BM passed. Though that is no excuse for perpetrating the behaviors of a future serial killer.
Welcome to Steptalk!
Im sorry to say this, but your boyfriend is a craptastic person as is your SS. That your partner is not more concerned about his spawns behavior shows me that he has a deep lack of empathy.
I agree with your sister, get the cat out of there. What happens if you dont "cat"ch him the next time? What if the next time he is MORE aggressive and BETTER at not getting caught?
Thats my take on it, married or not, your partner sucks.
So.. sounds like your SS
So.. sounds like your SS needs to be in "afterschool care" "summer camp".. whatever.. he is not home unless there is an adult there.. and preferably that adult is your SO..
You don't get the privilege of being home alone if you can't be trusted.. and you can't trust him. Tell your BF to figure out where his son will be when no one else is home. AND rekey the locks so he cannot get into the house.
For privacy purposes, Blog
For privacy purposes, Blog has been updated using SS for stepson and SO for significant other (boyfriend).
Please message me if you have any questions.
Thank you, sorry i'm new to
Thank you, sorry i'm new to this! Will do that from now on.
No problem! Here is a link to
No problem! Here is a link to some of the abbreviations:
https://www.steptalk.org/faq#a2
He's been in therapy for
He's been in therapy for abusing animals. He knows what he's doing. That first little toss was just a warm up. I know he's a human and Midnight is a cat, but you really should put Midnight first. You can't trust him and can't trust your SO to protect your cat. And if he won't protect your cat, he may not put your safety as a priority either.
Leave
The more I think about it...Id definintely consider leaving. 13 years, not married...easy to start fresh. Without pssychopathic SS
This is terrifying because
This is terrifying because who knows what he will get up to whenever he thinks no one is watching.
Catching and killing/torturing wildlife or neighborhood pets?
This should be setting off every single alarm bell in his father's head. The kid should be locked up where he can't hurt anyone or anything. I'll bet in 5 years dad is going to be sitting in court while he's son is on trial for murder.
I disagree that this evil POS
I disagree that this evil POS hellspawn is human. If he cannot treat a cat with some level of humanity, he is no human.
IMHO of course.
Get the cat out of there.
Get the cat out of there. Jesus f'ing Christ. I feel so sorry for these poor animals.
The fact that your husband is ok with his son doing this and not raining holy hell down upon his head???
That cat is going to wind up dead or seriously injured. If you live the cat, get it someplace safe. And your SS? He's going to end up killing someone (after he kills the cat).
Many serial killers start
Many serial killers start with animals. When they move to people, the first is often someone close to home, before they start stalking strangers. Not saying this is the case with SS but i wouldn't want to put myself in a position to find out.
This is a no-brainer for me.
This is a no-brainer for me. You get the cat out of there NOW. You have proof of his abuse -use it. Call whatever authorities necessary but start with the cops. There has to be a record of this barbarian's behaviour. This isn't just about Midnight, it's about all the other animals he might torture in the future. You want him to be identified and on the map. If your SO doesn't like it he can take a hike. Anyone who tolerates animal abuse isn't worth the time of day.
I am pretty hard to scare but
I am pretty hard to scare but this kid scares the shit out of me and I can't stand the idea of leaving a torturer out there. He should never be allowed to be alone.
Remove that poor cat - you
Remove that poor cat - you don't know what he's doing behind closed doors. That the cat is terrified of him is enough. To tell the truth if someone I lived with abused animals, I'd leave with my animals or those persons would leave. Zero tolerance on this one. I came down like a ton of bricks on my YSD and her TF (troublesome friend) years ago when they wouldn't leave one of my cats alone (the docile one) and all they were doing was trying to catch him and dress him up. NOPE.
I'm not big on "what if"s but
I'm not big on "what if"s but when it comes to protecting our little ones, our mentally or physically delicate or our furry family members I lean to the side of "what if". What if next time he break the cat's bones. What if he kills her. What if he tortures her and you can't get back to protect her in time. Please try to lean to the side of what if. Somethings can't be fixed.
