ANXIETY in overdrive - BM neglect, no contact but reappears today.
So my SD's are 12 and 10... BM has been very absent from their lives the last 5 years and before that when they were in home with her they was left alone,exposed to drugs, lice, filth, etc.
BM has outstanding warrants for unpaid child support and had the law show up about 6 months ago during weekend visitation while kids was there. She hid them in a closet and ran in the wooded area behind her home. The girls came home and said they never wanted to go back, DH spoke with BM and told her until she got warrants took care of and straightened herself up that she could meet him in a public setting to visit with kids but no more overnight visits. ( He spoke with his attorney and the family judge in our county, who advised him this was the best thing to do!)
Fast forward to today she hasn't called them, has not mad an effort to see them and just out of the blue says hey can i talk to the kids its my other kids birthday.. that kid is 2 years old and with her. (not dh's) my sd's shook their head no.
DH is at work and said she attempted to call him, he let her know he would speak to her this evening.
I am stressing out because DH wants me with him, hes not good with confrontation or communication... Im like grow some backbone and be a man your their father!!!!
HELPPPPP
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Be there with him. Why? To
Be there with him. Why? To protect YOUR home life, sanity, stressors. Don't fight for him but be a silent cheerleader. I would in your situation. Also puts BM on notice that you are a team, indivisible by her games. A wall of unpenetratable protection for the skids.
If he's asking for support
If he's asking for support then I think it's ok - IF you two have a discussion beforehand about HOW he wants you to particpate. Does he want it on speaker and for BM to know you are there? Does he want you to give him silent signals? Have a notepad to write out your thoughts, help him on responses?
If he cannot say how he wants you to be there, even if just for moral support, then I wouldn't. Or if you think he won't use your input. I've been through this with DH where he ignored all my suggestions as he was talking with BM and that was it! No more participation with me.
If BM says where she is, call
If BM says where she is, call the police and give them her location so they can execute the warrant.
I would.
These types should not be tolerated to just show up when they feel like and stir the shit with the kids and the kids stable family.
Fast forward to today she
Ask her .... wait no DEMAND some money for back child support and demand her location ....
Bet she'll hang up and never call back.
Im a bit more hard core and ruthless regarding deadbeat parent so unless she was going to take care of those kids to a certain standard and pay child support like those kids are entitled to then no she cannot pop in and out when it suits her.
She effed up majorly and now she has zero leverage and if she tried to sue y'all in court she'd probably end up being the one getting arrested for child neglect and unpaid child support
This BM is prime example of women getting their a$& handed to them in family courts when they do stupid things that negatively affect their kids
If y'all feel sorry for her or those kids then/dont want to be blamed for parental alienation then tell her "sure Betty you can speak with these kids Monday at 8:15am and forward her call to the attorneys office"
*consult with attorney
So she calls, and requests to
So she calls, and requests to speak with me... (shocker because a year ago she didn't want anything to do with me)
She said that she could not get the kids because her dad wont help her with transporation but to tell them she loved them...
and that she could not sign over her rights because she loved them to much.. but that she could also not be that mom who checked in with her kids every day or every other day and excuse after excuse as to why she wans't here and was not financially supporting her children.
I wish that we could block her out of our lives completely but we cant until he fixes the court order.
May be BM
Was drinking or doing drugs. And that's the drinking talking. ? She knows she screw up her life, Let her know 8f she shows up the police will be called to do a DWI test n=before you let the kids in the car