This bugs the bejesus out of me.....I mean really
So..to recap..SD the last of the Beaver spawn has turned 18 and graduated high school. Thank heavens....
Beaver..in running for worst mother...
1. Stole money from SD, took money out of an account that Beaver was guardian on. Never replaced it....to the tune of almost 3k.
2. Refused to do FASFA for her (for those not in the US..its the tax form used to figure out if you will get aid for post secondary school)...because and I quote 'I DON'T WANT TO BEEEE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR SCHOOOOLLLLLLING". Filling out FASFA doesn't make you responsible....it EVEN SAYS THAT IN BIG BOLD LETTERS.
3. Won't pay a dime for SD to got o cosmetology school Not a cent...
4. Told SD she needs to get out her house..she wants SD's room for an office. Meanwhile..GWR..aka SS lives in Beaver's basement with his girlfriend and 3 cats.
Mkay....so
1. We have never stole SD's money. In fact we have a 529 savings plan for SD and do not touch any money SD has in an account that DH is on.
2. Did FASFA, even though, they required both of our incomes..(why is that..I have no legal ties to SD but its the government so there is that)....and thus SD will get no aid since out salaries put us in the upper 25% of wealth her in the US.
3. We will pay for SD to go to cosmetology school since we paid for DD's college and helped with DS's college.
4. SD can stay her or move into our condo after DD leaves in August for the UK. Either way we didn't tell SD she had to be out now that she is 18 and graduated.
What does SD do...posts all these pictures of her and Beaver at her graduation. You would think Beaver was the only one to show up.....yet we DROVE HER THERE. We were all there, DD and DS included who are her step siblings. I know....she is just probably trying to appease the Beaver...but still. We didnt get pictures at graduation because SD had to run off to find Beaver.....and finally DH got annoyed and just said forget it. When SD came back to us we just left to go home.
I'm pretty done with SD....and DH isn't far behind.
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FFS
You are being verrrry generous to SD...some might even say too generous. Especially for the amount of grateful she is being. As for BM, I mean it's one thing if that's BM's rule- you're 18, go fend for yourself- but if it's ok for one to live in the basement with a gf and hoard cats and the other has to GTFO, there is a bit of favoritism going on.
And seriously, FAFSA is NO OBLIGATION. Although I think this year it's only the highest earning family that fills it out, so Crazy didn't fill it out either. I too dislike that I had to fill it out for SS18, especially because we are in the same boat- my salary combined with DH's made him not eligible for anything except $5,500 in LOANS (DH and SS kept subtracting that off the cost of tuition, and I kept having to tell them NO, these are LOANS that you have to REPAY, it's not free money).
I just posted about BM's being MOTY for doing nothing- in fact the opposite of nothing, yet they come out on top just for spitting a skid out of their hoo hoo. Steal money and kick skids out with nowhere to go? Bam, pics and tik toks with BM posted all over social media. It boggles the mind.
At least she is 18!
2. Because you contribute
2. Because you contribute income to the kid's parent's household. Even if the kid is not a member of that household and has not been for many years, parents and SParents have to provide their finanical information in order for a kid to be considered for most forms of financial aid.
I fought this out with the financial aid office when I was 28+yo for nearly two years. Of course I lost. I had been fully independent from my parents for nearly a decade. The financial aid office demanded my parent's income information. Nope. My dad basically told them were to put that request. I consummed a ton of oxygen trying to get those dipshits in the FA office to comprehend that I was 28 years old and had nothing to do with my parents financially. I got the "barely fog a mirror dipshit scowl stare" and nothing else out of those morons. So, I was limited to supplemental private school loans.
The day I went in to start my applications there was a young woman at the counter next to me. As I was being put through wringer having to provide a dozen+ pages of information she had to submit a single page. The Q&A she had with the financial aid clerks was along the lines of:
FA Office: "We need your parents income information."
Applicant: "I do not know who my father is and my mom is on welfare. I live with my grandmother who is also on welfare."
FAO: "Then fill this page out and we will assess you for grants and subsidized loans."
A month or so later I went in to pick up my check for a few $K of personal school loans from private lenders.
The same young woman walked in while I was at the counter. She got $30K in grants and subsidized loans.
At that point, I just about lost my ever loving mind.
I had lived on my investments and paid for my first year and half of 3 years of engineering school before I applied for financial aid. I was working as well as a full time engineering student.
For the next two years I went through this and the same young woman was usually in the FA office when I was there. She would get a pile of money in the form of grants and government guaranteed loans, I got relatively high interest private lender sourced personal student loans.
The good news, I graduated owing about $10K and had it paid off in the 8 monts remaining in the year I graduated.
Borrow it, pay it back. For an adult age kid, mommy and daddy's money should not even be asked about by the FA office. If a kid wants to borrow for school, that is on the kid. If their parent(s) choose to pay for school, that is a choice made by the parents.