Thank you everyone for your help
Thank you everyone! I really appreciate all of your honest opinions and help with this. This is such a hard situation. I just can't bare the thought SS touching her anymore. I think I'm going to try taking her to my mom's house before my SO gets home from work tomorrow. Not sure how that will go. But I want to do what's best for her.
Don't over complicate it or over think it.
It really is not that hard. It is simple. SS is a deviant animal abuser.
The why of that and the what ifs do not matter.
KISS.
Take action to protect Midnight and yourself and let SO know that he deals with his toxic spawn or you will get the authorities involved to deal with that POS.
Take care of you.
Abusing animals is a serious RED FLAG to mental health professionals. Perhaps boyfriends child was or is witness to domestic violence AND/OR has a conduct disorder.
Ma'am, this is bigger than taking the animals to your moms. You should pack your stuff and also go to your moms. Tell your bf it is you, not him. Move on before you find yourself sitting in court chambers because your boyfriends kid (he is not your step son) had abused a child or worse.
We are not talking about a kid swatting a fly, squishing ants. We are also not talking about authorities that must take matters into their own hands for the betterment of community.
Good Luck
I know I wish this wasn't so
I know I wish this wasn't so hard for me.
Of course when I get home from work tonight SS comes to me and wants to talk and starts crying and apologizes for tossing our cat and says he will not do it again. I still don't trust him around her but I feel like the bad guy either way.
mom still planning on taking her tomorrow night but I know it's not going to go well and he's going to probably make me feel like I'm crazy for doing so.
You are not crazy and if
You are not crazy and if anyone tries to make you think you're crazy they are gaslighting you. Cruelty animals is serious. It is indicative of deep psychological issues that need resolving before they get worse and before he becomes an adult.
Stand your ground. Men can say the sweetest things and then turn around and manipulate you into going along with the status quo. I should know, my husband has tried in the past because HE doesn't want to make waves with his kid. Too damn bad. Don't let your SO tell you "it's no bid deal".
If I were you I'd let him have it with both barrels . I'd tell him in no uncertain terms that his son's behavior is not ok. Not by your standards and not by anyone else's either. Tell him you won't sit by while little Dahmer gets his practice in torturing animals. The boy needs help and as his father it's his job to 1. Put his big boy pants on and heget his son the help he needs and 2. Protect the greater society from him in the meantime. Again, stand your ground. If he yells, you yell right back. Sometimes you just gotta be the baddest b*tch in town to get your voice heard.
If anyone tries to tell you
If anyone tries to tell you that you're imagining or exaggerating, show them the video proof.
he's a manipulatie little
he's a manipulatie little turd isn't he. he knows how to play you and he will harm your cat again. do not let him make you think you should feel bad.
remember, this is not the first time he's harmed an animal. don't buy into his manipulation.
I agree with ESMOD's solution
I agree with ESMOD's solution: Get the kid out of the house when you all cant be home, or hire a babysitter for the little asshole. I am livid! I'd be tempted to threaten the little bastard with animal cruelty charges.
Sounds like SS needs to be carted back to therapy. Preferably inpatient.
Does Midnight have a collar with tags and is she chipped? I wouldn't want her to "try to get home" once she's at your moms.
I'm so sorry about this.
She is not chipped and I
She is not chipped and I never wanted to make her wear a collar around her neck since we always lived in an apartment it would be hard for her to actually get loose outside. But if I talk her to my moms she lives out in the woods and I would just have to make sure no one lets her get out the door because I would be devestated. So I guess I should probably get her chipped if I do that.
Please get her chipped.
Please get her chipped. Around here, people take animals they have found ( living or deceased) to the nearest vet who can identify them ( this is a free service) and contact their owner to let them know the good or bad news depending on whether they are living or not.
There's nothing worse than not knowing ... ask me how I know...
Get SS OUT ASAP
Get him into a after school program, or sports,or play. Anything. Find weekend things for him to do. Volunteer at a food bank, Homeless feeding center. Work on some summer activities to get him. Away,
??? Just saying ????
???
Just saying ????