All IMHO and experience on this topic of course.
That's crazy... I thought it
That's crazy... I thought it was 24 for the cut off for needing parental info. I mean.. I get it.. kids who were well off could claim they were independent.. when their parents could really be supporting them.
Personally.. I feel if you can show an independant address and an income that would support living independently.. you should be allowed to apply as if your parents had no impact.
It may be 24 these days. This
It may be 24 these days. This was 30+ years ago. My BS class graduation anniversary just hit 30 years two months ago.
I suppose my age is showing in my increasing status as a crotchety aging man.
I'm with you Rags.. I'm
I'm with you Rags.. I'm getting ready to shake my fist at all those speeders in the neighborhood.. lol.
My SD missed a year of college because her mother refused to fill it out.. adding my income would have netted her zero.. and I really believe that I have no obligation to pay for a skids' education..lol. she lived with her mom primary at the time.. it was the right thing.. but of course mom kept putting her off till it was too late.
The College Financial Aid BS
When I was in college 25 yrs ago & filled out the FAFSA one year my mom made $100 too much to get any grants. Oh that was so wonderful! I worked in the financial aid office & there was a woman who won a $2MM Lottery but still came in each quarter to claim her FREE $3K government financial aid check for several quarters after that & one time was screaming at us because she drove an hour to get it & it wasn't ready for her.
So much of the college aid makes no sense & isn't getting better as time goes on. Luckily my son went to a trade program & I was able to pay out of pocket. He has a fantastic job as an electrician and no debt!
My Ysd's employer will
My Ysd's employer will reimburse her for one or two a semester... but it would have been nice to see some grant money to take more.
I took 6 years to graduate
I took 6 years to graduate with my BS due to changing majors and having a kid. 5 of those years i had a half tuition scholarship due to making straight A's and a high ACT, but my parents paid the rest. I got knocked up a year from graduation, and it was crazy the amount of grant money they were throwing at me. Tuition, fees, housing money, book money, and just, well, extra money. For my whole final year. If i hadn't got married before the baby was born, it would have been even more money. It's pretty screwed up as far as what gets rewarded. Do everything right for 5 years, pay out the a$$. Get knocked up and rake it in. PS don't share that info with any of your kids/skids.
My brother and I did Grad
My brother and I did Grad school together on the $5K/yr reimbursement program our employer offered. To do it with no debt we did a $25K 22mo MBA in 4.5 years. We had to get two dean approved extensions. That 4.5 years was between 5 calendar years so all we paid for personally was books and some credit card interest for the 6wks of tuition for each class. We went full time for the first 6mos and the last 6mos of the 4.5years we were in grad school. The middle 3 full calendar years we went part time which came out to one class every other 6wks.
The month we graduated, the plan was increased to $10K/yr. We laughed. That would have cut the time it took to finish to the 2.5 years over portions of 3 different calendar years.
After undergrad and the Financial Aid/FASFA crap, I would avoid anything but pay as I go out of my own pocket or using employer education benefits. No one has to put a graduation date on their resume and no one will ever ask how long a degree took.
I finished my undergrad at 30 and after having worked for 9 years. As I interviewed with many of the same companies my younger classmates were interviewing with, I regularly was taken to further interviews for manager or more Sr roles. A degree is a solid benefit for a career, experience is a solid bendfit for a career. Combined, both are worth more than they are without the other.
As far as going the trades route, have coached a number of my trades employees to work intrementally on their undergrad while working in the trades. It is a very effective way to maximize career long income earning skilled trades hourly rates while most college students are not earning at all, then having the ability to transition into professional/managerial roles after completing a degree. I did a paper on this model in Grad school. It can add several $hundred K to life time earnings over a pure trades or a non earning undergrad start.
Generosity
In Skidland Generosity is Never Appreciated should be on a bumper sticker somewhere.
Try to avoid looking at her social media posting! That will drive you insane.
Kids who grow up with toxic
Kids who grow up with toxic parents learn pretty early on the things to say or do to appease the toxic parent. It doesn’t make it right, more sad because that’s the reality they have to live with, and most of them aren’t strong enough to break that cycle and walk away.
That's BioHo and the skids.
That's BioHo and the skids. SD31 and SS25 have walked away. SS21 is... cordial, but distant. SD28 is still in full communication with 'Ho, but has been saying to DH "wtf". Slow and steady sometimes wins the race.
Girhippo
Raided the 529 accounts to the tune of $10K (Chef's workers comp settlement money) before the ink was dry on the divorce papers then "forgot to claim the early withdrawal on her last joint tax return." She tried to stick Chef with the interest and penalties.
The SKids should sue the shit
The SKids should sue the shit out of her for that money plus however many years of penalties and interest.
Crime is crime. Criminals need to feel the pain of their choices. Whether they are family or not.
Too bad more SKids do not put the toxic end of their gene pools in jail.